Question for married men.. why would you have affairs?

Question

i want to a couple of things...

why is that married men esp the ones who had love marriage, want to veer out of the marriage.. what is the thought that goes in their mind... is it that their wives will never know or even if they will what would they do... also why do they get bored in the marriage, in the end.. is it all about sex or do they really crave attention cos their wives are not what they expected them to be... ( only serious answers, preferably from people who have been in such a situation)

Answer 1

I'm sure everyone cheats for different reason.
this is my hypothetical story. If i cheated in my past marriage, This is how i would have done it. i'm gonna name this answer, 'if I DID IT, then this is what happened'. (i hope Fred Goldman isn't gonna steal this story away)

this story has never ever been told to anyone. i'm gonna come clean.

i was married to Candy(not real name) for 5 years. in the entire marriage, there were no spark. no passion. we were nothing more than glorified roommates.
then Candy started to resent me because i seemed lazy. I couldn't hold a job. I didn't contribute. any little love and support I received, all went out the window. sex was non existent, she treated me like trash and i continued to struggle with depression.
then, i got a job. i liked the job. and i met a girl named Pearl(again, not real name) at the job.

first, there were an instant physical attraction with Pearl. she was gorgeous. she smelled like roses, her skin was like silk.. her long beautiful dark hair was softer than mink. she gave me friendship. she gave me respect. she gave me love. she made me feel like i'm worth something. all music to my heart when i'm struggling with self esteem issues and depression.

by this time, my wife Candy and I were growing even farther apart. I resented Candy for not being Pearl. and I got irritated very easily with Candy.

then one day, Candy wanted to go to marriage counseling. Pearl and I were just friends at this time. Candy and I went to the counseling, and i let it all loose. thing that did it was me saying "i don't think i ever loved you". Something that is very commonly said among the depressed.

Candy and I weren't talking for weeks. and then she told me she wanted a divorce via MSN messenger. that same day, Pearl took me out. we talked and talked... and although we were just friends, sparks were flying all over the place. shortly after that, Pearl and I made the most amazing love ever.

this affair lasted 2 months, then i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Candy found out about the illness(and i'm sure she knew about Pearl. i didn't hide about her much) and that afternoon, i received divorce papers.

long story short, Pearl and I didn't work out either.

after the divorce, about 10 months later, i met someone new, Ryah.. (not a real name) someone i totally fell head over heels with. 2 months after that, Ryah and i got married. 3 months after, i knocked her up. 9 months later, baby boy was born. that was exactly a year ago. My 2 years with Ryah is something you only see on romance books.
i'd never ever cheat on Ryah. ever.

to answer your question, it was never about sex. it was about feeling loved and appreciated... and when someone pounds your head with a hammer, it just feels so good when the hammering stops.

Answer 2

it is too general a question to get a true answer. There are several reasons why men cheat or have affairs (I have never cheated by the way). Some could be bored in a marriage, some could be getting denied any sexual gratification at home, some may be addicted to sex and others may have no other reason what so ever. In a true affair where emotions and love is shared it is typically either they aren't truly in love with their wife or they are suffering from the "Grass is always greener" syndrome. For each person and each instance it carries its own unique set of circumstances that lead to the infidelity.

Answer 3

Listen, I am a man and I hear this dumb question from stupid women all the time. IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!!! Pay attention to your man. In the back of every man's mind is sex, particularly visual. You turn that off for him and you've got nothin', toots'. He's horny, GIVE HIM SOME-stop saying that you have a headache-stop complaining and obsessing over everything period-and THE KEEPER OF 'EM ALL-for the love of sanctified marriage please stop getting married and then immediately graduate into the golden years ultimately changing your mind that you'd rather live like an old soon to retire fart then have feverishly healthy sex. I'm not gonna apologize for telling the absolute truth. Rip up that piece of "paper" and F**K like jackrabbits. By the way, this is serious as serious can get, and I can care even less and give two worthless sh*ts if I get reported for telling you something truthful that you just simply don't want and hate to hear. So fry the bacon as he brings it otherwise just deal with it or collect child support and go on to support your dead-end-go-no-where-fast-live-in-boyfriend.

Answer 4

I had an affair about 8 years ago, many reason for it. But like superhot said, I love my wife, but the sex with the other woman was combustible to say the least. I know some of you will say no way, but yes. It is all the above answers that people have written, but one thing not mentioned is: why is the one who cheated the only one blamed? I am not trying to justify it or say it is right, it is not. But the other spouse in their own way or ways is a contributing factor. So the blame lies with both, one chose to express it in an unfaithful manner. Yes, my wife and I are still together and things are great. The other spouse needs to sit down and seriously look at their own lives what they are doing that led the spouse to cheat. Again, it is not justification, but it is reality, it takes two to marry and three to cheat.

Answer 5

some don't know there are highs and lows in a marriage, and there will always be disagreements, but some people won't stay with someone when there are problems especially when there are so many others out there willing to be with them, married or not. circumstances shouldn't matter but do in some cases. when they don't feel the love anymore or the problems never get worked out they will seek someone new who doesn't know them yet, where its stress free and they are getting their ego's stroked. its like a new toy for them, where they will see all of their wives bad points, and will look at the other woman and see her as perfect without fault.

Answer 6

I have been married 11 years and have never considered cheating!

MAYBE if my wife neglected me and refused to work to improve our marriage my mind/thoughts would wonder BUT I would divorce her before I got involved with anyone else.

Affairs are not fair on the other party either. GET A DIVORCE if you want out of your marriage!

Answer 7

I wouldn't cheat. I've been cheated on before, and it hurts. Really bad. I couldn't put anyone else through that sort of pain. Plus, if you are thinking about extramarital affairs, you need to think about if the relationship you are in is important to you, and by how much. Leave that person before you cheat on them. Save yourself and them a lot of pain. Plus you might end up half the man you used to be like John Wayne Bobbitt.

Answer 8

For the life of me I will never understand why everyone thinks all men cheat. I am married and yes I still love my wife.We just celebrated our 10th anniversary and things couldn't be better. Of course we argue sometimes, but I have not and will not cheat on her. I only wish all of you women would stop assuming all of us cheat. Who knows, if alot of men are reading these post where all women think we cheat then we might start to feel like we are obligated to do so. Women of the world grow up, quit accusing all of us men of cheating. Some of us are still true to our loves.

Answer 9

For one thing, don't always think of it as cheating; or getting bored. Women reach a point agewise where they want nothing to do with sex or anything. You can't kill them because of the paperwork and yada; and you still love them. So, you have to find a willing booty call who seeks no committment. The world is am imperfect place and there are times you just have to do the best you can.

Answer 10

There are lots of reasons men cheat(women too for that matter) and even more rationalizations for cheating. Just know this......women think of sex and love as being all intertwined, men do not! To men sex is just sex and love is another subject.
Men are hardwired to have sex with as many women as they can but it has nothing to do with love.