Feeling suidical and 9 weeks pregnant, I need a pick-me-up PLEASE!!!?

Question

I am 9 weeks pregnant and my husband is not at all supportive of my pregnancy. We live in Japan away from the united states where I am from and I have no family friends out here. I am fatigued and nausea with heartburn and I cant do the things I used to. when I cook, lately I burn food and he gets mad and starts stomping around. Today I didnt cook and he got upset. He had to do the dishes because I didnt do them today for the first time in soooo long...My husband just started throwing stuff around the kitchen and mumbling under his breath about cleaning it because I left it untouched today. He is grouchy everyday and everytime I tell him about my symptoms he gets upset and argues with me. I almost want to have an abortion and not have the baby. we were laying in bed lastnight and i told him pregnancy feels like having 3 flus at one time..he started fake snoring! !have no support at all and I am extra sad that my husband is treating me so bad. I just wanna kill myself,help me u guys

Thanks everyone, the comments are awesome! I am feeling a little better. I just tried to talk to him and he said "hush I am watching TV" i said its important and he said "GET OUT OF THE WAY AND STOP BEING RUDE"!!! so i came back upstairs to read comments:(

Answer 1

You're husband obviously has issues! Is this pregnancy unexpected? I'm so sorry that you don't have the support system that you deserve. Every pregnant woman deserves to be pampered - you're obviously not getting that!

To start with, you should try to connect with other women, possibly through online groups - I'm involved in an amazing group called Milkdrunk (it's a yahoo group). We're very supportive of one another, and we have members from all over the globe. You can talk about nearly anything, and you'll find fast friends who are mothers, who are pregnant, who will empathize and have been through everything imaginable. Please feel free to check it out - you may even find someone else in Japan! Here's the link:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/milk_drunk/

Next, you're husband needs some counseling, but I don't know if he would be willing to participate. This may be behavior that you have to make a decision about - unfortunately while you're pregnant, which is a hard time to make hard decisions.

For your heartburn, see you can't find some papaya, either the fruit itself, a dried version, or a supplement called papaya mint (kind of like a tums - chewable and easy). I popped them like candy during my pregnancy 'cuz the heartburn was the worst!

Take naps. Anytime you need to, take a nap. You're in your first trimester, and it's extremely common for you to be so tired. I napped nearly everyday of my first trimester! You're body is working overtime to make another little body. If you're husband gets mad about not cooking, and asks you what you did all day, tell him, "I made a lung today, and you?" Just kidding, sarcasm is probably not going to make the situation better (but it's kinda fun to think about)!

You should probably look into getting some B vitamens, just make sure that they're natural and absorbable - a lot of cheap vitamens out there are no good. Inositol powder is a good and easy source for B vitamens as well, and it could help you feel less "unstable" and depressed.

Most importantly, I come back around to getting connected and finding a support system, even if it's over the computer. You need friends to commiserate with. I would love to tell you there's some magical thing to change your husband (because it certainly seems that the main problem is HIM, not YOU), but I don't know him, and in all honesty, there probably isn't. Join us at milkdrunk and vent to all of us - you'll get great advice, great support, and new friends. Also feel free to email me - I'll be happy to listen and offer you any support I can.
Best of luck.

Answer 2

You don't say how old you are, or your husband... is he also American?

You've started on a wonderful journey, you're going to be a mother. It's difficult in the beginning and sometimes all the way thru, but the result is absolutely marvelous!!

If you have not gotten to a good OB-GYN doctor.....please do.
They can help you understand what you're feeling mentally and physically. Because of the pregnancy, you've got hormones pumping thru your body and literally making you crazy. Please tell them of your home situation and your thoughts of abortion and suicide. They are valid feelings and very scary ones.

Just because your husband isn't presently "with the program" doesn't mean you can't turn him around. You have the power here hon, you're THE woman and so far he's just the sperm donor. Men can really be nasty, unsupportive, grouchy because they're scared they're not going to be "#1" anymore... you're going to have someone else to take care of who will take a lot of your attention away from him. Time to whip him into shape now. You're woman enough to do it. The first trimester is almost over with, you're going to start feeling better ... the morning sickness and malaise will ease and you'll start to look forward to each day and the miracle that's going on inside you. Eat lightly (no smoking or drinking!!), get light exercise and sleep whenever you wish... if you don't work. If you do work, the advice is the same.. you have a built in support group. And, get out there and find some girlfriends... you need them more now than at any other time in your life!!

If your hubby continues to act like a child (instead of an equal partner) you might start thinking of doing this by yourself. Get outta Japan, leave his butt behind and have a happy life with your baby.

Answer 3

I dont know if you are in the services or not, but if you are, there should be someone at the base, such as a chaplain. If hes not in the services, is there a church where you can find someone that speaks English if you dont speak Japanese. If it comes down to it, and you can manage it, go back home where you will have support and it will on him to decide if he wants to continue your marriage. You demand that he respect you and understand the position your in. You didnt get yourself pregnant. He helped.
You are at a very sensitive time at the moment, with your body changing and the hormones working overtime and you need to stay calm and rest and if he doesnt like it tough. Go about your business and try to ignore him as much as you can. If he has a tantrum, so be it. Let it go and dont argue with him. Let him know that you are not going to let him get to you. When he leaves for work, yell and scream and punch the pillows and get your frustrations out. BUT, you must find some support while you are there. If I was in your position, I would probably feel the same way. So get some help from somewhere. Im sorry I dont know anything about the services in Japan, But there should be something there for you. Try the doctor.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry to hear that. First things first, talk to your husband. This is the time where you really need emotional support and if he can't give it to you, you need to start over. Tell him everything, how you feel about him, what kind of situation you're in, and how much he means to you. If he continues with same behavior, I'm sorry to say you'll have to leave him. No women deserves a man like that, dear.

Don't, i repeat DO NOT kill yourself. It will only bring pain to the ones you love. If you can, it would be best to move back to the people that you mean the world to. Your family. The only people that won't let you down. I really hope evrything works out just fine. Good luck.

Answer 5

If I were you Hun I would get out of there ASAP! OF course you are going to feel depressed. Look at the way he is treating you! This should be a happy time for you and him. He seems to be very abusive! And I agree with the fact that he will only progress into a worse person if he does not get help for the way he is acting! So many men remain so selfish when their wives get pregnant ..expecting you to do everything and if it doesn't get done treating you badly because things aren't going his way! That's ABUSE! I think that you need to call someone in your family..Tell them exactly how he is treating you and get your butt back home where people will support you and treat you with the respect you deserve. If you stay there he may end up hurting you or your baby.. that is just reality. People who abuse others like that just get worse if not helped! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Your husband sounds like a spoiled brat. How many dishes can two people use, anyway. I have seven people in my house and my husband helps all the time. It seems to me that he really doesn't want this baby. Was it planned???
If he can't help you now around the house it will only be worse when the baby is born and you have feedings and diaper changes all day long, on top of cooking and cleaning.

You really need to sit down with him and have a serious conversation regarding this pregnancy. Maybe you can find a marriage counselor, or your gynecologist to discuss this with. I really wish you the best... email me if you want to.

Answer 7

Hi Lovely girl,
Is there anyone you could talk to on the phone a supportive friend? You are very isolated where you are. Try to remember that this is just a bad patch things will pick up I promise.
Perhaps you could find out about some councelling for the depression/anxiety/fatigue, once you start to talk to someone it will make you feel a whole lot better.
Your husband is being a prat I know, but he probably just can't understand why you are feeling so low. It is difficult sometimes for partners to understand depression.
Try to get out of the house and do something that you used to enjoy, and seek help and advice. Sometimes the people we least expect to understand (friends parents) have been there themselves....so open up to them.
Take care xxx

Answer 8

Sounds like he is going through some issues and doesn't know what to do about them. Your biggest focus should be your health and the health of the baby. I know that it can seem like a never ending complaints but you can make it. You need to talk to family back in the states and see about getting to them because you need a support system behind you not someone who will only make you misreble...the extra weight, sore ankles, and back aches will do that in good time. Killing yourself is not the message because that just means he got the better of you. You can do it, you just need a helping hand. Not sure, but if he lives in Japan, is he military? Cause if he is military, you can go straight to his commander and tell them the situation and there is nothing your husband can do once they are involved.....keep your head up and remember in 7 months.....the baby you will hold in your arms is your future and what you will live for. Best of Luck and contact me if you want to.

Answer 9

Was the pregnancy planned? I only ask because I am currently 37 weeks pregnant and my husband had a VERY hard time adjusting to the fact that I was pregnant. He was very uncomminicative and rude, had a bad temper etc. We had planned to get married and had set a date (we'd been together 10 years at this point) , but brought it forward so I wouldn't be too big on the day, plus he changed jobs for more money which only added to his stress. I am not excusing your husband's behaviour, but he may be feeling overwhelmed (as many men do when their partners become pregnant) but doesn't want to admit it to you for fear of not being in control of his feelings and admiting he his scared of the pregnancy and what changes it will bring to his life. I held on in there and once I got to about 7 months and the pregnancy was still going fine and he was able to begin feeling the baby move he became a lot calmer and more positive. Up until that point I just chose to get on with enjoying the pregnancy in my own private way, and waited for him to catch-up. Also, I spent the first 14 weeks sleeping every available hour of the day which irritated him, but tough - I told my priority was to keep myself and the baby healthy, not to babysit his feelings! Sorry if this is a bit of ramble, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only woman to have gone through this - I did and things have turned out ok, but only because I know and understand my husband better than he does himself and know how he feels about babies (he loves them) and understand when he is 'acting up' (like a child) because he is not always very good at expressing his feelings in a positive way. If you know and understand your husband in the same way, then trust that everything will be fine, but let him deal with things at his own pace, don't tryand force baby conversations if he clearly feels overwhelmed by the whole idea at this point. ( this our first lesson in patience with another human being and it's hard, but if you had a solid relationship beforehand, it will be worth it I promise.) Good luck and try not to let his moods affect you and your pregnancy.

Answer 10

I know he is your husband and you love him but seriously!
Don't let ANYONE treat you like that!
Especially a man that got you pregnant!
If I were you I would smack some sense into him!
If the situation gets worse, get your butt on a plane or something and go see your family.
He shouldn't be getting upset over food and dishes! He should be ashamed and someone needs to give him a good kick in the ***!
I understand what your going through, and you really want to be in a good environment and around people who support and care for you!