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we have only been married a yr (lived together for 2 yrs before getting married) i have never denied him sex, in the begining we had sex 3 x's a day, i give him oral sex and i have masturbated him myself. lately though we dont have sex unless i initiate it. i have been finding towels and things that he is masturbating in and then he hides them - i confronted him and told him i dont care that he is masturbating but to please put the dirty towels in to be washed instead of hiding them in with clean clothes or under the bed etc. i also told him he can have sex whenever he wants it and his reply was that i dont want sex - i told him i do but that i would like for him to initiate it once in a while - im tired of kissing his *** for sex - i dont think i should be the one to initiate all the time. i know hes not cheating and he doesnt look at porn in magazines - a few times we have watched porn on tv but it doesnt seem to arouse him. what is going on? is it him or am i just being paranoid?

2007-11-08 03:04:44 · 15 answers · asked by anitaeric2004 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

i have tried everything - i have let him put it in my ***, which i enjoy, but i dont think he does - he doesnt like sex toys and he will only have sex if i initiate it - i want him to take control once in a while - it used to not be this way - i have tried talking to him with no resolution. hes not into porn or anything like that.

2007-11-08 03:19:55 · update #1

i have cut my hair - but he wanted me too - i had really long hair (down to my butt and got it cut to my shoulders) he would still like me to cut it shorter. i dont nag him about masturbating - i just dont like the fact that he is putting the dirty towels in with the clean clothes to try and hide it! i have even offered to let him masturbate on me - i think that would be awesome. i have actually lost 15 lbs because i thought maybe that was a problem - what else can i do for him?

2007-11-08 03:27:15 · update #2

15 answers

Why is everyone on here is accusing YOU of doing something wrong, or not doing enough? You obviously don't care if he masturbates, you said that. THE REAL ISSUE is him not initiating sex. Think about it: If he masturbated three times a day, but at the end of the day was still all over you and jumping your bones, there wouldn't be a problem here would there? No, didn't think so. So what you really need to do is work on a plan to get him to initiate it. You said you've already talked to him about it which is good. Now you have to play the witholding game (and you can masturbate in the meantime too!) until he realizes somethings wrong. Believe me, if he's real man, his hand is no subsitute for us lovely ladies. He'll get sick of it eventually and want something from you, but don't give in until he initiates!

2007-11-08 04:21:21 · answer #1 · answered by Alaina's Mumma! 3 · 0 1

You are probably being paranoid. Men masturbate simply because our arms are long enough and we can. That is all there is to it. It is not a signal of anything significant in a relationship for the most part. It is just easier. In your situation, I would guess that he is doing it simply by being lazy. It is taking too much out of him to initiate and have sex, so he flogs the dolphin instead. Just keep talking to him about it and let him know how this is making you feel. Eventually you will find what the true answer is. Good luck.

2007-11-08 11:20:06 · answer #2 · answered by No one 4 · 0 0

The "newness" of you is apparently over. You have a choice: keep initiating things or ignore his new habit.

You do have a bit of a 'tude, tho. You're tired of kissing his as*. Did you think marriage was gonna be easy? Plus we're hearing only your side of the story. Have you cut your hair? Put on a few pounds? You young women--especially those in this group--are quick to blame the man, to be the victim.

Think about changing your behavior or accept your new life.

Edit:
I see your edits. Okay, okay, I was harsh. Wow, if you've done what you say you've done, then there ain't much left. I was on his side, till you dropped the 15 pounds. Maybe buy some porn and watch it with him? Are you 100% sure he's not cheating? Have you two sought professional help? I'd give this a few more months, till your patience runs out.

2007-11-08 11:19:02 · answer #3 · answered by Level 7 is Best 7 · 1 1

Ok, here's the thing. He just wants a quick release. He doesn't want to have to worry about pleasing you. He just wants to nut and be done with it. The fact that you always have to initiate tells me that you are not giving enough during sex. You are probably taking to much during sex and it has become a chore for him. He has begun to think of sex as purely a pleasureable thing for you. He probably gets off during sex, but only after he has done everything you want and fufilled all his "duties". Try making it something entirely for him, do whatever he wants, be completely unselfish. Get him off and then stop. Relieve yourself later. It has to be fun for him again.

Edit: After reading your additions, I'm more sure of it than before. It's not fun for him. He has to try to please you, and it's a chore to live up to an adventurous woman such as yourself. Make it easy on him and and be extremely giving and tuned in to what he likes. Just blow him instead of making him have sex. The more you give the more he'll come around to his old self. If he doesn't maybe he's gay?

Edit again: When you say what else can you do? You have to tone it down a notch. Make it less of a production. If you want to fix this you have to start slowly with a blow or quickies and work your way back into the good stuff.

2007-11-08 11:25:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

Wow, wish my wife was like you.

neither of us would ever be un pleased!

maybe he has some urges for "other things" that the female doesn't have....

If he's not turned on or want se from you (a woman) he may want it from a guy...
but don't take what I say to heart, I could be way off! Perhaps he doesn't feel satisfied being with you and feels better when he does it to himself. You need to have a serious talk with the dude. Don't go into the conversation angry or confrontational, becasue then you won't get any answers or clues to what's really going on. Act concerned.

Or maybe you are just being paranoid....

2007-11-08 11:10:33 · answer #5 · answered by Sean C 5 · 2 0

All men will masterbate whether they have sex or not, its just a quick way of relieving themselves without having to do some big sex thing with the wife. Now the fact he doesn't initiate is odd. Give him a break and he might come initiating with you...Men don't like pressure from a woman, in ANY area. I know its frusterating though.

2007-11-08 11:12:37 · answer #6 · answered by Brittney 6 · 0 0

How in the world are you woman married!!!! I don't not understand these guys marrying these girls who would nag them about masturbating! Its a natural way to release build up! You don't have to take the time for anyone else or anything, you can just do what you want to do, orgasm and go on about your day.
You ladies out there nagging your guy about porn and masturbation, wandering why your guy does that instead of F*ing you? YOU'RE NAGGING AND BITCHING TOO MUCH SO HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU!!!! Get over yourselves and realize its a natural thing that many, many people do it. Learn to please yourself and you won't be so worried about what he is or isn't doing.

2007-11-08 11:13:47 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 2 0

He has a high sex drive and sounds like he is not comfortable initiating it so you just need to accept that is how he is and work on that with him but until then do it. He could possibly be getting more pleasure from masterbating then having sex with you. Maybe you need to work on some things to try to make it better

2007-11-08 11:15:30 · answer #8 · answered by harleychickfatboy 3 · 0 1

interesting. maybe he is on a porn kick, or is mad at you for something recently. so talk to him. all guys will masturbate with or without sex. but 3 times a day or you giving it up all the time would make me not want to masturbate BUT try something new or give sex a break and maybe he would want it more.

2007-11-08 11:09:42 · answer #9 · answered by Hello2u 4 · 1 0

This guy sounds very horney! A bit to much if ya ask me? Being that you are married do make sure that you are making love and not having just raw sex, as this can ruin a marriage, because as time goes by you will grow to resent his sexual hunger and see yourself as nothing more then a human blow up doll who is their only for pleasing this man, you are a woman who deserves respect and love, so dont get to the point where you are merely a sex toy for your husband, this does happen alot, so you must know where to draw the line.

2007-11-08 11:11:43 · answer #10 · answered by penelope 5 · 0 3

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