Am I crazy? My husband cheated on me and now I feel hurt and miserable, he said he loves me, he never change his ways with me, he is always at home, takes me out for dinner,buys me presents and even during his affair he never changed but now I feel that I cannot trust him, but at the same time I love him, I will feel so sad if our marriage ends but sometimes I feel is the only way to end my misery....sometimes I even feel the need to hurt him,and I feel hate sometimes....what can I do?
2007-11-08 06:20:53 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let go of that anger.
Either forgive and TRY to move on .. but don't stay and be angry, angry people have horrible wrinkles! Yuck.
2007-11-08 06:30:56 · answer #1 · answered by Queenie` 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long ago did this happen? Even when you forgive someone, you can't change the hurt inside; that takes time. I've been exactly where you are right now; had the same experience. All was great, sex was great, he treated me wonderfully, etc. etc. etc. while he was cheating. And after I found out, just as you, he treated me as if I was a queen; even more loving and romantic and such.
He is trying to show you how sorry he is for hurting you; for lying and deceiving. And that is a good thing; he is showing care and concern for you and your feelings; he knows he was an idiotic fool. The trust will come back, in time; though you may have occasional twinges of pain, it will get better and better each day. Yes you are angry at him; you gave him love and he gave you pain in return; who would not feel anger over that. Know what, though, I was more angry that he turned me into a suspicious wife which I hate and do not wish to be. But that also changes as the trust grows. Keep working on it; you love him and sometimes that is not an easy thing to do. He loves you also; he was simply foolish.
2007-11-08 17:02:52 · answer #2 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cannot forgive and forget then you really should move on. What he did is wrong, no question about that. However, you need to decide, once and for all, what you need to do.
Sure you love him. Even after all that has happened, you will have feelings.
The truth is that he is likely not all bad. He has a tendency to this kind of temptation (his weakness), and the unfortunate, in fact tragic part, is that it has hurt you in the process. He may be a perfectly loving, giving and caring person in other regards.
He did this to you, but the unfortunate responsibility for the decision is on your shoulders. The truth is that you are not doing him any good either if you cannot get past this transgression. Forgiveness needs to be complete, or it cannot truly be called forgiveness.
The bottom line is that if you cannot see your way past this, there is no disgrace in breaking up. Most people would in a case like this.
If you are struggling and don't think you can get back to normal, you would both be better off, in the long run, in saying good bye, as sad as that seems.
Revenge by the way, is pointless. You may feel good for a while, but in the long run it will not improve your situation. If you can make the mature decision to either move on, or work on forgiving (either way is perfectly acceptable in this case), you will be happier.
2007-11-08 14:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either forgive this man in your heart, or divorce him. You're still angry, which is why you want to hurt him. You feel hate, because your anger is turning into hate. If you still love your husband, you have not choice except to forgive him. Instead of trusting him, trust yourself to know what is best for you. If this was a one-time deal, you can afford to let it go. One affair is not worth ruining a marriage. You won and the other woman lost; so stop pouting and forgive him. Understand that the only misery you feel is the misery you're making for yourself. Be woman enough to get over this and get on with your marriage.
Men don't cheat to hurt their wives. That's never the intention; so stop thinking he set out purposely to hurt you. This is where you're causing yourself so much pain. He did not mean to hurt you. Granted, he did; but it was not intentionally done. He had an affair. Get over it and move on!
2007-11-08 15:04:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband cheated on me and I know how you feel you are never going to be able to trust him and I am still with my husband and sometimes I do not like him even touching me I sometimes feel miserable and I do not even want to look at him but I made the decision to forgive him becuase of our kdis I look for revenge but I can not do it becuase I love him so much so revenge is never the good route if you want revenge be indifferent be mean and distant let me suffer by waving love to different people that do deserve it but just don't let him cheat again and if not you should leave because why are you going to become garbage just like him he is just another man in that jean pool of cheaters who do not deserve anything but to rot in hell. I sometimes hate my husband but my children and I have four adore there father and I drather give my kids all the love the can take and a loving home and everything even though I am always wearing a happy mask. So I suggest you either stay with him work things out but i assure you you will never forget. So i think you should divorce him and fined someone who really deserves you for you.
2007-11-08 14:40:14 · answer #5 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to forgive your husband if you want your marriage to work. All of your feelings are valid. But do you want to live another day feeling the way you do.You and your husband should seek counseling either with your pastor or a marriage counselor. Honey doing the same thing he did to you will not help it will make you feel worse. You all should pray together and ask the Lord Jesus to help you through this difficult time your marriage does not have to end because of this. You can over come this if you want to. Be blessed.
2007-11-08 14:41:42 · answer #6 · answered by chocolatelovely2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've seen marriages survive this. My husband had an affair with my brothers wife. I would have taken him back (beleive it or not) had it just been a fling. But it wasn't. He moved her into OUR house only days after I moved out (probably that same night for all I know) and he's now married to her. I think you have to follow your head and not your heart on this one. If he's willing the two of you should probably seek counseling just to get all the cards on the table.
Hugs to you, sweetheart.
2007-11-08 14:39:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you stayed with your husband and took him back after he cheated? Or are you still trying to figure out what you want to do?
If you can't get over it and forgive him, then your marriage won't work. You'll always wonder, always want revenge, always wonder every time a person calls his phone. And if you can't get past this and forgive him, then you can't be together.
I'm not one to judge as I wouldn't know what to do in your shoes, to each their own, but think about your health and sanity. This isn't a way to live. You are right to be angry and what he did was disgusting and wrong. But again, if you choose to stay with him, you HAVE to forgive him and move on or you two will both be living miserably for a long time.
Think about it. Maybe try counseling for yourself and also couples counseling. It's your decision as to how this plays out...
2007-11-08 14:26:56 · answer #8 · answered by Momto2inFL 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hit him where it hurts, if he loves you like he says he does (which is confusing because he cheated on you) Leave him break his heart like he did yours. You don't have to even be a little mean to him, that would do it while you are taking the "high road" Move on with your life and never look back hopefully children are not involved , other wise this would never work. So Good luck!
2007-11-08 14:49:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first ask yourself..as much as he did for you..did you put out in return? Men cheat jsut to cheat but obviously he paid attention to you..he question is..were you? I wont lie..I've been the mistress countless of times, sometime knowingly, at times I had no clue..but they all shared one thing in common..they lack sex at home. Some of the men even had happy marriages but if the wife couldnt do or would refuse to do something he wanted he would get it elsewhere. If the wives nagged about something a little too much like not sitting on a particular chair they would invite me just to have sex on it. Maybe your husband wanted something you didnt provide. As bad as life can get at times, men will always want sex..always...attention as well. For some reason married women seem to forget that. So dont go feeling all hurt ...try to make it up to him..yeah YOU. by no mean am I attacking you
2007-11-08 14:34:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Divorce him.
He cheated on you because he does not respect you. You said that he never appeared to change through it all. If he respected you at all, he would have at least felt guilty and perhaps treated you with more kindness either while having the affair or after it to show you that he really does care.
You are right to no longer trust him. There is no reason to trust him at all.
Take care,
Troy
2007-11-08 14:44:40 · answer #11 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋