I'm puting my future happiness all based on one persons decision to be with me. This isn't healthy what to do?

Question

I am 18 and I know my perception of marriage is distorted because of my upbringing (this is what my close friends say) I've had a tough life no doubt about that, and during all that I started not being able to relate to anyone my age..I think it's because I had to grow up sooner than I should have. I came to the realization that all I want in life is to get married and that is the only thing that will determine my happiness in my mind. I don't care about money, family, friends, career, I don't have anyone close to me family wise..I just simply don't care about anything other than being with that special someone and I just start a loving family of my own. I know this is so wrong and really unhealthy in everyone elses view. but I feel so incomplete when I don't have someone to put my focus on. How can I become happy with life even if my dream of getting married or finding that someone doesn't work out? I will feel like I have no purpouse in life without that..how can I change??

Answer 1

You do have someone to put your focus on. THAT PERSON IS Y_O_U. Do it now. Do not hessitate. You are your priority and You had better refocus now and stop looking for someone to FOCUS on and LOOK WITHIN. You and only you can determine your happiness. When your personal happiness is dealt with by YOU, you will then be equiped to Marry. To Marry is to blend with another. Right now you do not even have yourself to offer.
Discover who you are, find your internal knowing and then will you find a mate. Elsewise you are destined to find only another person who is in the same position as you. Would you want to marry you right now??

Answer 2

you need to stop worrying about the future so much and start worrying about what you can do to make yourself a better person in order to have more to give in that future relationship. If I were to offer you a 20 year old car sitting on cinder blocks for a brand new car that was drivable, you would be crazy to accept and the same holds true for people. you want to become the best that you can be not only for that future person but for yourself now as well. counseling may help you deal with your view of marriage but there are some great books you should read as well including the one I will give you a link for. Also, a great book you should read is Illusions, by Richard Bach. That comes to mind because of what you say about not having anyone close to you family wise and what Richard says about that. "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof"
those close friends are your emotional family now and the true soul mate, the one that will give you the perfect marriage will appear in time. You have to prepare yourself so that you are as good as the one who you will meet and that is the reason for the career and the rest of it.
you wish for the perfect mate, the perfect marriage, and Richard answers that as well: "you are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however." All of the things you do now as far as the career, money, and both old and new friends are the way what you are working for that wish to be granted, the perfect, happy marriage. there are some other great things in the book illusions that I could give you as quotes but you should read them yourself so that they have meaning to you a the time you read them. read the books I have recommended, perhaps get some counseling to deal with your desires to get that happy marriage and why, and you will draw that into your life as surely as you can draw water from a well. Good luck to you, little sister, and be happy in your life.

Answer 3

The only person that can make you truly happy is you and only you. If you are not happy with yourself and your current life, no marriage, loved one nor kids will make you change that. It might make you happy for a short period at first because of excitement but eventually, the excitement will go away and you will end up facing your own unhappiness again. You cannot expect other person always to entertain you in marriage. You cannot expect him to make you happy because you are miserable with yourself. Life doesn't work that way. You need to find your own source of happiness.

You seem to be a very smart young person, so don't waste it. Find something that makes you happy. Focus on your life and your future and eventually when time is right, you will meet a person that you will want to spend the rest of your life with.

Answer 4

It sounds like you are looking for the love and stability that you did not get in your own upbringing. You cannot depend on someone else for your own happiness. You need to care about yourself and your own career. Make decisions in your life for you. You are young and since you have not found that special someone yet you need to take care of you. When you meet him he is not gong to want someone that he has to take care of. He is going to want you to take care of each other and take care of your family together. Right now you need to get your life together. Get a career, go to school or whatever it is that you want to do. You will meet him sooner or later but in the mean time you still have to live. When you have your own family remember your own terrible childhood and make sure that you do everything possible to make theirs much better. Give them all of the love and happiness that you did not have. The only way that I can think of for you to change is to just do it. You can look for that someone while you are working or going to school and getting your own life together. It is easier to forget something if you keep yourself very busy. Gradually it will not be the foremost thing in your mind. Do not think about it not working out before it even gets started. Be more optimistic than that. Always think the best and only think of the worst when it happens.Best of luck to you. I hope that you find the happiness that you desire.

Answer 5

Have you tried counseling. You are articulate and I think could benefit from it, especially since you already know that your perception of marriage is off the mark. You can't afford not to care about finances, family, career and friends. 50% of marriages end in divorce. If you end up being foolish and getting married and divorce, you'll have no way of supporting yourself. You should be looking at colleges to attend. Why don't you talk to a counselor at the college about programs that you might be interested in. Then once you have a career, then you can find someone special.

Answer 6

Think of it like this. You need to get out and do things, experience things on your own, have a bit of a life all for you, learn things and see some of the world if you can and you need to do these things so that....1 you will be sure to get around enough to know what you want from a mate, 2 you get a chance to look around and find a mate that is going to be truly worthy of you, 3 experienc enough of life so that you can tell the difference between a man that can give you the love and home and family you long for and the kind of man that is hit and run just for fun or no account or just plain a terrible choice. and 4 you will need to know learn experince etc so that you will have enough wisdome and life knowledge to pass on to your children and to be able to help them as they grow and know enough not to screw them up too badly.

If you want to reach your goal and not just marry the first guy you can drag to the altar than you need to take your own advice,that is the unhealty way. Any man worth marrying wants to marry a woman that has more to offer than just wanting to get married and hang on him all the time that too is not healthy and the best way to make sure the man runs like hell

Get a life have some interests of your own have a few accomplishments of your own so that you can bring a whole vibrant person to a union and not just become a clinging vine trying to hide inside some one elses life. Girl even the best man can die and then what would you do? Get a life first so that you have a life to share with some one, no one wants to hook up with someone who has nothing to offer and nothing of their own to put on the table.

Answer 7

You are 18 yrs young and you have your whole life in front of you. Getting married is a big step and it should not be entered into without serious consideration for the other person much less yourself. Everyone is seeking that special someone or something to send them over the top. There is only one person that can that truly make it possible and that is God. Have you ever picked up the Holy Bible and read the New Testament about God's unconditionally love to us by way of His only begotten son Jesus? If you are not ready for that maybe try a pet dog they love unconditionally and/or cat, however; they can be temper mental when they want to. Best to you.

Answer 8

Three relationships... with yourself
with God (or your view of the universe/earth/something),
and with others.
And a special relationship with a mate is only one type of "others". It's a very small and narrow part of life.
I'm not saying it isn't wonderful, but it is only a part of being a happy, healthy, individual.
I would think some counseling might be a good idea... with the tiny window into your world that you gave us... I wonder if your relationship with yourself might not need some care.
If you aren't right with yourself... then you don't have much to bring to a married relationship.

If one is happy and healthy... they bring a lot to the marriage table. If one want the marriage to full fill them... they will suck their spouse dry because they have brought nothing to the marriage table.

Answer 9

You are confusing one issue with another. That you need a soulmate is obvious and natural.

However, marriage is not necessarily the venue for that.

Maybe it will be and maybe not. But FORGET marriage right now.

Just concentrate on yourself and having a relationship with someone. If marriage comes into the picture then so be it. But do NOT try to make marriage happen.

Marriage is mostly a downer for a relationship. Sometimes it isn't but, for the most part it is.

Answer 10

i know what youre saying.
deep down you want solidarity that "marriage" may bring you.
to find a secure unit within your life through marriage.
be careful that the word marriage doesnt make you marry for the wrong reason and the man you choose, his life and family you will be married to is the reality.
you are young and have many, many years to learn about life, dont give away yourself too easily - let the man earn your love and YOUR hand in marriage.