I have been dating the man of my dreams for almost a year now. He has asked me to move in with him the begining of next year, when my apartment lease is up. ( he has a new house )
I love this guy with all my heart and I want it to work out.
Any advice what to do, or not to do when getting used to co habitation ? Anything you would have done differently ?
A little background info:
Im 23 hes 32
I am a single mom to a 3yr old boy that he loves
we are both divorced and scared to make the same mistakes
2007-11-08 06:09:48 · 12 answers · asked by Jamie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi... i think that a year is probably an adequate amount of time to get to know someone... and if you feel comfortable with this man, and want to try a life together, then by all means, do so.
I think that if you and the guy discuss things like finances, how you are going to live, what your individual responsibilities may be BEFORE you move in together, things will go ok... then you won't have any hidden surprises, such as "hey, you have to pay 1/2 the mortgage every month"... you really need to talk about things.
Otherwise, treat one another as you wish to be treated, and i think everything will work through.
all the best! take care... i'm EXCITED for you!
2007-11-08 06:19:52 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Jamie, for the sake of that child--don't you move in with that man without a promise of marriage.
Your baby needs stability. The only reason that people would move in together without being married is to "see if it works out"....but you can't afford to "see if it works out" when you have a little one who is attached to him. Can you imagine the heartbreak your son would go through if he had to be uprooted and leave a man he grows attached to if things don't work out...
He is 32 years old and you have a child...I don't think that a year of dating is too soon to start talking about marriage. Ask him about the long term commitments and where you are going.
If you are scared to make the same mistakes, it might be a good idea to hit the couples counseling scene and see what issues the two of you have together that you are either aware of or unaware of and see how that goes, then you can decide where to proceed from there.
In my personal experience, the first year of living together was absolutely horrendous. We were trying to adjust to each other and we were fighting constantly. It got better and we worked out our territorial issues and eventually got married but honestly, we are the exception in the group of our friends, I can't even tell you how many people we have had to help move out of shared apartments because they broke up with their live-ins.
Oh, and should you decide to move in with him make sure that he puts your name on the title of the house or you have some sort of agreement (contract) that offers you stability and security--you are contributing to his mortgage every month so get something in writing that says that you own an interest in that property as long as you are paying....marriage would do that for you but otherwise you could live together for 10 years and break up and not have a cent to your name.
Think "long term".
I wish you all the best, hope you do whatever is right for you.
2007-11-08 06:41:20 · answer #2 · answered by joellemoe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure you have some space of your own.
I recently moved in with my SO and it went rally well as I did not have much stuff.
Sit down and make a list of what you expect financially out of this arrangement It is not the easiest conversation you'll ever have but it needs to be done. Include everything including insurances
If need be set rules about who does what - We did not but we found we are extremely compatible in that respect.
If it is house consider a lease or rental agreement for your protection after all you have a son to think about.
But on the other hand it will also protect your BF and his main asset his house.
In my previous relationship we over organised our lives We had rules for everything Though in my current relationship we did make some arrangements but not too many we both knew the difficulties coming up but we did not encounter many which still is surprising to us.
It just fits
2007-11-08 07:30:27 · answer #3 · answered by MissE 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From experience, you two need to sit down with pen and paper and go over the following. Finances, expectations as to who will be responsible for what, and ground rules for the kiddo. Look at it that you are starting a life together, get all the crap out of the way before anything else. The biggest issue you will run into is the finances, no one wants to feel used.
You sound like you are level headed. Therefore, he must be. You two will figure it out. All I am saying is do it before hand not as you go.
2007-11-08 06:47:21 · answer #4 · answered by bootsontheroad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not to sound sexest or anything but a man loves when a women cooks for him. That doesn't mean to spend your life at the stove or anything, but a lot of guys love pancakes in the morning. My girl makes the best, and I'm always happy b/c of it.
Also, if you man does one thing his way, like say.... spend a couple hours a day watching t.v. don't ask him to change old habits in a single days time. Gradually ask him to spend more time with you if thats how you like it.
Best of luck to you both.
2007-11-08 06:17:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that you have known him long enough to make this leap ( especially with your child). Maintain your independence ( as in your own place etc. ) so that you can keep a clear head if Mr. Wonderful starts acting like Mr. @ss. You have to think of your child first and you dont want to start a pattern of moving in with a guy, moving out, and on and on. Get to know him MUCH better. See how he is with other women in his life, how he treats people he does not NEED, see how he is when your kid is acting bratty, just watch him and know him better first. There is no need to hurry at ALL. good-luck
2007-11-08 06:31:03 · answer #6 · answered by undone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say do it! Moving in together will further get you to know each other better. This should also help both of you to figure out if you can take it to the next level (marriage?).
If he feels the same way as you do, everything should work out just fine.
Good luck :-)
2007-11-08 06:17:09 · answer #7 · answered by George G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just go with the flow hun. Relax and enjoy the fact you're with a loving man. Don't overcomplicate things is my best advice. Just remember to respect each other and your boundaries and space. You'll be fine. Good luck and peace to you both.
2007-11-08 06:18:02 · answer #8 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
although there are no guarantees, just make sure u get to know him, know how he responds to stress, know how he treated others, and if u feel comfortable around him. ask loads of questions, work out the finances before u move in, find out his likes and dislikes ahead of time. when an argument occurs and it always seems to don't attack his character, stay on the problem and not the person.
2007-11-08 06:18:42 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I let my bf, husband now. move in with me before we got married. I had 2 small children at the time also, he loved them very much. It was kinda hard at first bc I was so use to being by myself, and doing things my way, but we managed to make it work. We have been married now for 5 yrs.
2007-11-08 06:19:46 · answer #10 · answered by baylees 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋