My husband had an affair, We are dealing with it, but how to get rid of the otherWoman??

Question

My husband had an affair, I have a ton of evidence, confronted him, he confessed.. We are trying to work on it.
But the OW who I have demanded all contact be cut between the two , will not stop... She knows I check the cell phone records so she has stopped calling and texting, BUT she also knows his work schedule so she just calls him all day at the base, He unfortunately knows this upsets me so he trys to cover it and lie about it.. Not good for him...
She also leaves little messages on her myspace page meant for me, her moods like loved, hopeful, etc.. and quotes that change daily for me to read, VERY annoying, he no longer has a myspace account as that is where they would contact each other so it had to go.
My husbnad has been diagnosed with cancer, and the OW wants to help him out through this hard time, as they have been friends for years, she thinks I need to let the affair go and let them have contact... UM NOOOO..
So anyone been in this situation? how to get her to STOP!!!

Answer 1

You ever here the Amy Fisher story?

Answer 2

I agree with the whole restraining order thing. You know, the "other woman" can get in trouble for having an affair with a married man, I seen it on Oprah where a woman sued the "other woman" and actually won the case; so I'm sure you could get a restraining order for your husband if he was willing to comply with that due to the circumstances.
If he loves you he will accept that.
And, she should respect that the affair is over and because she had an affair with your husband, you don't want them to have a friendship. That is perfectly understandable due to the things they did behind your back. She's nothing but a home wrecker. I'd also report her to your husbands job as harrasing him at work. Since when is it OK to be on the phone all day talking nonsense at work anyway.

Answer 3

I understand that your husband cheated and that you are trying to move past it, but I don't quite understand why its your personal mission to deal with cutting the ties between him and "her". Its his job to do that, not yours. You say that she makes comments on her myspace page that are directed towards you? The truth is you don't know what your husband told this women, and therein is half the problem. The other problem is that they have been friends for years, so its not just a sex thing. My other question is, are you going to spend the rest of your marriage, especially with your husband being ill, treating him like a child because he cheated? The whole checking the phone and all that is cra*. You need to either decide that you have forgiven him and truly move on, or decide that you are not going to forgive him and ask him to leave. I do not think that cheating is right, but your controlling attitude may be the reason he cheated in the first place.

Answer 4

He's the one who should have her stop. I think You should leave your husband. I know you'll feel bad leaving him during this hard time for him. but he obviously didn care about your feeling when he went ahead and cheated on you. As far as the girl, she sounds jealous beacause you do have the better advantage of staying with him (because your his wife).
If not you can always give him the choice on what it is he wants to do. If he desides to not see her anymore he has to be well aware that you will be on top of him like a hawk! its hard to trust someone again after they've cheated on you, so he HAS to understand. If he doesnt then he's just an asshole and you deserve better, regardless you do deserve bettter.

Good luck with all this, and I do hope things get better for you.

Answer 5

The only person who can stop it is him, not you. It sounds like you're trying to deal with the situation and he's just letting you skirt on by thinking everything is good. I don't want to screw up your marriage here, but you need to sit him down and ask what he wants to do about this. If she's still calling him at work than he needs to call her and tell her that he no longer wants to see her because he wants to save his marriage.

Nowhere do I see where he has cut off contact. They don't use the cell phone because you'll catch them, and she's calling him at work and he's lying to you about it. If he's still lying to you than he's not trying to make things work with your marriage at all. He's trying to keep the best of both worlds and hope that you will cool down.

Sit him down and have a really long talk, not a fight, but a talk. Discuss what needs to be done to fix your marriage. Him having cancer makes this even harder, but you should not be stuck in a marriage where you want to fix what he did wrong, but he doesn't. A marriage can only be fixed if both partners are ready to fix it.

Answer 6

It is simple... Your husband and you need to go to the police and get a court order! Yes, she is harassing your husband and you and so that means she can be restricted from doing so! Yes, he was as much at fault as she, but he says no, now, and men have that right, too! This will give that lady the message that he no longer wants any communication from her... and it will give you more peace on his intentions! He can also have another at the office answer with specific instructions for no calls from her! That is in addition to going to the police for harassment! DO IT SO U ARE DONE WITH THIS WOMAN! God bless. Earl

Answer 7

Hunny, you need quit giving her the power, first let her know if she continues, you can contact the Commanding Officer and all of her calls will stop and your husband can go to jail, Second quit looking on her my space page, she is tauting you and you are letting her. You might want to tell her that she should have been just his friend and not have slept with him, so too bad. Good Luck

Answer 8

I been there girl, and it is not easy..Being the woman you are you have been through hell! BUT it made you stronger and more beautiful.

What I did was literally get in her grill and let her know that under no circumstances was she going to continue her relationship with my man and that any future communication via his job, cell, text, whatever was seriously out of order! I basically scared the bejesus out of her--verbally.

Then the broad started showing up at his job for lunch, after work, places he'd be with co-workers. I found out--girl I took a random day off work and "caught" her azz and confronted her again! In each case, I never raised my voice, never cursed, never came out of my skin, just was very straight-up, and I looked her right in the eye..One time we were out to dinner and he told me that she was there. I was like either you handle it or I will, he did..

I share this with you bc you are strong like me, beautiful like me, and like hundreds of women like us--we can get deal with the ex..I'd invite you also to let her know that your man is not her man. The fact that she "slept" with you man makes her less of a woman. She may be unaware that she is a homewrecker, disrespectful, self-absorbed, self-centered, little tart, so you may need to remind her!

Kindess is not weakness. Neither is sterness. You can let a person know just how you feel and still feel good about yourself, you know?

My sister, you be encouraged. You are going to be just fine. I promise. Stay strong and you are doing the right things, god bless....

Answer 9

Tell his command. Yeah, it'll screw up his career, but he should've thought of that before he started entertaining another party behind your back. The fact that he is NOT owning up to her phone calls at his work and not putting his foot down with her is proof that he simply isn't trying hard enough.

She wouldn't be doing this if she thought she had a snowball's chance in H*ll of getting him back. Somehow, he's encouraging her. Also, the fact that she has his work phone number is somewhat alarming, considering he's in the service. Every minute he spends on the phone with her is a breach of his contract. Talk to his command; I guarantee you, he'll choose his career over his thang any day.

Answer 10

Your husband sounds like he didn`t break up with her yet.
Now he has cancer and if he passes away you get any life insurance.
She wants to help him through this hard time and thinks you should let her.
Your husband is letting you fight for him instead of asking for your forgiveness. He doesn`t sound like he really cares if you both break up. So tell him to leave. Really,
I think you should seperate, but don`t divorce him. He needs to see that you are strong and can live without him.

Answer 11

first I don't see how you can put up with it.just tell you husband if he want this marriage to work he has to stop talk to this women.if he does not you need to just leave him and see what would happen if you do.Because if he loves you he would just stop talking to her.it makes me think he don't love you as he should.I had a ex girlfriend that we where still Friends but she did or said things that my wife didn't like my wife told me it was her or me. I love my wife more then anything in this world so I stoped talking to to that friend and me and my wife have been married for 15 yrs now i would not change a thing about it.so i think you need to tell him it me or her and see what he says