What do I do?

Question

I think my marriage might be over... I've only been married a month but last night out of the middle of no where my husband told me that he doesn't want me anymore and he wants me to pack and leave. His reason was that I "didn't love him" and he wasn't first in my life... because I was busy when he called me during work hours. I can't commit to a lifetime of never being busy, but I do love my husband and I show him that everyday. If I don't do the dishes soon enough he takes that as showing that I don't care about him and the new house we just bought... I don't know what to do? I don't want a divorce but last night he said some pretty unforgivable things that are just plain not true and this morning he left without saying a word. This is insane, I feel like I have no control over this, there is nothing I can do to make it better. This isn't the first time he's done this but the other times I always cried and begged... I didn't do it this time. But should I have to do that?

I'm scared to death, I don't want a divorce. I do love him (though now it's hard to trust him when he does this stuff) and I admit that we've pulled clean clothes out of the laundry basket rather than the closet, or I haven't kept up with the dishes a well as I should, but that's certainly no reason to tell your wife that she is "a joke" to you and you want her to pack her things and leave, you never want to see her again! I've NEVER cheated and never would, I even text and call him during the day to tell him I love him, what can I do???

OMG I just called him and he said "I don't have much to look forward to in life now. Lucky for you though, you have Photoshop" WTF??? I'm a work from home designer I bring in 60% of our income and he acts like its a stupid hobby.

Answer 1

It is difficult to analyze your problem without the full details. However what is clear is that you have been married for a short while and within that period that your husband has reacted irrationally on at least 2 occasions. Perhaps he is slightly psychotic, jealous or manic depressive or it maybe the case that he is taking a while to adjust to his status as a married man. Regardless of what the problem is, I think it is very important to lay down and then discuss the ground rules for your relationship with your husband. Let him know that his behavior is not acceptable and that as an adult you expect to be treated in a particular manner. Let him also know that there will be consequences if this behavior continues in the future. Monitor closely how he reacts to the new rules. His reaction to your new rules will give you a great insight into how your relationship will progress in the future. Hopefully, he will change. Reassess your position in a few months. Good luck..

Answer 2

A marriage is an ongoing process that has to be cared for by both partners. I have been married for 8 years and have been with my husband for nearly 16 years. With that being said...the first year of marriage is by far the MOST DIFFICULT. You don't realize how huge of a transition you will undergo until you take those vows. I do not think that your marriage is over...I do think that your husband is feeling neglected and is doing whatever he can to get your attention. I imagine that you also feel that there are some things on his end of the relationship that need to change. The thing to do is not to throw in the towel...you committed to him and your marriage for a life time and a month is just a drop in the bucket! You need to wait for him to cool down enough to be able hold a rational adult conversation and try to work through your problems. Part of seeing yourselves as a team is figuring out how to meet the other person's needs and learning how to communicate your needs effectively. You two need to talk (put your egos aside and say what you mean and mean what you say.) If you can't manage to do that on your own then you should think about sitting down with a counselor...sometimes a neutral third party can be a huge asset.
My husband and I have been through plenty of hard times...things got much better for us when we learned how to be each other's best friend.
Good luck!

Answer 3

Sweetie, this doesn't have anything to do with YOU. Your husband has control issues and he puts that on you. He is probably a very insecure, weak person inside so he needs to look strong and have control over every detail of his life outside so no one will figure out what a sad person he is. This is emotional ABUSE. You shouldn't have to be yelled at, demeaned, or belittled just because you didn't do the dishes in time or didn't put away the laundry. He is being emotionally abusive and that is not right. If anything, YOU have the right to tell HIM to leave! How dare he? He knew you weren't a perfect person when he married you. No one is perfect. His expectations are not in reality. He should love you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, not always telling you what you do wrong. You should suggest couples therapy.....because let me tell you....a therapist will spot his control issues RIGHT AWAY and get him straight.

Answer 4

Your husband sounds incredibly insecure and controlling...I think this request of his is honestly a blessing in disguise. He doen't want a wife/partner he wants a maid and a weak woman he can control because he is so insecure about himself. He wants you to call and cry and beg him to keep you because it makes him feel better about him...

I would go so far as to say your husband is emotionally abusive and extremely manipulative. Keeping the household running smoothly should be a two person job. My husband and I work equally (and together) to make sure our home is clean and well cared for. Lately he's actually had to do more than his share because I am 4 months pregnant and exhausted....and guess what, he does it all without complaining.

You need to realize this is not about you...this is about him! He needs help to deal with his emotional issues and you leaving might be just what he needs to get it together!

Answer 5

#1--you both work, therefore you BOTH should do house stuff. period. that's how we roll in my house.

#2-the first years of marriage can be the happiest and the roughest b/c there's so much to merge together as a couple.
for instance, i can't tell you how many times my husband and i have fought over the finances since we've been married! it wasn't until recently that we've started to get on the same page!! that's after 2 years of marriage.

#3-marriage takes TONS of communication. VERY often both people have to be able to step outside of their situation and look at the big picture. both have to give more than they get so everyone is giving and receiving.
it's hard. sounds like there's more there than just the dishes. talk to him...reallly get it al out in the open. you need toknow what's going and no matter what....no matter what happens...you will survive! you are strong and tough and you may love him, but you do't have to love how he treats you. you deserve someoe who will walk through this life WITH you...not in front of you expecting you to pick up the trash he leaves in his wake.

tkae care honey and start that communication. no groveling, no begging.....just push him and find out what's really going on.
sometimes we get so stressed that we forget to have fun with each other like we did when we were just dating.

talk to him honey...get tot he bottom of it all.

Answer 6

It appears as if your husband is becoming very controlling. I think the way to get him to hear you is to simply control your impulses and if this is what he wants, don't appear to be angry, hurt or sad, just tell him if this is what he wants, then so be it, it sounds like it's out of your control anyway. It seems as though he doesn't really love you anyway, if he would end a 1 month marriage, because you were too busy to talk to him or because the dishes aren't done, then, I'm sorry but he's a loser. Try talking to him and telling him how you feel. NO TEARS, be strong and Good luck!!

Answer 7

Wow okay I understand what you are telling me at least for myself I am the type of person that truly believes that if you got married then you stay married and if you do not want to get a divorce then what you have to do is just sit him down and say look i got married with you in good and bad and we are going through something bad right now and i want to fix it if possible then you let him decide if he wants to fix it or not and if he loves you then he will ask you what is it so then you follow by telling him what is it that he wants form you so that he not both of you just him he will be happy he will tell you do not except stupidity just straight forward answers.

Answer 8

I'm so sorry for you. If it's possible, get your husband to a doctor as he may have some health problems. I guess the other thing is that some people are weird about marriage in that it changes them and their expectations from the relationship.

Your husband's behaviour is cruel and vicious and you are right to feel that he is not appreciating what you are doing. And NO - you should never have to beg, especially in your situation. Sadly, if he is not willing to do the work with you to save your marriage, the only thing you can do is get a lawyer.

Answer 9

Sounds as if your husband needs to grow up more. Also sound as if your a little lazy. Try doing a little more house work, if you don't work yourself. Due to the fact of your house work not being up to par, and you not working, I can see where he feels as if your doing something with your free time, besides him. Try pulling a bluff on him. Pack your clothes, and set them at the front door. When he comes home from work, tell him your leaving and your going the next day to see an attorney. Your leaving him with the house payments, the house work and all the bills. Your attorney will contact him to release you from any obligations. See if he doesn't change his attitude then.

Answer 10

Girl it's only been a month?, and he's treating you like that? Sorry but that's f*cked up.....You must have had problems before the marriage I'm guessing? Marriage doesn't fix anything. Now I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I'll tell you what I would do. No matter how much it hurts, I'd say see ya......sounds like he's got some serious issues and you can't fix him girl. Life's to short to be miserable and worry about what each days going to bring. I'd restart my life without him. Good Luck, Even though I don't know you, I'll be thinking about you..........