My dear, loved friend died a couple of weeks ago after a long battle with cancer (one which she was winning until the very end). Naturally, her husband is devasted, as we all are. But they were truly two sides of the same coin. Is ther ANYthing I can do to help? I had to return to my out of state home after the funeral, but am wanting to deal with my sadness by helping him. He has loads of support in state but is so lost. ANY ideas? I am racking my brain, here but to no avail. Knowing his wife as I did, I know she'd want my husband and myself to do all we can to help.
2007-11-08 02:53:39 · 6 answers · asked by Dalice Nelson 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Thanks letter-that's a great idea-if anyone can recommend a good book, please do. I thought of inviting him here, but her surgeon and specialist were out this way and they'd stay with us frequently and I feel like this may not be the best place for him to think of good memories. Thanks for your reply.
2007-11-08 03:02:59 · update #1
Phone him regularly as he may not call you. Let him have the time to talk, and no matter how much he repeats himself still listen. Talk about your friend and listen to how he feels without telling him that he shouldn't feel that way. Share the good memories of your friend with him. Time and a listening ear are the best gifts you can give. Don't forget that you are mourning too, so allow yourself to. Best wishes
2007-11-08 04:46:27 · answer #1 · answered by Yoda 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I am so sorry for your loss.
I must say that all of the recommendations on here are wonderful. I think having meals prepared would be very helpful like one person suggested (a service that can deliver since you are out of state).
But the most important thing, as most on here have noted, is to stay in touch especially as the weeks go by and the calls and visitors stop. He'll need someone to talk to. The loneliness gets worse when it seems that everyone has forgotten or is afraid to mention his loss after a month or two.
I always have a hard time with this. I feel so awkward. But hopefully you are more graceful than me, because this is probably the loveliest thing you can do for him. Let him know that he can call you day or night just to get a load off his mind, but then call him without fail every week to check on him and see how he's doing.
2007-11-08 06:29:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dalice Nelson, I don't know, maybe memory's of good times could be the cure, or it could possibly cause a break down.
It's times like these that really pull at your heart.
I know, my dear friend Gloria is going through the same thing.
Last night I cried myself to sleep, my husbands heart problem seem to be coming back.
Just put yourself in your friends shoes and try to think what will help him thru this.
I suggest that you talk with him daily, maybe even two or three times a day.
You may want to extend that invitation for him to come and stay with you and your husband. If you friend feels that it would be overwhelming, then let it ride.
Losing your partner in life is an absolutely critical life altering change.
My thoughts are with you as you try and steer your good friend through the toughest time in his life
2007-11-08 03:28:23 · answer #3 · answered by Cheryl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep in touch without being pushy. Everyone grieves in their own way, at their own pace. Drop him an email every so often to let him know you are thinking about him and how much you too miss his wife.
He will really need someone in a few months, after everyone else in his life has gone on with theirs....then is sinks in.
Also, encourage him to talk about his wife. So often, people avoid talking about the loved one who dies, but WE NEED to be able to talk about them...so let him talk.
Maybe invite him to come to your home and you and your hubbie can give him a break from his surroundings that are a constant reminder of his loss, but wait a few months to do that.
2007-11-08 03:01:47 · answer #4 · answered by katalah 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, he might need some good cooking - how about hiring a catering service for him once a week for a while, or maybe have food delivered. God, I'm so bad at the whole support system thing; I wish I could be of better help to you.
2007-11-08 04:31:49 · answer #5 · answered by Who's sarcastic? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might find him a book about coping with grief and loss... Barnes & Noble has quite a selection of very good books, and is a store i highly recommend.
This is very sad... you could also invite your friend to come and visit you for a change of pace, whenever he'd like to get away.
take good care, and im sorry for the loss of your good friend
2007-11-08 02:58:24 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋