custody issue?

Question

So i am 3 weeks away from having a baby with my ex boyfriend...he was supposed to move down to MD with me when he grad college in decemeber but we faught a lot during the pregnancy and then he went and got a new girlfriend about 4 weeks ago so he is no longer moving down here. This was really hard for me bc i was relying on him to be down here to help me since i have no family in the area and now I will most likely have to move home to NY. This issue we are having is that when i suspected that he was with someone else i went into his phone voicemails as well as sent this girl text messages from both my number and his number (on the internet) to find out what exactly was goin on. I know this sounds so crazy and i wish i could blame it on being left a month before i am about to have his baby or my preg honrmones...i dont know why i did it. One day i admitted to doing those things wheni was on the phone wit him and he had tape recorded my confession.

i have also sent him test messages sayin that i want nothin to do with him...ne ways now he is sayin that he cant wait til the baby is born because that is when all the fun will begin...he says this in as sarcastic manner to let me know that he is goin to use those things i did against me and try to get custody of his daughter even tho he has not been there the whole pregnancy to support me...but he keeps on sayin that those things i did are enought to get my daughter taken away from me as well as his family and friends testifying against me sayin i am crazy...which i promise i am not bc i am wwell aware that what i did to find out the truth i should not have done...i was just so upset and scared...ne ways is it possibel for me to lose my baby for doing those things? i have a job insurance and did this whole pregnancy on my own...i also have a very supposrtive family and he the father has prior assualt charges on him

Answer 1

I am not a lawyer. But I have a few friends that went thur similar situations that you have described. The laws you broke by invading his privacy wouldn't qualify as a bad mother. And anything his friends/family say would be here-say. He would need to have proof from a Medical Professional that you were in fact crazy. Also, if he hasn't actually pressed charges against you for the listening, it will not look well for him. And by recording the conversation without your permission is also a violation of your privacy. Anyway long story short, unless he can prove your mental unfit, or that you are a repeat offender, or drug/alcohol addicted then you don't have much to worry about.

Sorry this has been so difficult fo you. Best of luck!!

Answer 2

He will not be able to take the baby based on that. The things the judges will look at is who can provide a better environment for the baby, who has been taking care of the baby (financially and emotionally). The fact that he hasn't been around is a HUGE strike against him and you can claim abandonment. (which will prevent him from even having rights to the baby).

My suggestion to you is start doing some research online and in your area. Find a custody lawyer, (you can usually find some that work pro-bono) and get a legal consultation on this. Courts tend to favor moms, especially of infants. If you're not doing anything that could endanger the baby (drugs, alcohol, prostitution, etc) they're not likely to take the baby from you. The things you've done are not enough for you to be considered emotionally unstable.

The prior assult charges (depending on what they were for, ie domestic violence) can be enough for the court to say he can't be near that baby, at all, ever. One of my best friends just got through this with her daughter. (But her ex has been accused of domestic violence several times by her and his new girlfriend as well as past girlfriends, so it might be alittle difference). But I can assure you that you have FAR better chances because of that.

Answer 3

It is highly doubtful in this situation that he would be awarded custody. Those tape recordings wouldn't even be able to be used against you since he did them without your knowledge, and even if they were they have no bearing on your mothering skills. Get legal backing right away...also the comment he made about taking the baby was a veiled threat, a good lawyer will tear him a new one in court over that.

You know, if you wanted to, just to be a biotch, you aren't required to put his name on the birth certificate since you aren't married. Then he will not only have to petition the court for visitation rights, he will have to request (and pay for) a dna test and get the results back before he will even be recognized by the court as her father...during which time you would be under no obligation to allow him visit.

If he wants to play vicious games, he has it coming. :)

Answer 4

Tape recording your conversation without your knowledge was against the law. Tell him you will charge him with it if he continues to act like he can take your child. Also they have to prove you an unfit mother - this has nothing to do with anything that happened before the child was born. He cant take your child - he can pay child support and get visitation however.

Oh the person who said you could charge him with abandonment is wrong - cant do that until the baby is born either. Leaving you is not a crime and leaving the baby is only a crime if he leaves her with someone else.

Answer 5

DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND BELIEVE THAT THE COURT WILL NOT GIVE CUSTODY TO A FATHER over a perfectly loving, willing and fit mother!!!

There, that being said, you need to start working towards improving your image. First, don't deny visitation from him, but until there is a court order protecting your custodial rights to your child, don't let him leave your sight with her. He could take her and run and then be awarded custody on the fact that she's in his care and short of kidnapping her back, there's nothing you can do. The police won't intervene when he's not violating a court order becasue until it's in place there is nothing that limits his rights to his child.

Document EVERYTHING. Keep a log, text messages, interactions, conversations, EVERYTHING. You never know what will be allowed in court as evidence. But if he's already threating to take your child, that may be constituted as emotional abuse (if you have a good lawyer). If he cheated on you and you have proof, it might not matter, it depends on how the judge views the situation.

Do whatever it takes to get stable. You said you had a job, which is good. Be sure that you have a stable home for your child. Something you maintain by yourself is highly desirable, rather than living crashing on a friends couch or something of that manner. Be prepared for them to get married to appear to have a more stable home life. Don't have a live in boyfriend, as the courts frown on this.

Start looking for lawyers now. You said that he has assault charges against him. You may be able to use that to your advantage. Has he ever made you feel threatened, or afraid that he may harm you? If so, contact legal aide and they might help you establish a custody arrangement if you can't afford a lawyer. (in my area they were only taking cases that involved violence because of a budget cut at that time) If he has ever made you feel physically threatend you can use his assault charges to back up your claims, since i'm assuming he's never actually hit you, or you proabably would have mentioned it.

Be VERY careful. I know you're emotional and everything seems to be barreling down on you, but you need more than ever to compose yourself and keep your emotions intact. Anything and everything that you say to him may be used against you, so don't give them anything to use....no matter how antagonizing he is. If he's going to try to take your baby away, he is the enemy, and the best weapon in your arsenal is kindness. This will paint you to be a mature, responsible adult in the courts eyes and will go a long way with the judge's decision.

Never lie in court, but expect him to. I think i've already said it once, but get to looking for a lawyer NOW. You don't want to wait to put one on retainer until after he's already had you served with papers. Jump on it and serve him first if you can....and DON'T make it all about getting child support. That's not even remotely as important as you retaining your custodial rights. Don't discuss the case with him. Don't threaten to take him for so much support it'll make his head spin. Don't threaten to keep the child from him. In fact...don't make threats. Let him make threats, and you document it.

One other thing. Do me a favor and visit www.nancm.org. They have a support forum there for mothers who have lost custody, but they'll be more than happy to offer you the emotional support you need while you fight to keep your custody.

Answer 6

trust me, ive dealt with a crazy ex too... anywayswow hun, i am so sorry to hear that he is such a jerk.
i would def. go and get a lawyer and tell them everything that you just told on here... thats the best thing you can do. but i doubt he can win a custody battle from you calling/texting him and his current gf. the system doesnt work that way.
what the courts usually look at, is who is the more stable, suitable parent (mostly, not all the time though, goes in favor to the mother... ) if you have a great job, financially can support the child, suitable home and environemnt... plus you did everything urself through the pregnancy... your chances are really really good... but def go and get a LAWYER...
play it safe girl... and its always nice to get dirt on him...
lol
hope everything works out, good luck to you :-)

Answer 7

you will not lose your child over what you did. men are so stupid when it comes to things like this. they dont take a child from the mother except if the child is being harmed, abused or neglected. or if you are like a crackhead or something. since you arent married to him, you dont even have to put his name on the birth certificate. just put father unknown and if he wants any rights or joint custody, he will have to get a lawyer and go thru a lengthy, expensive process to prove hes dad.

Answer 8

i highly doubt you will lose custody to that jerk. first of all how will it look to the court when they see he left his pregnant girlfriend for another woman. also you are not an unfit mother and the court will realize that. at best he might get visitation rights.