Am I wrong for feeling this way about my husband?

Question

I have posted before, thank everyone for their answers.Since I last posted, I have gone to my first counseling session, and I really am troubled. My counselor asked me if I had had any suicidal thoughts which thank god, I haven't, but then he asked me if i had any about my husband, and the answer was yes. My husband says he doesn't know why I am upset with him and why I can't make love to him anymore.I can't stand for him to even sit next to me!!! I do not like confrontations so I haven't actually confronted him about his on-going affair.I have checked his cell phone and text messages and he is still talking to the OW. I asked him who's number it was and he lied to my face and told me it was his cousins. My counselor says I should leave,does anybody have any advice that they think might help. Do i tell him I am leaving or just up and go? He has maxed out our credit so that hopefully I can't leave. I just can't take staying anymore, home doesn't feel like home anymore. Any advice???

I have two small children ages 4 & 7.I had to have their cat put down and he made a joke about it, right in front of them. They were so upset and he didn't even care. Also, he bought me a new wedding set a couple of months ago, I went to get it out the other day and the set was gone. I asked him about it and he just blew me off, I think he may have given it to the OW. Some of my friends have even called me because they have seen him out in the town where she is staying for no reason. I hate being made to look like a fool.

Answer 1

I would leave. You and your children will survive. You have to believe that. This current situation is bad bad bad. Trust yourself that you will be okay and you will, money is no object, if you have to, file bankruptcy and start your life over, it's not the end of the world and it won't kill you. Good luck

Answer 2

Your attitude in not confronting marital problems is maybe the reason you and your husband have lost touch with one another. In his view, you and him do not connect and this makes any bond between two people to disintegrate. It appears you both have deep anger and resentment towards one another. It will take much work to get to make you and him come close and connected again, but it can be done. The therapist you are seeing now does not sound to be very helpful, of course I am only going by what you wrote regarding your situation, you might want to find another one. But if you feel your troubles are beyond fixing then you need to begin a plan to be able to move on. Contact caring friends and family for love and support during this time. Check out any financial resources in your area that can also assist you. I am sorry for all the painful difficulties you are obviously going through and do hope for better days for you and your children.

Answer 3

Leave, Get a plan, stick to it and leave. Give no warning, just go. If you don't have a job, get one. Even if itas part itme for now. Start putting money away. And when he least expects it, GO!
You may be affraid now, but believe me. You'll be amazed how freeing and how much more productive you will become without his crap hanging over you, you will become. I had 4 children when I left my ex. It was hard, don't get me wrong. But i was free and happy and my house was a home again. Free to flow with love,my children and I. Now I'm in another screwed up situation,I will remedy the situation in whatever way i feel appropriate. But there is strength inside of you that hasn't been tapped into yet. Tap!!

Answer 4

My reason for leaving my husband was my daughter. I did not want her to grow up thinking it was OK to stay in a relationship where I was mentally abused. I want her to witness a loving relationship between a man and a wife. I want her to realize that if her mommy got a divorce because she was unahppy, it would be OK for her to do that as well. I wanted to be a strong role model for her, and I couldnt do that when I was constantly being put down and depressed all of the time. Now, I did make a very strong effort for several years but it didn't work out. You should also leave because you need to allow yourself more self worth than that. Dont let anyone treat you that way in a relationship. Good luck!

Answer 5

Look for a place to live and make arrangements and leave along with a note to him. If he is verbally abusive then in anger he could become physically abusive if you tell him. This is not a good situation for your child because they are also suffering this mental abuse. They are witnessing their dad's lack of respect for the marriage along with his abuse and will turn into the abuser one day if you allow this to continue. Don't worry about the debt that has been acquired. You're sanity and self-respect is much more important. Bankruptcy isn't the end of the world and many times lenders take into account the reason that you had to file. Be sure to go ahead and start divorce proceedings before he can talk you out of it.

Answer 6

How unhappy do you want to be? How much is enough? Are you tired of being sick and tired? Is this a batte that you want to keep fighting? Is is a battle worth fighting? Is the pain not strong enough yet? When will you reach your bottom? WHen is giving all-- gave out? Why should you settle?

Q's to ask yourself. Happiness begins within. Anything external does not last and is unfulfilling in the long run. Your peace of mind is extremely important. Your self-esteem, your WORTH, equally as important. You can't get "better" until you have "closure" with this situation. You have to take responsibilty for yourself. You can only "own" your feelings. You can't make a person, you can't change a person--other than you.

Who's going to love the kids like you? Who's going to teach them like you? Who's going to protect them like you do? That's why taking care of yourself emotionally and spiritually is so important. Without you, the kids can't survive.

Support? You are so much stronger than you know. Within you is the strength to move mountains. There are several resources in regards to finances for you. The court will arrange child support. Meantime, you can get a job--perhaps working from home. PT? YOU'LL BE JUST FINE..All you need is some space to breathe. Sheet, I been there, damn...

And yes. let him know that you are o u t! Done. If this is the way he wants it to be, don't contiue settling for his BS! If he wants her, then you go with your head and pride high in the air. You go as a lady. You go with hope and wiskfullness. You go in faith...

Answer 7

Then leave look in the phone book there is a place called health and social services go there they can help and give you refferals on places to stay wioth you and your kids go to the court hous file divorce the reason infedelity take pictures of everything you have seen and tell you friends to witness his doing and watch him take pictures if you can. Take him to court and have him pay you child support he is looking you like a food becuase to him that is what you are is a fool you are not going anywhere and this is not good for you or your kids get out and fast if you do not have a job find one and take him for every sent his is worth that bastard.

Answer 8

Please leave!!!!!! I feel sorry for your kids. You don't want this to be an ongoing memory of their Mother and Father. They seem young now and you may think, they will get over it, but you are all they have. And believe it or not, you are painting their picture of how women and men should treat each other. You need to set an example for your children. Be someone they can be proud of. Not someone they have to worry about.
I would get as far away from your husband as the law allows. It sounds like he knows he is taking advantage of you and he is proud of it. Just because you have a heart and he doesn't, does not give him right to stomp all over you. Leave him and start over and turn it over to God. God will give you the strength to get through this. You have to put your faith in Him, that this will all get better. Are your children living proof that God has blessed you. Suicide is the worst thing you can think about. I am glad you are doing better with that. But you have to focus on YOUR KIDS. Not your husband. Let him go. Please take care of yourself and your babies. No man is worth the stress he is putting your through.

Answer 9

Wow, honey - you are in a really bad spot. Before you do anything make sure you have a solid support group around you. Because your mental state must be one of constant confusion and pain, any decision you make is going to be very difficult. Let an attorney guide you a little - one will usually see you free one time. You really know what to do - the present situation isn't fair to you or your children - nor is it healthy. Here for you!

Answer 10

I think you should follow the advice of your counselor and leave. You may be able to get out of the credit card charges if you get a good lawyer. Don't let him make a fool of you any more.