Should I be mad?

Question

My husbands x-wife moved from Florida to our town in AZ this week. My husband and I have had their son for the last 4 months. My husband suggested that she live with us when she gets out here to help her out. Which really made me mad. Well, at the beginning of last month my husband went to jail and I have had their son since (plus our two kids). The x-wife got to our town on Tuesday and said she had some things in California to take care of and would be back on Friday. Their son is still with me. She got all of her things taken care of yesterday, but is still staying in CA until Friday. My husband is in jail in CA band visiting is on Fridays. She is staying so she can see him. So, while she stays and visits with my husband, I am watching their son. I haven't even gone to see my husband. Why is she going to see him w/out their son? Is there any reason? Should I be mad?

Just a side note, my husband got arrested because he went to CA to visit w/ family, went out got drunk w/ his old buddies, got a dui, and did not pull over for 4 minutes, so he got felony evasion. Basically, he did a totally dumb and out-of-character thing.

Answer 1

YES you should be furious. First at his dumb mistake. Second for his ex-wife. Third for being left to watch his kid alone.

Are you the only responsible adult in this triangle?

Answer 2

Geez, this sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer! There is alot to be concerned about here:

1) It was disrespectful of him to offer your home to his ex-wife without consulting you first. All major decisions, especially those that will disrupt your personal comfort, should be discussed with you first!! I would be pissed about that!!

2) Why is she moving out to be by you all? Is it so the kids can be close together? I'd be suspicious.

3) She may not be staying to visit him....or did she say that explicitly? She may just be staying so she can have some fun in CA! There IS lots to do.

I would talk to your husband and tell him that you don't feel comfortable sharing a house with his ex-wife and that he had no right to invite her to stay without talking to you. Tell him you don't mind babysitting his child every once in a while if she needs to go on an interview or something but that it's not YOUR responsibility to help her get set up in AZ. She's a grown damn adult. She knows the cost of moving and that it's difficult. She should not have relied on her ex-husband! I would politely let her know she needs to find an apartment FAST.

Answer 3

Yeah I would be mad too. I would definitely think something was up. Has your husband and his ex had a really good friendship this whole time, or has this just been more recently? I could see him MAYBE want to help her out (although I don't know about LIVING with you guys) if they were still really close friends, but normally that isn't something a guy would want to do. It's also fishy that she's staying in Cali so that she can go visit him. I think you should be very careful and try to get to the bottom of this.

Answer 4

Them two still have feelings for each other. Your husband already told you to let the ex-wife stay, it's just a matter of time before you will be the one exiting the house and the ex-wife is going to be there with her son and your 2 kids. You need to put her azz out NOW and tell you husband that his ex-wife is a woman and can find her own way. Who knows, your husband probably told her to come see him. P.S. Keep your eyes OPEN with them two.

Answer 5

Your problem is not with her, it is with your husband. Even though she was being intrusive by asking if she can stay in your home, it was your husband that allowed this to happen. She obviously knows how to manipulate him as he knows how to manipulate you. Pack up the kids, go to California, drop of her child with her, and then go visit your husband and tell him when he gets home there are gonna be some changes or you are gone. One big change is the ex is not allowed to move into your home, period. Stand up for yourself or her manipulation of him will eventually get at you and you will be the one to pay the price. Be careful, and good luck!

Answer 6

You're getting the shaft (and not in a good way). Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about it until someone decides to return. As for your husband's DUI charge being out of character, I disagree. Inviting an ex-wife to reside with you and having a DUI demonstrate a consistent pattern of stupidity. What will he do for an encore?

Answer 7

Sounds fishy....I WOULD NOT let my husbands ex wife live with us EVER! NEVER EVER! This would just not happen. He should have known better than to ask. Of course you have a right to be mad. Who cares if she is having trouble with the move. She chose to move, so she needs to be prepared to handle the financial obligations that come along with moving. He has a new wife to take care of and support which should be more important than his ex. It's nice that you are caring for their child. Try to be there for him, it's not his fault he is in the middle of all this.

Answer 8

Always trust your gut feeling and if you are mad, you have every right to be mad. Letting his ex move in will only cause marital problems for you. That is not a good idea. You have made a home for you two. She should not be in that equation at all. They should only have contact where concerning the child they share. Kinda sounds to me that they may be using you and are definitely expecting too much from you.

Answer 9

Yes… her kid is not yours… and she is not family… so she shouldn’t leave the child with you. Sounds like she it trying to get her ex back…

And if your husband doesn’t have a problem with what is happening… he may like that she is trying to get him back… If I was in this type of situation… I would put my foot down and end this before it gets to far to stop.

Answer 10

Yes you have every right to be furious. I would see what happens and seriously think about your marriage and your situation. You may need to make some changes