Baby name disagreement....?

Question

My husband and I are seriously butting heads about this. He is Mexican, and I am white, which means, our baby, it's a boy, will be named after him, which will make our son the 4th. I'm okay with that, but the disagreement is the middle name. He doesn't want him to have one, I do. He says it's not "customary" in his "culture" for the boy to have a middle name, I agree. But in his "culture" it IS "customary" for the boy to carry his mothers maiden name as the middle name, my husband just chose to drop his mothers maiden name a few years ago. I told him our son could do the same if he chooses. But my husband absolutely REFUSES to allow my maiden name to be a part of our sons. I jokingly said it would be cool, because my maiden name is Henry, which is Enrique in Spanish, and I am a huge Enrique Iglesias fan. Could my husband have internal jealousy (silly I know, but could be true), about that? That's the only reason I think he doesn't want Enrique being a part of the name.

We have 5 more months to hash it out. All answers are great so far! Thanks for all the support.

Answer 1

Stand your ground, girl. Mexican or not...he has to understand. My infant daughter's father is also Mexican and I am white. Your guy probably is jealous, as much as I hate to say it....Mexicans are notoriously jealous and possessive. Anyway, custom or not, give that beautiful baby boy your name!!!

Answer 2

I would probably go with the name he wants, and add Enrique after. If it's too long, then maybe reach some sort of compromise? Hope this helps. I know from experience that eventually you will both come to an agreement for the baby's sake, even though it doesn't seem like it now.

Answer 3

First of all, custom or not, I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to want to give your son a middle name, since he'll already be sharing the first with his father. Since you mentioned that your husband has also dropped his mother's maiden name, that would mean they would share the exact same name IN FULL ... generally leading to all sorts of unnecessary hassles involving medical histories, credit reports, taxes, etc. There's absolutely no reason to do that to a child (unless your husband is *hoping* to be able to pawn some debt off on Junior LOL -- but I'm seriously doubting that's his intent). ;)

In fact, since you seem to be perfectly amenable to naming your son after your husband to begin with, I really think he should be equally accepting of your desire to give him a name reflective of your side of the family (assuming Henry/Enrique is your most likely choice here).

All that aside, I know PLENTY of families with Mexican heritage -- there is a very large Mexican community where my husband grew up, so many family friends -- and not only are middle names VERY common practice, but many have more than one! I think he may be misleading your for some reason. Possibly because he actually WANTS his son to have the same name in its entirety (for whatever reason ... it seems he may not be thinking this through). But it honestly does not seem to be a cultural thing, as he's claiming.

I'd say some serious discussion is in order. You may even have to put your foot down and let him know that he is not the ONLY one that gets a say in this child's name, and if he wants his name "carried on," so to speak, he needs to give you some leeway with the middle. It's only fair.

Good luck!

Answer 4

It's always a good idea to give your child a middle name to distiguish them from all other people in the world with the same first and last names. For example, Juan Rodrigues IV can be the name of hudreds/thousands of men whereas Juan Mario Henry Rodrigues may narrow that down to just a few.

Answer 5

Sounds like a macho thing to me. Which means, your husband may be a jerk. How does this current disagreement match up with the rest of your relationship? Is he always this controlling? Anyway, all that you're arguing about is your son's LEGAL name. Who cares what name is on a piece of paper. You can call your son anything you want. So...ignore his legal first name and just call him Henry. That should piss off your husband good. Bide you time for the next 18 years and then kick the jerk out the door.

Meanwhile, you'd be a pure fool to have more kids with this guy. Just asking for more trouble.

Answer 6

If it's part of his cultural tradition to use your maiden name as part of the name, then use it. Otherwise, tell him the baby isn't going to the fourth, because he won't follow the rules. Kind of silly, and borderline overkill, but it might be what you have to do to get this to happen.

I would use Henry instead of Enrique, too. While it might sound funny, it is your maiden name.

Answer 7

Enrique is beautiful. Your husband is jealous.
His jealousy is most likely cultural though.
Do Mexicans suffer from machismo?

Answer 8

It'll only be a name on a piece of paper really. Tell your husband to chill and allow you some input. There are more important things in life than worrying about a second name!

Answer 9

I hate to say it but it really gives me the heebie geebies when people decide to name their children after them. I feel like the child is beginning a new life, THEIR life and should start out with their own identity, their own karma. Not someone else's.

My father insisted on making my middle name my grandmother's name and I HATE it. That is part of her identity but it is not mine. I refuse to use it. The name takes away from who I am b/c it is not mine.

You two should try to come up with new original names.

Answer 10

My bf didn't want me to use my own name either. But I made it clear to him I wouldn't buldge. Plus : why would it be the man's name, not the woman?? It's sexist and patriarchal. And I'm not even a feminist ;)
You're being understanding about his culture, he should understand your customs, and make compromise. It's not all up to him!!!
Jealousy or not, stand ur ground