does anybody think i could be untreatable?

Question

i ask and obsess over the same problems daily....i seem to be unable to move past myself....i externalize everything, blame everybody for all the misfortune and wrongs that have occured to me. iam so jealous of others happiness....im so bitter and angry.
but its so difficult because a portion of it isnt my fault, ive been extremely wronged by people...sexually abused....bullied throughout highschool...manipulated and harrassed most of my life....so i suppose you could say, ' who could blame you '.

im 30 now i have borderline personality disorder...ive made no friends in life...never had a partner....never been employed.
im so angry i was just clenching my teeth and growling in the bath before.
but i worry because my permenant state of being is like this...im deeply bitter..jealous..angry resentfull...all- the- time.....not just sometimes.
i live alone in a one bedroom apartment..i have nobody.
i have dreams and goals of emigration from the uk to build a new life, but at 30

in these circumstances, no employment history, a mental
health record.
you can see my dream of emigration to the states or canada
to build a new life...get a good job....find a loving partner.

look remote and impossible......im doomed to die here in the uk.

with no new life underway, stuck on welfare in a one bedroom flat.
ill probablly end up dying prematurly one night in my flat.

no one notice or none the wiser.

i cant do it alone i need people in my life to help me.
friends support.
but all my cries for help go unheard, no one is willing to help
and instead wants to condemn me to be alone for eternity.

so thats my fate isnt it? to remain stuck in the uk. full of anger.
checking out early.
seems that thats what the masses want for me

Answer 1

Hey you,
I just want to let you know that I am thinking about you and you have my support. With all the anger you have, geez... do you know how much you can achieve with that if you channel it in the right direction. Anger is a powerful emotion, but it is not a sin. It is when it convert into one of the 7 that it becomes that.
I just spent a long while answering another question of yours and now I am angry. If you check out early, as you say, than you are depriving yourself and a lot of other people of what may be a truly wonderful person inside.
Please don't say things like that, if you don't think anyone will care, at least think of me and all the other people that have answered your questions and the time we took to do so.
Suicidal tendencies are all part of the bi-polar illness, it is not you, but the illness talking. Get to the doctor a.s.a.p. My psychiatrist, as much as a pain in the *** I have been to him has actually shown up at his off ice with me sleeping on the porch the minute the 'thoughts' started.
You may already know this, but there are three phases.
1. Thoughts of self-harm.
2.. Plans or idealizations of doing the self-harm.
3. Carrying out these plans.
Don't leat yourself get past 1. The minute you start thinking that you are starting to slip down-the slippery slope. (Look that up on the internet, and also 'red-flag' or 'triggers')
You should be able to find those.
If you would like more detail on this type of thinking and also on what is called 'distorted thinking' (also on the internet - there are 15 types) send me an e-mail.
Very sincerely,
A bi-polar survivor,
Sweet Pea

Answer 2

So how is this working for you? I mean you are aware of your situation which means that you can elect to change those behaviors. Take it easy; friends are not easily made it takes time to develop a relationship. Try to resolve one thing at a time and go from there. You have endured much and these has created so much turmoil within yourself but YOU do not have to be a victim of those situations. One man said that we are the creators of our own destiny so take small steps and you will surely create your own destiny do not let your hurtful experiences tell you what you are. You do not have to die alone because you have so much to live for; hey you are 30 and there is still more to live for. Love is one issue that will come but for right now just try to resolve the issues you can and once you deal with these you can get a job and then you will be able to date and take you girlfriend out to eat and have fun and maybe marry and than you can make a better future. I am here in the USA and I suggest that if you are under federal assistance that you seek out a psychologist because once you mention that you want to hurt yourself there is need for intervention. I wish I could be there to help you because I am in an education program to be a psychologist. Do not force yourself to be accepted you just need time to make the best choices that will help you become the best person you are. Your experiences can help others which makes you are worthy person to know. Take care and take life one step at a time. If yuo cannot find a psychologist try to find a church that provides counseling; you do not have to believe in a certain belief but would this hurt you if you did?

Answer 3

Wow, I just thanked God for all he has given to me.

I was sexually abused, have never married or dated much. I have suffered great losses in my family in the last two years. It took me fifteen years to get a four year degree because I had to work a full time job and a part time job and go to school only every other semester as I could afford to go.

Up until there our lives could be identical. But here is where the simularities end. I am a single mom of adopted children, I am a profession who works with special needs children. I own a home and bring my children to Disney World every other year. I am one of the happiest people I know and am proud as I can be of my accomplishments, and my beautiful family. I have great friends and feel deeply loved and appreciated by all.

I guess the biggiest difference between us is I have faith in God. I know he will never give me more than I can handle, and he challanges me to become a better person each day.

When I look again at your hardships there is not a single one I have not experienced, and I can add to those: cancer, loss of home due to Hurricane Rita, a sister facing life in prision or the death penalty and a mother who died from the stress and pain this has caused.

Yes, I thank God for all he has given me. Especially a belief in myself that I deserve more, and I can not expect anyone other than myself to make me happy. THANK YOU GOD.

Answer 4

Our government seems to be quite deterrmined to make, and keep,us afraid. It has continuously fed us with false information, backed up by dubious statistics, that seem to say we are under an ever increasing threat from numerous sources, from terrorists to kids misbehaving. Facts tend to demonstrate the opposite, that we are more secure in every area than we have ever been. The press and TV do their share in headlining, over-reporting and sensationalising items of news that, several years ago, would not have made a two line story hidden in the darkest recesses of the inner pages. It surprises me not at all that the next parliament is proposing to introduce yet more legislation which will erode freedoms so hard won by our forbears on our behalf. We let them, and swallow it all meekly, in the mistaken belief that those erosions may be regrettable, but are necesary. Many of them are not. The insidious creep of control is what it is all about, and most of us will be unaware that we have too few freedoms left to live an open life until those freedoms have gone for good. The government runs things on OUR behalf, and with OUR consent. It is therefore up to US, by regularly badgering OUR MPs and press NOT to erode those freedoms, to make OUR voices heard. If WE don't speak up we can hardly be surprised if the government mistakes our silence for assent.

Answer 5

No I don't think you are, Or at least you wont be if your willing to get help and to treat yourself. I think you should go and see your GP and they made be able to refer you to some psychiatric help. You display many characteristics such as the obsessions which are treated n people like yourself everyday. Who knows once you sort out that, and talk to someone then you can start planning ahead, emigrate or live your dreams. Just try and take things one step at a time and you will get there eventually.

Answer 6

read this next line carefully:

as long as you FEEL/THINK you are untreatable, you will be.


It's that simple. You have created a self fullfilling prophecy. You list all of the things wrong with you -- and absolutely no possible solutions. For whatever reasons, your life has been screwed up in various ways by various circumstances -- but guess what? So has mine, so has the next poster, and the poster after them, etc. You are NOT unique in your issues and problems in this life! I'm not saying that to demean you, I'm saying this so you understand that everyone suffers and some ALOT worse than you have, some alot less. You need to refocus your efforts on solutions, ways to get out of your self imposed "rut." The people you are jealous of, are not sitting alone in a one bedroom apartment. They are out living life, which you should be doing. You can't get a job, relocate, find a life partner -- sitting on the couch! The reason things seem to be happening for everyone else but you is b/c they are outside of their homes allowing things to happen to them. Thirty years old is NOT to late to do anything. I'm 26, I just graduated college there was a lady in one of my Science classes who was a 68 year old grandmother of 5! She got better grades than I did, lol, so the age excuse is just that, an excuse. You need to really dig down deep and ask yourself, what it is you want in this life -- b/c in all honesty it doesn't seem to me that you want something bad enough to change your current circumstances. If I am wrong -- prove it. People will tell you to join social groups, go to clubs etc. but with Perso. Disorder this is a job within itself. You need to work with a therapist one on one. I think that is your second step to healing after deciding if you are actually content with living alone, being alone. Good luck.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all of that...

If you're having trouble resolving past incidents in your life, my suggestion would be to find a good, Christian counselor. Additionally, I know that Bible Study Fellowship (which I attend in the U.S., but is present also in the U.K.) has been a great source of strength in my life.

Find things that you love, that you are passionate about that you can get involved in. When you are involved in the things that you love, you will meet people who share your same passions. Try to make strong, solid bonds with other people, but remember it's also important to be able to enjoy time by yourself as well.

If you truly want to leave the U.K., make plans to do so. However, try to enjoy your environment while you are preparing to leave. After all, your problems won't leave just because you leave the country.

I wish you the best of luck...

Answer 8

Sounds to me like an appointment with a psychiatrist is in order.
You seem very depressed. Get to some self help groups. You never know, you might actually make some friends there with the bonus of them being able to truly identify with the feelings you are having! Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Hey, at least you are aware that there is a problem...which is better than wandering through life with out knowing what's wrong. I think you are faced with a challenge which many others are faced with...CHANGE. Change is the scariest thing that any human will have to face. However, change is the only constant. The question you may want to ask is ...I am willing to change? Good question huh?

Answer 10

"To whom much is given, much shall be required. To whom little is given, little shall be required."

I hope you find your way to God because he only is able to do what is impossible with men. "I am the way, the truth, and the life." If you believe and have been baptized, imagine yourself "dead" in the tomb of the Lord and one with him in his "perfection," then tell him you are helpless and invite him to help you with what you need in your life. From baptism, guilt and shame will not be in the way of communication with him. He will set you free. All he needs is the invitation. It won't happen overnight because these problems have taken 30 years to imprison you. Faith like a mustard seed is all you need to get started. "Seek and you shall find." Seek God, and you will find him.