Wife made out with another guy?

Question

My wife and I have been married a long time and love each other.

She recently told me that years ago she was infatuated with another man for a few years and made out with him – no sex. I almost left her at the time because I sensed something was going on. Recently, she found the need to tell me because we are close. I do love her.

It sounds nuts but I don’t mind the making out as much as the infatuation (emotional attraction) and the lies.

She says she wants to be with me til the end and feels terrible. I have given in many times and about to give in again. My emotions swing – some days it seems OK, other days I want to get even, other days I want to separate.

How do I believe her and trust her? And should I?

I know one answer is counseling – and I will go. But first, has anyone gone through this and can provide something besides get counseling.

Answer 1

Yes and i can tell you this you're only getting half the truth guarantee there's more to the story she feels telling you they just fooled around releases her from her guilt but you know she did more deep in your heart don't you, look at this way she felt guilty enough to fess up to half the truth that's a start..

Answer 2

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Answer 3

U seem like a very good guy. I don't really know the reason behind your wife's indiscretions, but if she didn't purposely go out her way to get infatuated with another guy, I guess u can have faith and believe her. Like, if u and her was having some kind of situation going on at the time and there was this guy being nice to her while you all were on the outs. Maybe it wasn't intentional. Us women need attention, some a lot, and this guy might have of just wooed her at the wrong time. I know 4 a fact though, if everything is on the good at home, there is no way possible I could let any man, cute or not, get in between the man that loves me. She must know that these doggs out here do not want anything from a married woman, but to bone. Point blank. I'm sorry that u r going through this and I wish u the best. If the both of yall remember that Love is God and God is love, u will make it through anything. And that's the truth.

Answer 4

I haven't gone through this yet, but I know people who have. There's a saying that time heals all wounds. This was probably a wound that healed, then got ripped open. The time for her to have told you this was years ago, when things were happening, not years later when things were better. I'm sure you have trusted her once things got better up until the minute she told you this. Now your trust is a big 0 in her. Anyway, if you choose to stay with her, my best advice is counseling and give it time, and hopefully she won't drop any more bombshells on you in years to come.

P.S. There really isn't any difference between making out and having sex. The damage is the same.

Answer 5

Tough situation, and I feel for you.

In your recollection, has her attitude towards you changed, especially during the times when she had this infatuation with another man? How do you know that there was no sex involved... are you taking her word for it? If you do, then you actually still have trust in your relationship. Now whether she's actually lying or not is the question.

The main thing here is if you can totally forgive her for what she has done. If she is truly remorseful about it, then go ahead and move on. But if you decide to move on, you CANNOT dig into this EVER again. Or else, this would be a revolving problem and will catch up on you in the end.

Answer 6

Next time the subject comes up, ask her how sorry she is about it. If she were really sorry, she wouldn't bring up a subject that she knows is painful to you. The most likely reason for her to even mention it is that she is trying to manipulate you into complying with her wishes and sing a sneaky underhanded trick called an implied threat. Ask her how far you could go with a woman of her choosing to make herself feel better about her betrayal of your trust? Don't forget that if she is really sorry she will be willing to sacrifice a little of her pride + the intrest over time for the offense multiplied by the number of times the topic has been brought up. Or, you could just show her this answer and ask her if she thinks that the math adds up.

Answer 7

You either need to decide you're over it and move on forever, or decide you're not over it and deal with it in a different way. If you just keep hanging on to it you'll continue to have good days and bad days. Counseling might be your best bet. If you love her and you want to be with her, accept the fact that it happened and it's in the past. Trust is an all or nothing thing. Treat the situation like an old novel, once it's over put it away and move onto something better.

Answer 8

This was one of those moments that she felt like she could confide in you with out you getting mad. It happened a long time ago and she probably punished herself harder than you ever could, but it was a road she had to travel to find out that you truely are the one in her heart. you know like a gay man will kiss a woman just to make sure he knows he's gay and vise versa. same thing. she was just making sure, that's all and now she knows and she just opened up and shared it with you to get it off her chest because she loves you and wants no secerts between you. you know that had to take a lot of courage for her to come clean on that, would you have been able to do that, cut her some slack. it was a long time ago. give it to god and move on. have a happy life. tell her that it bothers you and she will apolygise but give her some credit too, she loved you and trusted you enough to tell you, if she thought for one minute that it would end your marriage she wouldn't have told you. and then the next time she has to tell you something she won't and then the keeping of secrets begins and a down ward spiral you both will go..

Answer 9

You have to ask your self this...

Even with or after counseling do you think you can completely get over this?

If not then you should just end it. It isnt right for you or her to be in a relationship when you cant trust her and you cant get over it. There is nothing wrong with not being able to get over it.

I would just ask your self that one question and figure out if the counseling is really worth it. Cause if you cant get over it then why bother with the counseling.

Answer 10

Keep your eyes and ears open. Don't sit by with your blinders on. Unfortunately, cheaters some times cheat again. She should be accountable for everything she does. That's the only way you can begin to trust her again.

Making out with another man is adultery. Making out is a sexual act. You have to forgive, you make the mental decision to forgive and you pray for her. Every time it comes up again, remind yourself you have forgiven and pray again. After a while the forgiveness will work it's way down to your heart.

Forgiving her doesn't mean you have to lay your heart out to be stepped on again. So keep your self alert.