like the question states married for 15 years ,things keep going downhill since the past two years since my brother in law moved in .we fell apart as a couple .feel like were just roommates...now the thing is i have a gurl who came back from the past and say my husband went to see her 11 years ago.but we are married for 15.so he cheated yes.
anyways,i tried breaking it off but he wouldn`t leave and my son took a fit cause thats his dad and yelled at me and took it real hard so i didn`t make him leave for that fact cause i couldn`t see my son hurt like he did.
now i feel i made the biggest mistake cause we act as roommates more then anything.and i am no longer happy..........i don`t wanna hear talk to him about it...herd it all before and it don`t work.....i wanna know what the hell do i do.do i stay to please my kids or do i ?what!
2007-11-08 12:13:46 · 5 answers · asked by mimi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i don`t want half of my children to be put into the ide of choosing who they want to live with and i am afraid that my son and one daughter will chose dad.....i know they love me and want to be with me too, but what am i suppose to do as a mother when my children are not with me.....it will kill me .......please help.....
2007-11-08 12:15:31 · update #1
Also to make matters worse i opened up a fitness center in my home and i am currently in the making of my very first cd,recording as we speak.i don`t feel proud of my self because of him at all. we have nothing in common with the fitness center and the music he don`t care to listen to it.unless he is drunk.maybe it is me who changed and he can`t cope with it...but what happened to thick and thin and trying to learn what your partner does seeing what makes me happy....he don`t even want to try it`s like...but the money is allright.
2007-11-08 12:32:07 · update #2
Sorry mimi, no matter what you decide, someone will get hurt. If you can't work things out with each other, it's much better for you to divorce. How can you be a good mom if you are miserable all the time? I am sure if you can sit them down and explain exactly why you are doing this, and make them know it's not their fault, but just something between you and daddy, it will help a lot. Make them know you will not leave their lives, but you can't be a good example the way things are now. Get some outside counseling as well. Sometimes another person's view is really helpful.
2007-11-08 12:20:09 · answer #1 · answered by Linni 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not really sure of what your question is.... sorry. This is rather "word salad".
You have a cheating husband, and want to know if you ought to stay? Hmmm.
Any therapist will tell you that less that 20% of marriages with betrayal survive two years. And if marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust, from what I can get from this, you have none of these for this guy, and you have a couple of kids to finish raising.... good.
If you are staying because you can't support yourself, I'd suggest you get back in school, and get an education that will allow you to become financially independent. Then bail. As well, you need a few session of counseling to figure out why you think you deserve so little in a relationship. From this posting, I'm guessing you didn't finish hs. That does indeed limit your options for employment, and it sounds like you do indeed need to get a job and become somewhat financially independent, no matter what happens with your marriage, such as it is.
As well, if I read any of this, you and your husband have no idea how to get your issues on the table without resentment and rage.... if everyone is having fits, all of you are like screaming three year olds. And actually, this isn't entirely your fault. We don't teach kids in hs how to communicate, how to shop for an appropriate mate, and how to parent, and as a public school teacher, my very deepest apologies. We teach no classes any more in "life skills". Hell, we don't even teach you guys how to balance a check book, how to budget, nor how to parent your children.
Do you stay? In the long run, probably not. Get your butt back in school and bust A($)($).
2007-11-08 20:36:46 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought about trying to work things out?? 15 years is a LONG TIME invested to just walk away without a fight. Here's my advice, After you have done everything possible to make it work and nothing, and seriously know that nothing will. Then file for the divorce and move on. If your children wanna stay with their dad let them. Many times they wanna stay with who they think is the cool parent because they think they will get away with more, time will most likely bring them back to you. Good Luck, hope you make the right decision!!
2007-11-08 20:27:51 · answer #3 · answered by 2sweet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just like your husband you have rights too. Sounds like you need to point that out to the dummy. The kids are going to see and hear everything the both of you do and make up their own minds. Don't let him treat you like a door rug. YOU start treating him with the respect he's earned. If it isn't that much that's his problem! Kick him to the curb and ignore him when he comes crawling back.
2007-11-08 20:24:18 · answer #4 · answered by Williamstown 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you have to do something very drastic. you need to fall in love with one another again.
maybe if you start to do something new in your life to help you do things different then you will act a little different. my husband and i have been married for 6 years and it started to go down hill this year. so i joined a gym and started to fill better and act different and it sparked a small flame in our relationship that makes it so much better than it was.
You need to start by tring something different and if it don't work then you need to leave and let your kids choose who they want. eventually they will grow and understand what happend and they will know you had to do what you needed to do for the sake of yourself
2007-11-08 20:22:50 · answer #5 · answered by neverlie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋