My sister's husband is cheating on her and I dont know how to tell her?

Question

Just recently I talked to one of my brother-in-law's best friends, who is also a friend of mine (lets call him "Jack"). He told me that my brother-in-law is cheating on my sister. Eventhough I had promised "Jack" that I wouldnt say anything because it was my brother-in-laws responsibility, I need to tell her because it hurts me to know this. (He has cheated on her with several other females and this is why I need to tell her because of her health.) "Jack" now begs me not to involve him, (and I told him I wouldnt). How should I tell my sister? We do not live on the same town and if I just tell her straight up, she WILL know that "Jack" told me because he is the only one I keep in contact with. How should I tell her?

Thanks Daisy, that is exactly why I feel such a need to tell her, because I dont want her to end up with any STD. You opened up my eyes, so much, and I have started planning my trip to visit her.

Thanks everybody

Answer 1

U drive to her house for some coffee and straight out tell her that is ur SISTER who gives a sh*t what "Jack" thinks he shoulda known u'd tell her cuz thats the right thing to do...Blood will ALWAYS be thicker then water...Ur family will always be there 4 u and u know she'd tell u reagardless if the source didn't want her to cuz again its the RIGHT THING TO DO!

Answer 2

Ok..first of all I don't suggest trying to talk to the brother-in-law first. If you do your sister will feel that not only has she lost her husband, but her sister has abandoned her as well. She will also feel that you have abandoned her if she finds out that you knew all along and didn't tell her.

Second, I do believe in staying out of other's business, but he is the one that brought his business out in the open when he brought his sex-life beyond the bedroom of him and his wife.

Third, think about why Jack told you. Did he tell you because he was tired of bearing this secret alone? If so, it sucks that he passed the buck to you - doesn't it? Did he tell you because he thinks your sister deserves to know? Or did he tell you just because he has a big mouth and talks too much?

You HAVE to tell your sister, and I think you know that. You should just tell Jack that you are going to tell your sister, and if he doesn't understand that it's his loss. He should have never put you in that position in the first place if he can't understand your loyalty to your sister. He should value the fact that he has a friend such as you that looks out for people. He may very well be in the same situation himself one day and should know that you would do the same for him.

The only way to break news like this is to be straight up. If you beat around the bush too much you may talk yourself out of telling her. There is a good chance that she knows he is cheating on her. Most women "just know" even if they don't catch them in the act.

Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Here is a sad story-I knew, I didn't tell. She ended up with some kind of Hepatitis, her liver is now diseased and there is no way to reverse it. He had cheated before, she found out before, she forgave him. He cheated again, she found out again, she forgave him again. Now she's sick, they have a young (under 10) child, and they may have to plan for life without mom before the child is 16, if her condition doesn't improve and continues to deteriorate.

Even if she forgives him, and takes him back 100 times over, you should still tell her. FACE to FACE, not over the phone, not by email. Staying with him or not is her choice, but if she isn't protecting herself because she thinks he's not cheating anymore, it is so dangerous!

The really sad part is, every once in a while, I am left thinking, if I had told her, would she still have gotten sick-or would that have been prevented? We will never know. And yes, she is related to me, too. She knows I knew, she understood why I didn't think it was my place to tell, but it doesn' t change the fact that she is sick, with something that maybe could have been prevented. Yes, she was infected by him.

Jack is just a spineless weasel-he shouldn't even be a consideration. Make the trip to see your sister.

Answer 4

ok you as a sister, you need to tell her now!!! wouldn't u want her to do the same? anyways if she finds out that jack told u just keep denying it, or you can tell her yeah it was him but she has to promise you that she will not tell her future to be exhusband who told her, the main thing is that she knows, is it really going to matter who told her, she is going to know the truth and that is what matters, it's not fair for your sister, that guy is an asshole!!! What is jack afraid of anyway? it's better to lose a friend like that anyway!! tell him to just be a man! He is already being one by letting u know what is going on, that's very nice of him, because most guys that have a friend like that will not tell on them, so that's good. Well Good Luck!!

Answer 5

if you tell her with only the 'he said she said' business ur describing here its not going to be enough to convince her 100 percent. theres always going to be some sort of doubt or wonder. you need something more hardcore. like maybe one of the girls admitting it or something. it doesnt matter who said what if the guy ends up denying it, cuz there will always be that shred of doubt.
not to mention if "jack" doesnt want to get involved its not gonna make ur case any easier.
even if you tell her as if you just heard it from someone somewhere and let her probe into it herself it might make thing uncomfortable.

i guess the bottom line is that if you cant give her something more than "someone told me hes cheating on you" shes not going to fully accept it and its just going to bite you in the bottom.

although, you know her better than i do obviously, so if you think she would actually listen to you then id just tell her and not worry about what "jack" thinks.

see, if jack told you, there HAS to be some part of him deep down that wants you to tell her so he doesnt have to feel guilty about concealing the knowledge. he may be pissed at first, but in a way, if you choose to tell her, its like taking away the responsibility he would have to deal with, and he will prolly get over it in time since its the right thing to do right?

i think theres a part of him that really does want to be involved in doing the right thing. onviously, or he wouldnt have opened his mouth to begin with.

Answer 6

You have to decide what you want to do - on one hand, Jack will be the bad guy if you tell her. On the other hand, your sister will never speak to you again if she finds out you knew but didn't tell her.
I'd tell her unless your relationship with your sister isn't that great.
You could also find out WHO he's cheating with and catch them in the act so you can bring her PROOF.
You could also try sending her hubby a love letter and/or some flowers from a mystery woman. Make sure they're delivered at a time when your suster will be home to receive them. that ought to do the trick too.

Answer 7

Send her an anonymous letter ( get a friend to send it from another location) and when she calls to tell you about it then you can say that there had been some gossip but you didnt know for sure.

Or get Jack to invite the BIL and his girlfriend to dinner at a certain place and take your sister there to eat. Then she cant deny it.

My guess is that your sister already knows in her heart and that what you say to her will be no real surprise- the wife almost always knows something is up.

Oh and next time dont promise not to tell when its about family.

Answer 8

this is a very difficult position for you, however, she is your sister and she needs to know. i would call your brother-in-law and give him x amount of days to tell her. then i would call her and make a trip to see her the day after the time cut off you gave her husband. if there are children, then you need to take her out of the house, but somewhere still private. in the end, she will respect you more for being honest and telling her than for keeping it in and letting her husband betray her. it's unfortunate that any person have to be in your or your sister's position. good luck.

Answer 9

well call your sister and ask her if she is doing fine, how is her husband, is everything fine between them...all those questions..just so u can know the way she feels and how is her days with hubby and all... just chat and u will feel it in her voice.
After a while, ask her if she seen anything strange towards hubby,if he makes weird phone calls, text msg,going outs, staying late from work and all,remembering you are asking all this in nice way and also to see if she will vent to you about her days with him..she is your sister and you love her, you would never want to see something like this for her.If finaly she doesnt vent to you just let her know , that you think that hubby is cheating and if she is aware of this. Tell her not to panick and that u just watching out for her, and tell her again. bc she will be like "wat?wat?"...Since you not there to give her a hug, tell her to look out for any signs before she makes her decision to "leave him" or cheat also in her own way.Tell her to relax and be nice and watch hubby schedulings... you will be a great sister because then you are giving her strenght to fight or find out for her self. I hope its not true that he is cheating,,maybe jack just doesnt like your sister no more for his bro. take care and always be a sister to her but dont jeopardize her marriage either. good luck

Answer 10

Tell Jack to tell the bro in law to confess within the week or you will tell her. That way it gives them a chance to sort things out on there own. but if he doesnt confess go straight to you sis. And this is just me talking but if my brother in law was cheating on my sister he would be getting a beating. But thats just me....