I'm married and I think I like my manager. What should I do?

Question

I think he likes me too. But he's getting marred in a week.
Recently, a month and 1/2 ago my husband asked for a divorce. I pleeded with him and he decided to come home. Ever since he came home I keep thinking my pleeding was a bad idea since he has been nothing but neglectful and abusive.

My maneger and I are frequently alone all day and during down time we have a lot of time to talk, we have bonded as friends. But the last few weeks I feel like he has been flirting with me. He often talks about how he is unsure if want to marry his feance' and doesn't feel like she is right for him. She is also 6 years younger than him. So I tell him she is young and will mature.

But today, we were slow and we started talking about exes, then our current relationships. And I realized, dang. I think I like this guy. He's a nice guy. He has goals & amitions, & he treats me like a human being. We also had a moment. We were flirting and we embraced. And I felt a spark. I don't know?

He came on too me first. I resisted. And I know it's wrong. But... I don't know. It's tempting.

Answer 1

Your first question is, "Do you want to be with your husband?"

If he is abusive and neglectful, as you say, perhaps you would be better off without him, regardless of your manager.

You need to take care of yourself first. Either you commit to your current husband and forget about the manager, or you tell your husband that he was right and you want a divorce.

Assuming you opt for divorce, then you need to stop selling yourself short and find someone who is available, if that is your wish. As long as you keep trying to find a partner in someone who is not available, you are going to wind up hurt and disappointed.

I wish you well.

Answer 2

Of course you felt something, someone treated you nice, and isn't abusive, but he is engaged to be married. If he wasn't sure, he would be getting out and not marry the girl.
On the other hand, why not have one more fling before he gets married, after all he's not married yet, right. You would be the other woman, cause problems later, and could lose your job over this. You might not think so now, but when all is said and done, POW!!!.
If you want out of your marriage, now that you have time to think about it, then get the divorce and wait, some nice guy will come along. And remember your boss really isn't a nice guy, because he knows you are married, knows you are having problems, are needing some attention, and playing on that, just like any other man. So stop and think before you do anything.

Answer 3

He is getting married next week and you ARE married (however poorly the marriage may seem at the moment). Whatever his motivation might be... you need to get out of the situation. Either ask to be transferred to a new department or location... or find a new job. It doesn't matter how old he is or how young she is... or how nice he seems to you. Don't give in to the temptation and focus on your own marriage which obviously needs work.

Answer 4

If your current relationship is as bad as you describe, you are very vulnerable right now. I know you're probably saying - nah, not me; but I think all of us have been in a situation where we'll like any person who expresses interest in us, who stops to listen. I know I've been there, and I've read way too much into things. You may feel it's a spark, but for the other person it's either friendship, or a game. People flirt, but it doesn't mean they are truly interested in you. He has his own life, his own relationship; you may be of interest to him, but at the end you're but a footnote in his existence. Keep things in perspective, and don't lose your head. Focus on sorting out your existing relationship.

Answer 5

It shows the two of you are human, and have things in common. Not that there is anything beyond that.

Get counseling. If you don't have much money, find someone who does a sliding scale. Figure out if your marriage is salvageable, then fight to either keep it alive, or get out of it.

If you do find yourself single, try to figure out what went wrong in the last relationship, so you won't get into the same thing all over again.

Answer 6

Temptation is always there.. you need to make up your mind if you are reconciling with the present husband or not. You can't have it both ways. Also you better be sure this guy isn't just flirting and has no intentions of taking any further steps in the direction that you think.

Answer 7

You should find a new job and not involve yourself in this drama. You're not a dog in heat with no other options, you're a human being capable of controling your actions or at minimum your enviroment. If you want to leave your husband because he's a jerk, then do it. But don't fool yourself-- this "crush" is just misdirected energy.

Answer 8

Wow, what a gem of a guy! He's going to get married in one week and yet, he's putting the make on you---his employee. Gee, have you always had the hots for men who lack morals, lack committment and are professional liars?

Answer 9

He is getting married with SOMEONE ELSE in a week. Stop being selfish and stay away. Just because your marriage didn't work out, it doesn't mean you can destroy someone else's. If he is not sure whether to marry his fiancee, it is his problem, not yours.

Did anyone teach you of being professional at work?? It means not getting involved with anyone below or above your position. Damn, girl, you have no morals whatsoever.

Answer 10

you can leave your marriage if you chose the wrong idea to plead with him to stay with you. youre not obliged to stay.
having said that and you are attracted to manager and hes stated he is not sure if he is to marry..........
geez this could be very touchy.
im not going to encourage you to do anything but just be wise and tell your manager whats going on . i think you have nothing to lose if your absolutely honest with him and yourelf. say you like him but are unable to work with him anymore and look for another job.