I realize that I did hurt him very much (I did not cheat!). I want to make things work. I still love him and he says he still loves me. I'm in counselling. We see each other once a week and speak on the phone almost every day. I thought we were getting somewhere when suddenly he's saying that he needs to heal his wound on his own and suggested I do the same. I don't understand, we're happy when we see other and talk about how we both feel and try to understand what exactly happened. Yet, he now is telling me that he needs to think about himself first, then us? I don't understand, he was the one who suggested I seek counselling to get some answers. He also suggested that we keep in touch so as to try to work things out...
2007-11-08 00:58:27 · 9 answers · asked by MEL X 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't make him want to work things out. the best thing to do is give him space and move on with your life. If he wants to work on the relationship, he will let you know.
2007-11-08 01:04:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume by you saying that you hurt your husband very much means that you said some mean things to him? Hurtful words run much deeper than anyone of us really know, he needs time to recover. I suggest that as part of your trying to make it work involves restoring any respect for him he feels is lacking. Men suffer from feeling they are not being respected by the woman they love. These feelings make them shut down and afraid to open up again. You must tell him something like this, "honey I am so sorry if I have been disrespectful of you and of who you are, I went about the wrong way in trying to get you to love me more, I hope you forgive me, please come home so that we can work on things together". You say this without begging, crying or whining., you must maintain your dignity. I say this because whenever a man feels unloved and disrepected he is most vulnerable to any other woman who can come into the picture and give him the admiration he so needs at this time. Tell him the marriage has suffered enough and that time apart can only add more to the damage that has already been done. What you need to do is convince him to come home. If this does not work then you need to give him the space he needs, continue to go to counselling, keep encouraging him and pray it works out for the best. I somehow know he loves you and is only hurt and feels he needs to gain his footish back by re- gaining a respectful stand on the situation. Wishing you the best of luck on this.
2007-11-08 01:19:37 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing wrong with working on yourself first. Two mentally healthy individuals will make a great couple. If either of them have issues going into the relationship, then one or both usually end up compensating or over compromising for the sake of the relationship. That takes a toll on the individual, consequently the bond starts to break down.
2007-11-08 01:14:03 · answer #3 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him the space and it will likely do you both a lot of good. It will either make it clear you need each other or that you need to be apart. Either way if you push it will only make him pull away further. Be very cool about it and respect his request. The old saying is often true about setting it free.
2007-11-08 01:08:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that although he suggested a modus operands, it is not working for him, may be every time he sees you and talks to you he is reminded of what ever you did to hurt him.
He may need time to work it through and you need to work out why you did what you did, what ever that is.I am reminded of the proverb that says. If you love some thing, let it free, if it does not come back it was never yours, good luck
2007-11-08 01:10:39 · answer #5 · answered by Loretta M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have decided it's not worth saving, and has second thoughts...either way, if you have problems deal with them through the therapy so you won't take the baggage to the next relationship...
2007-11-08 01:09:02 · answer #6 · answered by mamapoulette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is someone else now in the game. Thats y he is not that much interested to u anymore.
2007-11-08 01:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by Niel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he thought he could seek past what ever you did,but realized he couldn't.He needs more time them give him time.
2007-11-08 01:12:38 · answer #8 · answered by lollypop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it hurts see,,, when you turn someone down ..
2007-11-08 01:05:08 · answer #9 · answered by rpetch007 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋