Is it ok for me to feel this way?

Question

I'm 14 and my boyfriends 17. He's not a virgin and I am, he's never pushed me into doing anything though and I know he wont. I just feel weird about him not being a virgin. Kind of scared I guess that I'm not going to do something right. Is this normal?

He knows I want to stay a virgin, I'm not going to have sex at 14 I think thats just dumb. He said he regrets doing it a little, he said he wished he could give his to someone he loved. He told me he doesn't want our relationship to be based off only physical things and it isnt.

Answer 1

Well, for one, he's a little old for you -- the difference between 14 and 17 can be pretty big as a teenager. It's good that he hasn't tried to pressure you into sex. I don't think you should feel weird about him not being a virgin -- what happened in his past has nothing to do with you. I'm not sure what you mean about being scared "I'm not going to do something right". Are you considering having sex and are afraid that he'll look down on you for being a virgin?

You're 14, not 24. You aren't SUPPOSED to be "experienced" or worldly. You are supposed to be a young woman learning her way. Don't worry about messing something up -- as long as you don't have sex, you don't have much to worry about.

EDIT: He sounds like a decent, pretty mature kid if he realizes that he messed up and is trying to have a relationship with you that doesn't include sex. Enjoy getting to know him and stop worrying about sex.

Answer 2

COMPLETELY normal! I think anytime anyone is with someone new even...regardless of age, there are some uncertainties of how it will be with that new person. That is just normal anxiety. People just have different styles, so to speak. Is there something you can do wrong? Not really? Maybe the real thing you are worried about is being compared to the other people and how "good" you are. Again, NORMAL.

That being said....I think I would be more worried about getting pregnant at 14. Sorry, don't mean to sound like a lecture, it's not. Just a big sister comment.

Answer 3

Boys that age like to "brag" about having had sex too. It could be false. I'm not saying it is, just that it could be.

Check the law. He or you or both could get in serious trouble. When he turns 18, most definitely.

Don't feel weird, it is what it is, you're young, very young. Don't sweat it. Don't do anything you aren't sure you are ready for.

As for doing things right, you're both young, and have no idea what you're doing. I know that sounds preachy, but when you're older you recognize that. I was 17 once (thankfully only once). I have a pre-teen daughter, I know this stuff is coming so it's important I have some answers. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

he is a little old for u, but maybe in the past he was pressured into doing it, and he regrets it. possibly, he doesn't want to have someone he cares about make the same choice.if he's going out with u, knowing ur a virgin, and u intend on staying that way, u should be fine. it's very normal to feel like that, but in the future u might want a boyfriend that's closer to u in age, and u'll feel closer, and more comfortable.if it helps, voice ur thoughts. knowing exactly what he feels will make YOU feel alot more comfortable around him, so u can have a better relationship.

Answer 5

It is totally OK to feel the way you do. Fear can be a really powerful motivator and I hope in your case it keeps you from having sex with bf for quite a while.
If you have never baked a pie before, how can you expect yourself do it well without direction? Talk to a trusted adult about what it is a woman "does" during sex that seems "right" I can tell you with certainty that having sex before you are emotionally and physically ready is WRONG. Please focus on your studies and work toward having FUN....sex is NOT fun at 14, I guarantee you.

Answer 6

Of course that is a normal feeling to have. But take some good advice and keep your virtue, you are still so young and you have a world of opportunity in front of you. Don't screw it up by having sex. Cause you know? It only takes one time to become pregnant, and that will change your life forever. If in time, he is still with you after you have graduated and grown up with the world some more, and your 18 then you can make that choice, but don't ruin your life to please him, or by subjecting yourself to something that just does'nt feel right.
He should respect your feelings and your body. If he doesn't then he wasn;t worth it to begin with. Never do anything that you don't want to do. Never make a decision based on what others want for you. Do what you want to do with your life. after all it is your life and your the one who has to live it, either with the rewards, or the consequences depending on the life decisions you make for yourself.

Answer 7

Yes. It is normal to be concerned, but not because you may do something wrong, but because your probably NOT ready for that kind of a step. If it doesn't "feel" right then best bet is to take your time and NOT do it. Just relax and take your time. Your only 14-there is plenty of time to do the more serious acts in a relationship! Just be young and enjoy eachothers company!

Answer 8

You are too damn young to be thinking about sex.. 14 yrs old and you are already kicking those thoughts around? Don't screw up your life.. Virginity is a precious thing. Don't throw it away because you think you have some kind of mature wisdom at 14.. You just don't..

Answer 9

It's hard being a virgin and dating someone that isn't. You feel like, you are not as experienced and wonder if your boyfriend/girlfriend are missing anything cause your not putting out. Know that... being pure is a good thing. It's hard. Especially now-a-days. But... hang in there. It is perfectly normal to feel the way that you feel.

Answer 10

Normal feeling, but 14 is not a good age to start having sex, and quite frankly, you shouldn't be with a 17 year old, either. Good to hear he's not pressuring you into anything...wait a few years, at least.