I look into your eyes at night,
Gazing to them for my Delight,
Moonlight strikes upon your face
I await your warm embrace
However never it shall be so
But how I love you, you don't know
Family disputes shall not be solved
my hopes and dreams have dissolved
I dream of you, night and day
How your beautiful in every way
I dream of you, until dawn
Where alone I stand, You are gone
2007-11-08 08:59:03 · 5 answers · asked by Doctor Music 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
First time out I say good job. I see where you could use some refining but that will come as you continue to grow in your craft. I am not big on rhyming but you made it fit with this piece - KUDOS. I recommend adding details, so you can really take this poem to the next level. Such as; you say family disputes shall not be solved - why not? what is the dispute about? You say you love her - why? what is it about her that makes the writer feel this way? and why hasnt the writer revealed this to the woman? Just those minor details can your poem more feeling...more experience. Thank you for sharing...do share more
Write on!!
Earth
2007-11-08 09:13:57 · answer #1 · answered by Earth the Poet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can rhyme but you need to work on poetic images. There is nothing whatsoever creative about the descriptions in this effort.
2007-11-08 10:27:24 · answer #2 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a good first step on the long, golden path of the poet.
Edit: ooh, glad 2 c it wasn't just me who thought of romeo and juliet!
2007-11-08 09:04:09 · answer #3 · answered by kleptomanic sheep 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEEDS WORK, BUT NOT BAD FOR A FIRST TRY.
2007-11-08 09:06:23 · answer #4 · answered by Loren S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good.... sounds like it's based off romeo and juliet.
i like it. good job, keep it up! :-)
2007-11-08 09:05:17 · answer #5 · answered by pomeranianlvr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋