Problem with husband's drinking?

Question

My husband is a drinker. I drink occasionally, but I just can't drink that often. He went from being a heavy drinker when we first got together and reduced it quite a bit. He slowly started increasing his drinking. Now he is back up to 5-6 beers a night. He wonders why this bothers me so much. No matter what I tell him, it's not a good enough answer for him to slow back down. He says he's healthy, doesn't get violent and it relieves stress, so I should just let him do it. I feel strongly about this, but I can't put it into words. Bottom line, I don't like him drinking all the time. What can I do? Should I just let him have what he wants so we stop fighting about this? Please help!

Answer 1

Get off his back. As stated, the problem is YOU don't like him drinking, so the problem is YOU!!!!
Practical solution: spring for a trip (for 2) to Europe, where people drink every day, beer or wine with meals, etc. and learn to get over your puritanical American prejudice against alcohol.

Answer 2

Here are 5 warning signs

1. If you're starting to be concerned about the level of your drinking, you probably should be. Even if you're not dwelling on these types of thoughts, but they just occur to you from time to time, it's an indication you may have an abuse problem.

2. People who know and care about you are starting to mention their concerns over your drinking. Perhaps they don't even mention it, but you start to notice them steering you away from drinking-related activities. A sure sign of impending or current alcoholism is having had multiple run-ins with the law for alcohol-related offenses.

3. If you're drinking socially, you may lose some inhibitions, but your personally doesn't change. When you're suffering from alcoholism, drinking brings about very specific mood changes. These can vary from person to person, but could take the form of silliness, happiness, depression, irritability, or even something more aggressive and dangerous.

4. Your behavior changes when drinking to the point where you do things you would never consider doing when sober.

5. You move from an occasional, social drinker, to a regular or repetitive one. If you're drinking an amount exceeding legal limits every time you drink, and that is starting to happen more and more often, you definitely need to take a closer look at your relationship with alcohol.

Answer 3

Sorry to say this, but it sounds like you will have to evaluate your marriage... and make a list of pros and cons.

People who have not had this problem in their family -or with a spouse- do not understand the stress it causes the non-drinker.

(Many times, others make you feel like you're being overly neurotic or just plain mean by complaining about this; but those who have had to live with alcoholics know just how hard it is to deal with this situation- and to try to learn how to cope with it, when you realize they don't want to accept they have a drinking problem...) Every coin has two sides.

I know exactly what you are talking about; and I got to a point where I had to choose between my mental/physical/emotional well-being...or my marriage.
Thank God my family supported me and I am now free of such a terrible, stress-filled life. It was not an easy choice back then, but I now regret having waited so long for him to change....
.............................................
Please check out sites that talk about alcoholism, and evaluate how much more you are willing to spend waiting for him to "see the light." Alcoholics have a lot of issues inside, and unless they WANT help or are willing to accept they cannot control their drinking, not much can be done by others.
Good luck......Take care of yourself!

Answer 4

We can't make your choices for you - and they are not easy choices either.

Thing is, he will not get better. He will continue to drink - and all that goes with it - the missed rent/car/utility payments, the job hopping, the hangovers etc. etc. etc. You will never have a life with an alcoholic. Trust me.

And it will only get worse. Much worse.

So are you willing to live with this?

By the same token, if you leave him then you'll get your life back - but you won't have him. Are you willing to live with that?

First. You. Join alanon. Trust me. Knowing that you're not alone - and have people you can turn to who are in your shoes is a good thing.

Second, get some good counseling. You're going to have to accept that Husband's drinking is not your problem - but it won't ever get better - until he decides that he's done with drinking. period.

Third - since this will not get better - no matter how much ou nag, fight, pray, beg, cajole, allow, enable - etc. you're going to have to decide whether you're better off with him - or without him.

Answer 5

Do you really want help or do you just want someone to tell you that you're right and your husband is a drunk? Because he is a drunk, he was a drunk when you met him and he is going to continue to drink. He is going to drink more and get bitter if you keep bringing it up until your relationship is ruined.

Solution.... try coming up with simple things to do after work so he doesn't have the opportunity to drink. Go for a walk when he gets home. Go to a movie. Go to the park. Give him something to do and also you will be spending time together.

Answer 6

I would let him know that he may be healthy now but the long term effects of drinking are huge he can get psorosis of the liver have a heartattack It causes high blood pressure all of these are from long term drinking.. I don't know if you guys have kids but I would ask if he wants the kids to do the same things he is. Or ask him if he wants you to drink as much as he does. maybe he will see things from your point of view.

Answer 7

Ask him if you had a emergency health problem how he plans on getting you to the hospital in time. I bet he has no good answer for that. If you ever have kids (or if you already do) that's even worse, because THEY come first, not Sam Adams or Mr. Miller or your old Bud

Answer 8

Hon, he's an alcoholic, or rather a drunk (alcoholics go to meetings). Something you need to know about addictions -- any addictions -- they just aren't available for relationships, they are already in one.

There's nothing you can do... accept that you are at least number two in his life, or leave, simple.

Answer 9

You can help by quit being an enabler...by sitting back...not saying anything just so you wont fight about it....you aren't forcing him to see a reason to quit drinking....

Answer 10

See if he'll go to counseling, If he doesn't want to do that suggest that he find an AA meeting. If that doesn't work apply some pressure and tell him that ur leaving if he doesn't get help.