My husband wants to name our baby after his father and I don't.?

Question

My husband wants to name our first son's middle name after his father. His parents chose to name his middle name after his father's father and their second son after his mother's father. My husband thinks we should follow this same tradition. I disagree. I do not like his father's name and am very against naming my child that for a "tradition" that started only with his parents. His parents have already voiced the opinion that they want us to do the same as they did. I think my husband is for this idea because his parents feel so strongly. I know that it is only a middle name but every time I think about saying the full name it makes me cringe. I am also fairly against the idea of naming people after family members because they are family, I myself was named after my dad's mother in my mothers attempt to make my grandmother like her. I now am named after a woman I hardly know with a name I don't like. I don't know how to resolve this with my husband as we are both stubborn. Thoughts?

Answer 1

You have to be comfortable with your son's name, plain and simple. So I have to agree with you. There's absolutely no reason to name your child for someone simply because the family is putting pressure on your to do so.

In fact, even if I *wanted* to name a child for a family member, I likely wouldn't if that same individual (or others close to them) were trying to cajole me into doing so. It isn't a tradition in this case, as you've already pointed out, and "honoring" someone in such a way is no longer an honor, but an unfortunate loss of control, if you follow.

Just as your mother's -- and therefore your -- similar experience. She tried to compromise in the name of family, and it obviously made little headway ... the only result being you, her child, stuck with a name she dislikes linked to a person she barely knows, much less relates to.

Given that, I simply wouldn't cave. Explain your feelings to your husband, and leave it at that. Hopefully he'll understand, even if it takes a bit of time. Good luck!

Answer 2

Well, my husband is Greek, and I am not. The Greek tradition is to name the first boy child the grandfather's name. As this is an ingrained practice by the Greeks, I had no choice but to comply. And this is the first name, by which I'd have to refer to my child every day. Anyways, I didn't like the name at first, but in time, my son made me love the name after all, as the feelings associated with that name changed for me through the love I have for my child. So, I'd say you're lucky in a way, as this is only a middle name, which you won't have to use on a daily basis if you don't want to. I wouldn't over-argue the point. Let them have their tradition. I think there are more important things in life to worry about for your children than just a name!

Answer 3

He is the baby's dad and should have some say in his son's name. I assume that you were able to pick out the first name? Is there another variation of his father's name that you could use that doesn't sound so bad? Another name that starts with the same letter? I know that if we ever have a son, my husband will want to give him the first name William, but have him go by his middle name. It means a lot to him as I'm sure this middle name means a lot to your husband.

Answer 4

It's a tough decision but when you are married you must make compromises. You don't really use the middle name any way that often . Wait until the baby is born and use the fact that you gave birth to get your way. I picked all of my 4 daughter's first names and my husband picked the middle names ,but I still had final approval .Good Luck.

Answer 5

It depends on how important it is to you to make the family happy. If a different middle name for the baby is more important to you than their family tradition, then there you go. It may cause conflict or hard feelings though, especially for your father in law, since you hate his name! lol

It's just a middle name - most people I know don't even know my middle name, and vice versa. I don't really like my middle name - but it was family tradition to name after the grandparents. Like I said before - it depends on what is more important to you.

Answer 6

First I would have a heart to heart with your husband about your feelings and his feelings. Really take relatives out of the equation. If he is still firm about it, then remember that marriage is about comprimise, for both of you.

Also, I will tell you a story about how things can change. My sister had a name she really wanted to name her first baby...say Alice...but, her husband really wanted say Marie. Well, they just kept butting heads over it and then the baby came. Her husband was in the room with her when the baby was born and the first words out of his mouth after seeing what she went through, was name the baby whatever you want.

Just have a good talk about your feelings and both try to get on the same page. Just remember that you have to keep emotion out of the equation.

Answer 7

i think that the mother should have a bit more say than the father, but the father is a part of the family, so everyone should have a fair decision. I think you should use a variation of the the name, such as Roy for Leroy, or Quinn for Quinton.

Answer 8

You can give the child more than one middle name you know. Later just use the name you don't like as an initial. Example. Richard Timothy Wilberforce Smith becomes....Richard Timothy W Smith. The child can later decide to drop part of his name. The grandparents would be happy and could call the child whatever and you and your spouse wont be mad at each other. The only other option is next child...grandparents name it/

Answer 9

Ok, I'm curious, what's your FIL's name?

Anyway, stick to your guns. They shouldn't pressure you into naming your child a name you don't like. To keep the peace, you can tell them that you will take their suggestion into consideration. When your son is born, name him whatever you want.

Answer 10

Make it the middle name or name it after your husbands dad but call him by an agreed nickname.