Do you think my wife failed to "Stand up for her Husband" while communicating with her co-workers?

Question

I am almost 50 and my wife is 40. My wife of 5 1/2 years is a very beautiful woman, I'm not a good-looking man right now, I've gained a lot of weight over the last 4 years and it is very concerning to both of us.

During the past 5 years, I've had to defend myself against 3 malicious lawsuits and have been constantly dealing with a custody battle with my ex over my daughter. To say I've been under a lot of stress would be an understatement.

When I'm stressed, I eat and I've been battling this for decades. During this time I've been working my butt off making enough money to support my family (wife, daughter, step-daughter) in a comfortable fashion. My wife during this time attended cosmotelogy school and we've set her up in business though we've received no income from her business. I'm a good, honest, hard-working husband with integrity.

My wife's co-workers said to her that she is "Much too pretty for your husband".

PLEASE WAIT FOR ADDITIONAL INFO BEFORE YOU ANSWER.

My wife tells them that I wasn't so heavy when we were married, makes excuses for me and acts embarrassed....this is what she told me this morning.

Since when are looks the only value of a man? I provide for my wife and my step-daughter, I have honor and integrity, I do everything I can to do the right thing and my wife doesn't stand up to her co-workers (most of them don't have husbands) and say something like....

I love my husband, he's a good man. He works hard for me and my daughter, he's honest, sincere, trustworthy, and I can depend and trust him.

Since when is the value of a husband determined ONLY by how he looks?

I will lose this weight but I feel my motivation right now is for the wrong reason.

I would appreciate your honest opinions.

Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

Don't let it bother you. I bet their mouths would drop if you sent your wife a dozen beautiful roses to her job. Kill em' with kindness. When they see the attention you give your wife, they will see what a really good man you are and they will shut their mouths. That'll reverse the table a bit. Your wife will have to stand up for you because they will want to take her place. HA!

Answer 2

I can feel your pain. She might have being honest, though, because it sounds like you both have talked about you wanting to lose weight. Maybe you can talk to her and tell her that you would appreciate it if she could stand up for you as you are, because you have always assumed that she has loved you throughout this hard time. Tell her that making excuses for you sounds like an apology and that you are sure that is not what she meant at the time. You are right, she should be telling these people that the measure of a person is not their looks. As the years go by, both of you will lose your attractiveness, and it hit you sooner than her.

Answer 3

This question is very difficult for me but I thought it deserved a reply. I am 37 and this is my second husband. With life experience, I have learned that looks have little to do with relationships. Yes, there must be a physical attraction but relationships go far deeper than that. Regardless of my husbands appearance to others, he will always be the perfect man in my eyes. I respect my husband as he respects me. The only advice I may give (and I'm sorry this isn't much) is love and respect yourself. Love and respect her. Compliment her on even the smallest details, "is that a new color eyeshadow for you, it really brings out your eyes." Show her, don't tell her, but show her that you are the perfect catch. A little good goes a long way. And she will want to reciprocate. If you should see those coworkers of hers, turn on the charm and hold your head high!

Answer 4

First of all it is none of there business how much weight you
you have gain i feel that if a man is good provider for his family and they want for nothing that's good enough. If someone said to me that i was much to pretty for my husband i would ask them what they meant by that. I would not have to make excuses for you because if she loves you she should be proud of you no matter how you look its the inside that counts. Because people look at the out side and god looks at the inside..

This is the best answer i can give
best of luck

Answer 5

I personally would be quite offended if anyone said that to me, let alone a coworker. To give your wife the benefit of the doubt, she was probably shocked that someone would say that to her and didn't really have time to gather her thoughts before responding. If she had had time to prepare a response, perhaps it would have been a little more thoughtful and sensitive. I realize you're hurt, but you should be thankful that you have a beautiful wife who obviously loves you dearly, even with the extra weight, since she is with you. Once your life slows down and the stress decreases, you'll hopefully have time to devote to yourself and getting healthy again.

Answer 6

She is also being honest.
I agree with you but you also indicate that you know you have a problem
I expect my man to look after himself as do I

Having said all that I also empathise with you and agree that she should have defended you, But how do you know that she has not been doing that for some time now?

Is it not about compromising. She's obviously been tolerant about your weight gain It concerns her most likely for your health Sure there are reasons but you should work on it instead of finding a reason not to.

Answer 7

I get all teh freaking time "youre too pretty for such and such" and yeah..your wife let you down big time but thats just a girl's pass time to talk about who is right for whom and what not. F her if she cant deal with a good man...when looks fade thats when you see what a person is all about and thats why shallow women are always looking for Mr. F'n right. BTW my mate was 28 years older than me and I stuck to him to the end when the everyone disliked what we had..it lasted 7 years before he past so let me be mad at your wife with you too :)

Answer 8

Does your wife think so, cuz that's all that matters. She should love you regardless of your weight. I would. I have been told the same thing about my husband. But I don't love him for how he looks. I love him for the man he is. The people that insulted my husband are no longer in my life. They are extremely shallow and will probably die very lonely people.

Answer 9

All that matters is what your wife thinks. But yes, if someone is cutting you down, your wife should be standing up for you. Wouldn't you do the same for her?

Answer 10

Uhm, I think under ANY circumstances, she said have told the co-worker to "F" off.