How do I go about thanksgiving with his ex girlfriend/baby mama?

Question

Thanksgiving is coming up soon and my husband and I currently live with his mother for the moment because he recently got laid off and we had to give up our house. Well my mother in law adores all of her daughter in laws including his ex girlfriend/mother of first 2 kids who is not really or never has been her daughter in law since they were never married. Anyway I know she is not going to leave her out when inviting guests for Thanksgiving dinner. After the kids have spent the morning with their mom at home, is it okay to take the kids and go to my family's house instead when they come to my mother in laws? I mean this is me and my husbands first thanksgiving as a married couple and I would liove to share it with his children just not her. Already i have to suck it up for Christmas. What do you guys think?

Answer 1

His mom needs to get a clue if she had any respect for you at all she wouldn't do this, you and your husband need to get out of there as long as you live with his mom you're going to have to put up with this bullcrap take the kids and go to your family's house I'm glad my mother inlaw was never that much of a *****..

Answer 2

Unfortunately, since she's the mother of two of his kids this will be an ongoing situation. You will look like the immature one if you just leave and go somewhere else, and it'll open up for problems between you and the in-laws, and your husband eventually.

I'd say just be the bigger person this Thanksgiving. Then next year, maybe work out where you, your husband and the kids go, without her, to YOUR family's house for Thanksgiving. Alternate, so you get time with the entire family, and not her, at least once every other holiday.

Answer 3

This is a very difficult situation, business there are other children involved. Getting away from the situation doesn't necessarily mean getting rid of the the problem. You will be considered the one who uprooted him from his kids. My advice to you is to sit down whole heartedly and explain this to your husband on how uncomfortable this makes you feel. Maybe you guys could move to another place in the same city without having to move away so far. The reason why I am a little hesitant about moving out of town is because the family has gone to extra lengths to involve his two other kids. I mean you have to think about the other kids too in the fact that he is their father. What if the shoe was on the other foot and your child had a bond with the father and he just up and left to another town? I am not blaming you for your feelings you have every right to feel this way but I don't think your being logical in dealing with the situation. You took on a responsibility when you married him. I know divorced couples who have children that have remarried that see each other at family gatherings and they put up with it for the sake of the kids. Far as your business traveling back to her that is no ones place to be telling her that. If push come to shove then you and hubby may need to talk to the mother of the other kids to lay down the law and what is going to be expected. His loyalities only lie with the kids and not with her. And my advice to you is to work on your insecurities as well. Even though you are the wife I feel you have a deep desire to to be in the place of this ex-girlfriend as far as the family is concerned. A place you may never fill and you have to come to grips with that, I know cuz I been there. I came behind what the in-laws called a terrific girl that my husband lost. They constantly threw things up in my face about this other girl. I decided that I would not let their accusations shake me and I eventually made my own way with them and in time. And that is exactly what it is going to take here is some time. So good luck and I hope things work out.

Answer 4

It seems like you already knew this would be happening before getting married so why is an issue now?? You can't expect to cut the mother of his children out of the picture when his family has a history with her before you..It's apart of accepting the whole package unfortunately... It's not like she's going to your home for Thanksgiving she's going to his mother's house which you really don't have any say in....I understand how you feel but, I'm sure this will be the first of many unexpected things you didn't really imagine happening...Try to be the bigger person and enjoy your first holiday with your husband....

Answer 5

I think you should ask your husband what he would like to do. Is he as uncomfortable as you are with it? You may find the sharing will bring you both closer. I'd say this isn't just about you. It would be dreammy if you could have just your small family unit but that doesn't seem to be the real world. I also think the ex may be uncomfortable with it too. Stand up and show everybody that you belong in the center of the family.

Answer 6

Wow, talk about a marriage on its way to self destruct! In order for you to avoid a divorce you first must look at the big picture, and stop being in denial, I mean, you are just all over the place, and if your mentally all over the place I cant imagine the mindset of these children, Im sure their confused and not living a life of security. So you need to learn where to draw the line, you are his wife, the ex is merely a woman with whom your husband got knocked up and had 2 kids out of wedlock, and thats sad, and this is what happens to kids from parents who are not responsible, and Im sorry to tell ya this but your new hubby doesnt appear to be responsible, and in time you will see this. Ok here,s my recomondation for you, stay out of this! This is not your deal, this is somthing your husband needs to deal with, its time for him to man-up and do the right thing! He needs to confront the ex and keep her where she belongs, in the past! He should be allowed to only have his children over for the holidays, not his ex? I mean come on, can he give ya a little respect? And as far as his mommy goes, you are her daughter in law, you are the one with whom she needs to adore and love, not his ex! In time you are gonna grow to resent the fact that she loves the mother of his children and the relationship, so in my book, your husbands mom needs to respect his sons marriage and drop the relationship with the ex before it causes damage to you. So the balls in your hubbys court, he needs to be the one making the rules, and I see nothing wrong with the kids going to your familys, as you are family! Like I said before, I dont think you see the big picture here? You are #1 now, you need to give yourself a little more credit, it almost appears that you are allowing the ex to run the show and fear stepping on her toes?

Answer 7

What do you have against her? She will always be a part ofhis life in some way, because of the children. If the mother in law considers her part of the family, that doesn't really have anything to do with you or how she feels about you. If you are jealous, then its your problem, it really isn't fair to expect them to humor your insecurities. I don't mean t sound mean, but really, unless you have a legitemate reason to dislike her, it isn't your home and it isn't your choice.
If it bothers you so bad, don't go. Is your pride more important than having peace? Will you make your husband choose between you and the rest of his family. Should he also miss dinner to shut you up and make you feel better? You should be strong and be freindly and go with your head up high and introduce yourself and pretend she isn't who she is.

Answer 8

I think you might be looking at this the wrong way. Your husband's ex is always going to be in his life and is always going to want to be around for events which involve the kids - her kids. She comes with the package.

Holidays can be very stressful because of all the things about managing getting to see all the relatives. See what your husband would like and do your level best to arrange something that everyone can live with. Or better yet, leave the arrangements to your husband and see what he comes up with - it will tell you a lot.

Answer 9

sounds like u are jealous. she mothered his children, they share love for those kids whether u like it or not. as long as she is nice to u, u should respect her and be kind to her as well. as long as she likes u, she wont have a problem with u being around her children. This man married u, not her. so stop being so jealous and be mature about the situation. as long as u are married to him, and they have children together, u two share the same family. try to have a conversation with her, maybe u two could become friends, u never know.
Dont try to make her disappear, it wont happen.

Answer 10

Sure, sounds good to me. Why should you have to spend your first Thanksgiving with you husbands ex-girlfriend there (not even ex-wife!). And if she doesn't want the kids to go to your parents house, just go with your husband and spend some time there with your family and husband. Everyone should at least understand that.