please dont be harsh , i really love to write and i want a second opinion
As of me you never did...
Its like a permanant loss in the pit of my stomach
crying makes it grow
i know that it was all my fault
and i want you to know
tear drops fall in tribute of you either in either out
and that you have taught me a lesson in what young love is all about
mistakes happen some fault more
but when the end is nearly here
you hug me and treat me like a friend
just to hold back ll those tears
it sometimes lasts for a day it sometimes lasts for a week
true friends know your rise and fall and will catch you at the peak guilt, what a word
what a way to stain your life
and i will take this bravely take this peircing plunge of the knife
in stride in pain in courage,thats all that i can do
theres noway to take back time, i really did lose you
so the next time the girl you love, apologises amid
take it willingly and keep her close
as of me , you never did, this is to matt macn
2007-11-08 12:25:04 · 2 answers · asked by lolo 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
try to make the verses distinct and review a few sentence/poetic errors. Last two lines not quite clear.
Be encouraged and do compose more poems.
.
2007-11-09 12:27:37 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
with a few grammatical corrections (use spellcheck :D) it is pretty good. I can tell this is a sentimental poem. It sounds as if it would be a better song than a poem, are you more lyrical?
2007-11-08 20:32:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋