young married guy needs some advice.?

Question

1999 my gf and i got married because she's pregnant(lthough i will still marry her even if she isnt pregnant in the near future).i was only 22 and she 19.it was a very very hard life for the both of us--baby's needs, rents, bills, food.after a year she got pregnant again.2003 my sister gave me an opportunity to work outside the country.then in 2005 my wife then just said that she felt out of love already -- even before i went out abroad.i tried to work things out silently but she filed an annulment which is really hard to accpet.then i met a single mom in our country via chat.things worked out just fine with us -- suddenly i am smiling again and feel loved.the problem is , deep inside me, i still love my ex wife and i know she does too (but she filed an annulment?which is really puzzling me)and another part of me wanted to make things work with this new love i've found.cant help but compare the 2 and the ex always win.i still love my ex but i dont want to lose my new love either

Answer 1

number one, getting married because she is prego is never a good reason, my parents did the same thing because my mom was prego with me, they only lasted about 2 years and one more child....now they get along but there have been a lot of bad things between them ove the years. Their marriage ended because they were both immature, didnt know the meaning of real love, and ultimately couldnt handle the stress of not using protection. haha But seriously, just because you got married to your first wife does not mean that you were in love. The fact that it continued to work through all that stress is a good sign you were in love, only you can decide the truth. Now maybe after all those years the two of you just went through a cool spell, everyone gets them, relationships have their ups and downs, but you didnt take the time to rekindle what you once had, leaving the country was a bad move, maybe your ex filed the anulment out of desperation or anger, anger because she couldnt believe she still loved you and wanted revenge or desperate to get a reaction out of you and see that you still loved her, any number of reasons, the reason that she no longer loves you and has moved on is only one possibility. If you still feel this way about her then you need to get your head on straight and certainly dont mess with another girl because its not fair to her. If you love this new girl then let go of the old one and dont toy with her. If you love your ex then try to make it work. It is always best for kids to have both parents around while they grow, but dont do it just for them because if it wont work with your ex wife then dont show the kids the bad side of both of you when you start to fight. You can be just as good of a father and just as happy with a new girl as you can be with your ex, you just need to decide where you want to place yourself. If you put your heart in to it then you have the passion to make it work, and if you have that passion then you are already well on your way to making it in whatever path you choose

Answer 2

First of all, you can't get an annulment if the marriage has been consummated [having sex], so THAT's out. Second -- never get married because a girl is prego -- that's like trying to build a bridge using playing cards -- it just doesn't work for long.

Also, you mention "chat". Do you mean online, or in person? Because online, everything in chat is exaggerated. It's all "my wife/husband doesn't understand me", which is just an excuse for not trying or just giving up. In person, unmarried people flirt a lot, and act in a way they wouldn't if married. "Married" means responsibility and stress. LOTS of stress.

AND -- from my 30 years of marriage -- I can honestly say you do not love that other woman. She just seems like a way out of a bad situation for you. As for the "falling out of love with you" statement, I doubt that's true... the two of you just don't know how to communicate to each other, and it's driving you both crazy.
On your end, you feel you will never be able to make enough money to satisfy all your family needs... from HER point of view, you either rarely help... or don't help AT ALL with raising the kids. That includes all the emotional stress she feels from day to day...MEGA STRESS although she may never mention it.

If you both still love each other, take a break and reconnect. Have someone babysit the kids, and go out together. Have a spa treatment, or rent a hotel room where the hotel has a pool... lounge around and get a tan or do a few laps. And DON'T keep checking in on the kids! Just let someone like Mom babysit. If she was good enough to raise HER own kids, she's good enough to baby sit yours.

Answer 3

You still love your wife. She supposedly loves you but filed for annulment. That seems to me like she's decided to move on from your relationship for one reason or another.

That having been said, have you talked to your wife and discussed why she filed for an annulment? Why beyond "falling out of love"? I'm guessing, and I hate to say this, that she found someone else as well, or she would stay married to you, even though you're working abroad right now.

You know that old saying "If you love something, let it go"? Maybe that's what you need to do. You were young and expecting parents, and that's a sad reason to "have to" get married. I just went through this with my cousin.

I say accept the annulment and proceed slowly with this new love of yours, letting her know that you're still fresh out of a marriage and that comes with complicated feelings. If she understands and is supportive, that's a very good sign for real love rather than infatuation.

Good luck and try to be part of your child's life as much as you can, s/he deserves it.

Answer 4

Sorry but your question does not make sense... You got married because she was pregnant, though you would still marry her even if she isn't pregnant in the near future? Pure gobbledegook I'm afraid. I cannot see how you get an annulment to a marriage after 8yrs and 2 kids, a divorce yes an annulment no, unless the marriage was fraudulent in some way. My advice? Forget both of them and start again on your own, do not even think of another relationship until you get yourself sorted out.

Answer 5

You need to be alone and enjoy your life while you are still young. You married at a young age and men truely aren't ready for the responsibilities of raising a family when they aren't thinking with the right head in the first place. There's nothing wrong with dating, just don't take the plunge again until you're older and more mature.

I'm going to assume you're still in contact with your ex-wife since you have two kids with her. Maybe in the future, when you both have done some sole searching you'll both realize whether or not you were ment to be with one another.

In the meantime, live out your 20's commitment free...experience everything there is to experience so when you get into your 30's you'll have no regrets. You'll have gotten most of it out of your system, since you would be more rounded and a more suitable catch for any lady.

Answer 6

I personally feels that its unfair to your new gal friend. But if you still thinking of your ex, then you better talking it out with your new gal friend, dun keep things in the dark, communication break down causes all the unnecessaries. Understand what you want. Think more than twice. Remember, only stable/relax mind can think better. Too much advice can't get you anywhere. For local S'porean, if you are chinese, married more than 2 years you can't file for annulment and you have to go thru a separation of 3 years, malay also dun have annulment they only have divorce but less then a year also can file divorce.

Answer 7

Just because you have a new love doesn't mean you should forget the first one. Your ex wife probably got the annulment because you were leaving anyway, and probably thought it was the best solution at the time. In other words, she probably did it to make it easier FOR you. It doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, and doesn't mean she wanted to be apart.
Put your big boy pants on and go back to your ex wife, and try to make it work. If it fails the second time, at least you can say you tried.

Answer 8

You will always love your ex. She was the mother of your first child and you cared about her and were willing to make the marriage work, she's the one that wanted out.
So, it's understanding for you still have some sort of attachment to her and there's nothing wrong with loving her.. but the in love aspect of that relationship is obviously over because she ended it.
Now, I'd just tell you to take things slow with this new woman. You don't want to hurt her and it's not fair for you to still love your ex and tell her that you love her too. So, get to know her even better and keep her close. Eventually she'll make you forget about your ex and she'll probably make you a lot happier. You just really have to work slow at it. You've rushed into things before and look where it got you.. so just take your time this time and hopefully things will go good.
I have my fingers crossed!

Answer 9

I'M not saying you don't love your ex because i know you do..what i think is your problem is the fact that she filed an annulment which is more or less saying you didn't exist..sometimes the things we want aren't always what we get..try to look at this as a new chance for you to do it right this time. not saying you was wrong but just saying as far as giving your love to another woman.. our love is the one thing we have that no one can take from us..we give it.. .. don't let yourself be consumed with what could of been .. just see what you have and thank god you got another chance to share your love.... good luck

Answer 10

Dont go ruining someone else's life becasue you cant make up your mind.Speak to your current girl and see whats up. I'm sure you guys still love each other but liking the person changes with time especially when you are both still growing up. I dont think now is the time to start a new relationship if you dont know which way to go. Its always hard to stop loving when suddenly someone does it for you becasue obviously you werent ready and the only reason you left overseas was to help your family. Does your ex really deserve you for quitting? BUt thats what young people do...and you are not the only one. Alot of young kids in the military got married right out of high school for x-reasons only to find out via-e-mail that their wives cheated, werent in love anymore or couldnt handle being alone. you guys are jsut too damn young to live grown up lives