*****
Sandstorm,
From nowhere came,
Sun baked, wind blown, endless,
Quenchless thirsts at wells run dry,
Fatal.
Aqua,
Cool pond trickle,
Dancers on shimmering glass,
Spider glide away…the trout,
Hungry.
*****
2007-11-08 02:20:52 · 10 answers · asked by TD Euwaite? 6 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
This is not lolligagging. It's research. 3 pages done today. 6,000 words in the first draft. Tah Da!
2007-11-08 02:21:44 · update #1
Not done, but heading that way. A short novel is about 60,000 words, a long one 100,000 or more.
2007-11-08 03:21:34 · update #2
TD, I can disagree with everyone unlike the other answer. The image of the sandstorm if you have been in one is not just the dust, but a level of terror that can exist, being run down by military vehicles in your compound, getting spun around and lost on a 2 mile trek. And fatal it can be.
Aqua on the otherhand is the hunter and the hunted, to a back drop that brings peace to most.
In iraq, I took a photo of an oasis, a wonderful place, the air was a cool 115 degrees while just a few feet away it was a blistering 140 temperature with a thermal load of 180 to stand in the sun
both of these memories make both of these works very good
I chose both
2007-11-08 03:59:27 · answer #1 · answered by magnetic_azimuth 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You mean you are done with your first draft??? Well then you do deserve a bit of lollygagging, don't you? haha.
I must say that the first cinquain sounds better and more cogent than the latter. I personally enjoyed reading these two lines in particular: "Quenchless thirsts at wells run dry,/ Fatal." It sounds so real, so alive! :-)
---> 3 pages only??? Go and get your another 7 pages done lol
2007-11-08 11:16:31 · answer #2 · answered by Dark Dickinsonian 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Can I possibly disagree with everyone? (it is always a pleasure to disagree with everyone).
I prefer the first one, I think it has a better rhythm, read aloud. I especially like the line "Quenchless thirst at wells run dry", while I am not fully convinced by "Spider glide away...the trout / Hungry". I am not too sure how to read "...".
2007-11-08 10:50:17 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Annabella-VInylist 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aqua,
Cool pond trickle,
Dancers on shimmering glass,
Spider glide away…the trout,
Hungry.
By a landslide. Its much more meaningful and sublime.
2007-11-08 10:42:12 · answer #4 · answered by Werzel 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
first one <3
2007-11-08 11:56:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first one is wonderful. I like it better than the second. 'From nowhere came' describes the circumstance to a tee. It culminates in the eventuality. Definitely a keeper.
2007-11-08 11:33:25 · answer #6 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I prefer Aqua, TD, but a nice sandstorm will do in a pinch.
2007-11-08 10:28:39 · answer #7 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I like the sandstorm' but i really love the aqua .nice work.,.
2007-11-08 13:24:44 · answer #8 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aqua has the more interesting images. So, I am going with that one too.
2007-11-08 10:43:48 · answer #9 · answered by Todd 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am with Meryl on this one, TD, I like Aqua. Good job, my friend, good job.
2007-11-08 10:41:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋