does anyone out there feel this way too??

Question

when i was younger i beleived that two people fell in love and got married and stayed faithful for their lives but the older i get the more i question that people are even capable of being faithful forever. does anyone question if it is possible to be with only one person forever?? and even the best marriages and the people who wouldnt seem like the time are full of affairs. am i the only one who is bothered by this??

Answer 1

I think times have changed. There was a time that when people married it was for life - for all kinds of reasons - economic, family, religious, society, etc. The common good, the good of the group, was more important than the good of the individual. However, even then, there were affairs, though often they were kept very quiet and were considered an embarassment. There have always been affairs, and there always will be.

Today, we live in a "me" society, and generally we are more concerned with ourselves and our own desires and needs than with those of society as a whole. So how we look at marriage has also changed, and if two people no longer want to be together, or if one of the two no longer wants to be together, then the common good of the family, for example, is not the first consideration. It may be questionable whether staying together for the sake of the family is even a good thing to do.

Another consideration is that if two people marry when they are young, often they have not yet really matured. The process of maturing and growing and changing over the next number of years may mean that they grow together, or it may mean that they grow apart.

I have had four long term committed relationships in my life. I ended two of them, and death ended two others. In hindsight, I know that I considered only one of those, the last one, the love of my life. We talked about that many times, and both of us believed that if we had met when we were young things might not have worked out and we might not even have noticed each other, because we were different people back then, and looking for something different.

I am bothered by affairs because they are dishonest and hurtful. I am not bothered by the fact that couples sometimes decide that it is time to move on from each other and to move in different directions.

Answer 2

Sorry to see your lack of faith. I think the biggest issue is with a lack of education and over romantcized image of the term "love".

For nearly 70 years we have been sold by movies that two people meet "fall in love" and live happily ever after.

First, IMHO, while there can be immediate intoxicating attraction, love results from respecting the person not the packaging. I don't think this is possible the first time you meet someone. I also think the term " to fall in love" itself just sounds too easy.

Second, there is no happily ever after. Being in an extended relationship requires hard work from both sides. There will be issues that cause friction and unless there is good communication, trust, and compromise they will build until things don't work anymore.

My wife and I have been married for 7 years and our relationship is stronger than ever. We had a rare occurrence (in these modern times) before our wedding though. Family and friends of all ages got together and we had a full day where they would give us advice on how to have a good relationship. One of the big ones that stands out was that what you say might not be what the other person hears. Seems obvious, but how many of us really think about what we are saying.

Bottom line, relationships are work and most cheating is because one or both of them are feeling neglected.

Answer 3

Ah the ideas placed upon us when we're young. I thought the same thing when I was younger. So much so that I married my high school sweetheart when we were 18. To say that I felt pressured by what was expected of me by society my family and my religion would be an understatement. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and I still do very dearly. After 18 years of marriage though, I've met quite a few women I've clicked with and all I can think about (almost every day) is "what if?" The "what if" questions are almost never ending, and, I drive myself crazy thinking about them. These are the questions that make me wonder if I did the right thing getting married and if I can or should be faithful forever. All I can say, is it's becoming increasingly harder to keep the idea of a monogamous relationship alive.

Answer 4

No. You are not the only one. I myself am getting divorced after ten yrs of marriage, but on the other had my parents have been happily married for over thirty. I think that society plays a big part on marriages now with the peer pressure of a persons friends and dont forget the porn. Which this is not really a problem untill one starts lying about it and hiding it from the other. This is very bothersome and I do wonder if there is such a thing as true love and even a true commitment.

Answer 5

It is possible to remain faithful to just one person hapilly but,the problem in our society today is that we are jumping into marriages and relationships way too quickly.We are not taking the time to evaluate what we really want in a person.We are not letting it sink in that the person we are marrying is the one we are going to duck it out with for LIFE for better or Worse, we just get so excited about the Wedding or worse some people have it at the back of their minds that they can always get out if it doesn't work out. Even when we do know what we need; sometimes out of fear of being alone and not ever finding that one special one we end up with someone who is not for us. Even well intended people in those kind of situations end up being unfaithful because they are missing something in their marriage and are finding it elsewhere. Yes my dear it bothers me too that is why i am really taking my time before i walk down the Aisle he's gotta be the ONE.cheers

Answer 6

Yes, I'm very bothered by this but our culture perpetuates it daily on t.v.). I've been married now for 19 years. I stay faithful to my wife not only because I love her but because I believe that when you do "Dirt" you eventually get "Dirty". Life has away of giving you a taste of what you've dished out(Universal Law). Of course we are human and we will often be tempted, however if you value your relationship, you put away your own selfishness. My marriage is and has always been 2 people putting their own wants and desires secondary to the needs and desires of the other. It has worked for 19 years. So, yes I know it's possible. It takes patience, caring, compromise, sharing, trust and communication(just to name a few). It's a wonderful feeling, knowing that your best friend(wife) puts you first. So, you in turn "break your neck to do the same.

Answer 7

No it is definitely still possible for marriages to last forever and be monogamous to one another. To me there is a difference between being faithful and being monogamous. Many marriages are working out just fine due to the realization of the difference between love and sex. The key is finding a partner who shares the same views as yourself. Many people are faithful with their love and emotion for each other throughout their lives together but still have sex with others. Others include monogamy as a requirement for their love and devotion. It is to each their own. The ones who secretly do it are the ones who are destroying the institution of marriage. That is just my take on things.

Answer 8

People are "capable" of doing anything they want and they choose to be unfaithful. They seem to have the attention span of a flea and more often than not throw themselves into relationships for all the wrong reasons. When people really understand what commitment means instead of thinking only about their own needs, a faithful relationship is more than possible.

Answer 9

Marriage is obviously a hard thing to maintain when it is categorized with divorce. Many women spend countless hours planning their wedding day, and less on maintaining their marriage. We live in a day where the idea having having the 'newest' (i.e. car, cell phone, laptop, home), coupled with lack of commitment (i.e. job/home/provider/hair n eye color), somehow how overflows to our values and decisions. When things get tough in a marriage (and that will happen 100%), it is so much easier to bail and find a 'new' partner. As for myself, I loved my husband the last 14 years and he me and we take our comitment to eachother with passionate value. I do see others who easily have affairs, but I choose not to. I too am bothered by today's 'norm'! All I can do is work harder at my marriage and continue to find ways to allow love to grown, AND BLOCK WAYS THAT WILL 'KILL THE FLAME'.

Answer 10

I thought the same way you did. Now I basically feel that marriage is a joke to ppl these days. My bf and I don't plan on getting married. This is our decision whether or not ppl agree is ok with us. We love each other and plan on being together for always. We don't need a peice of paper to tell us we love each other for always. We just see so many failed marriages because of affairs, and other things. I think it is possible to be with one person forever!