Unloved and unwanted?

Question

I feel like my partner has completely gone off of me and I don't know what to do about it anymore. I used to get phone calls/emails/messages all the time when he was working telling me how much he loved me, now it's only if he wants me to do something for him. We have an 8 week old daughter, we've had sex once since she was born and before that it was when I was 7.5 months pregnant (his choice not mine) - yet he talks about sex all tthe time, comments on women he'd like to sleep etc with but just isn't interested in me. It's been like this pretty much since I became pregnant. I didn't put on much weight when I was pregnant, and I'm now slimmer than I was before, I make an effort to look nice for him (which isn't reciprocated) and I try to initiate sex but he isn't interested. if he's interested in checking out women in real-life and on tv, what's so wrong with me? Other men find me attractive, but the one I want to doesn't :o( Have tried talking, but he just dismisses it

As for staying with me just because of baby - he proposed to me just before i got pregnant, so i don't see what could've changed...?

I don't really think anyone else is involved. I trust him (and I'm not being an idiot! - if he was doing anything like that I'd have found out about it by now). When I say he's not interested, that's not strictly true...well, he appears to not be interested in his behaviour and the way he speaks to me. But on the rare occasion that we do kiss properly, he is clearly aroused, just won't take it any further

Answer 1

there are some complicated feelings going in in your partner. The arrival of children disturbs what has been before.The dynamics change. Men can feel (bizarrely) that you're somehow different, they can feel very left out of the family too since Mums are often very involved with their new babies. He may not even know what's wrong. He's obviously still a sexual being but he's re-directing his desires (pointing out other women etc.) I think he may feel you're out of bounds despite your invitations. I doubt it's you that's the problem - other men are interested - a sure sign that you're attractive. Do you think you could leave him to it for a while - a month or so? See what happens? It's a difficult thing to do when you want him sexually (I know!). Do you think he's not being fulfilled in other ways in the relationship? Is he involved with your new baby? Does he have an interest in her? If he doesn't either, then something needs to be done. You don't want this issue spreading on to his relationship with her. Not sure this is much help. I feel for you. If the approach you're trying isn't working, it's time to try something else. x

Answer 2

He doesn't respect you.
Any man that is married should not be talking about women that he thinks are hot or that he would like to sleep with. Where is the respect in the relationship because apparently it flew out of the window.
Maybe because of this child, he feels neglected. Usually a husband will feel somewhat unwanted when a baby is first born because it gets all of the attention. Or, he could find you physically unattractive due to you being post-pregnant. I'm not saying that's right because it's not.. none of us look perfect after pregnancy, men have to accept that.
My suggestion for you is marriage counseling. The two of you need professional help, a therapist, that can discuss things going on between you and help the two of you work on things together in order to save the marriage.
If your husband doesn't want to do marriage counseling, threaten him that its either that or a divorce. I'm sure he'll go for it then.

Answer 3

It sounds as if he now See's you as a Mother of a child and not as an attractive woman. Talk to him why he finds others more attractive than you, that will give you the answer. Some men are like this and take this attitude. If other men find you attractive then try to make him jealous by saying something like. " If you don't find me attractive there are plenty who do.

Answer 4

It's a shame when once a child is in the equation the honey moon over best have a heart to heart as there are grave issues in your marriage> Sorry you both need to get counseling for your problem>Good luck>

Answer 5

Alwayas rember just because you have kids with a man you don't have to be together to raise your child. Sounds to me like he is not interested in you any more. I suggest you try sitting him down one more timea nd tell him how you feel. If you get no response like he wants to work on the relationship then you need to find someone else. Good luck with your issue!

Answer 6

Do some investigating. A healthy sexual man cannot go very long without sex. It sounds like there could be a third party in the equation.

Answer 7

"yet he talks about sex all tthe time, comments on women he'd like to sleep etc with but just isn't interested in me"


I can't even begin to comment on this......I would SO be over this guy.

I feel terrible you are actually saddled with his baby.

He is an immature azzhole....sorry, no better way to word it.

Answer 8

sound like its more him than you!!! sorry lady I wish things was better for you. my suggestion to you its to focus on yourself (mental) and your newborn daughter. You should ask him why he don't find you attractive any more and he rather sleep with other women? If other men find you attractive, then is not you, believe me is not. he is just plain immature jerk! if he stop loving you because you had his child, he got real issues.

Answer 9

Don't let your life ruin by that cruel man.He's just thinking about sex but not responsibility.Go get on with your life and if you cross path with someone that really love you don't reject it.Give yourself a chance to be love and cherish and forget about that man.

Answer 10

Sounds like you answered your own question, time to move on. Sorry you're having trouble. Life is too short to waste on people who don't love us & everyone deserves love. Best of luck.