i'M WRITING AN ESSAY?

Question

IT IS ABOUT TEEN PREGNANCY
WHAT THE GOV. DOES TO PREVENT IT
& SOME MORAL / CONSCIENCE ALTERNATIVES
IT HAS TO BE 5 - 7 PAGES

IS THIS A GOOD START (I AM A HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR?)

You can spot them almost anywhere. In the mall, on a bus, or walking down a crowded city street. I am talking about pregnant teenage girls. They seem to be everywhere you look because teen pregnancy is becoming a huge social issue.

Did you know that four out of every ten females in the United States becomes pregnant at least once before the age of twenty? That is 40% of the young women of that age group! And did you know that over 900,000 teenagers become pregnant every year? Shocking, is it not? Despite all the efforts to promote awareness of the issue and the abundant variety of birth control products available for purchase and even given away for free, the teeange pregnancy rate is steadily rising.

Answer 1

Well I disagree completely with your last sentence.
Too much effort (funding and publicity) goes to "abstinence-only" education, very little to pregnancy prevention. Birth control products are difficult for teenagers to obtain, due to embarrassment, lack of $, refusal of some clinics & pharmacies to examine or dispense without parental consent, and general inability of middle and lower-income teens to access help.
What the govt does to prevent teen prenancy: state govts, very little. Fed govt, nothing.
Moral/conscience alternatives: no outsider is going to convince teenagers that they should convert to abstinence. The only answer is available, non-judgemental birth control.
And if you'll check some current statistics, you'll find that the rate is in fact declining.

Answer 2

Nice, but I expected you to have a "sell out" for your first paragraph. When I say "sell out" I mean summarizing (epitomizing) and letting the reader have a total feel of your thoughts in the first paragraph. This will set the tempo for whoever reads to read the whole essay. You can talk about data and statistics somewhere in the 4th or 5th page.
You must understand that teenage pregnancy is a major issue in every society, cause it kills potentials, dreams, aspiration, education, etc. all these can be highlighted in the first page. Then you have to come up with examples, the pros and cons, the consequences, etc. If you take this advise, you'll make an "A".... lol wish you the best

Answer 3

Very good start. I think teenage pregnancies (or rather pregnancies among young, unmarried teens) is one of the saddest of all situations. These young girls are usually left high and dry by the guy who impregnated them, and are faced with the difficult choice of being a single mom (something few are prepared for as they don't have the skills or the maturity to find well-paid jobs that will allow them to pay for daycare for their babies and support themselves and the child) to abort the child, which leaves life-long trauma, or to give the child up for adoption, which is also traumatic.
The government can't prevent teenage pregnancies. The only one who can prevent a teenage pregnancy is the girl - by refusing to have casual sex, or insisting, if she is in a committed relationship, that her partner use birth control and that she uses birth control. Because pregnancy isn't the only outcome of casual sex. STDs are also on the rise.
But above all, these girls aren't giving themselvs a chance to grow up, they aren't giving themselves a chance to just be kids, and they are throwing themselves into the adult world much too soon.
However - you don't want to hear my rant.
All I wanted to say is, you have made an excellent beginning. Keep it up - it looks like an A grade on the horizon......

Answer 4

It's an interesting read. The second sentence isn't a complete sentence. You might want to combine it with the first sentence using a colon. Watch the slang, like given away. I'd use the more precise verb distributed.

A essay should present your point of view. Good start, I think.

Answer 5

i think thats a really good start. look up some more information & keep up the good work.! =)

Answer 6

good start!