THE POWER OF LOVE POTION NO. 9
I have been unlucky in love all my life, and now that I am getting pretty close to my “Sell-By Date,” I have decided to visit the old gypsy woman, Madame Ruth, for a bottle of her Love Potion No. 9. Some of my friends have tried it, and it made them truly irresistible to men. Now it’s my turn.
“Madame Ruth,” I said, “My love life is non-existent. Some of my friends have had very good luck with your Love Potion No. 9. Could I buy a bottle?” She replied, “That is very strong medicine, child. Perhaps just a love charm is all you need.”
I replied, “Are you kidding? Men have been known to suggest I wear a bag over my head when they take me out!! Moreover, those were just the blind dates. I never seem to be able to get one on my own. I am beginning to think the only guys that could ever want to be seen with me would actually be blind!”
Madame Ruth put on her glasses and peered near-sightedly at me. She said, “I see your point!” Meanwhile, I had been absent-mindedly taking some of the lids off some of the vials on the shelf and smelling them. Madame Ruth saw me doing this, and she said, “Beware, child, I CAN turn you into a TOAD if you are not careful!!”
“I’ve had my eye on a certain guy, Charlie, I met at work, but he doesn’t even notice I am alive,” I despaired. “I’ve pretty much given up hope that he would ever want to be my boyfriend. I‘m just afraid I am destined to be an old maid!” Madame Ruth then held out her hand with a tiny bottle of Love Potion No. 9. She said, “IMPOSSIBLE!!! How can he resist ...THIS!!!!??”
“But first,” Madame Ruth said, “There is that little problem of your face. Has anyone ever mentioned it could stop a clock?” I was surprised she said that, but I answered, “Not in those exact words.” Madame Ruth replied, “No problem--just rub a few drops of the potion onto your face, and you will be LOVELY.”
“Now, another thing dearie,” said Madame Ruth, “You don‘t seem to understand men. I thought you understood that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.” I replied, “What does that mean, Madame Ruth?” She explained, “Men and women are as different as beings from other planets.” I said, “Ah!! Now I finally understand!”
Now that I am lovely, understand men, and have my little bottle of Love Potion No. 9 tucked safely into my purse, I could hardly wait to see Charlie again. Sure enough, Monday morning, I saw him sitting at his desk. I went to the coffee machine, drew a cup of black, just the way he likes it, and put in a couple of drops of the potion.
“Charlie,” I said. “Remember me?” He replied, “A lovely girl like you would be hard to forget, but I can’t remember ever meeting you before, and yet you do look vaguely familiar.” I replied, “There is something in the supply room I want to show you. Meanwhile, I brought you a cup of coffee--drink up!!”
When we were alone in the supply room, I casually locked the door, and asked, “Charlie, do you love me?” He answered, huskily, as he started kissing me and caressing my body, “I am MAD for you darling...absolutely!! I‘ll rock your world like it‘s never been rocked before!!”
I thought to myself, “Thank you, Madame Ruth.” Then I answered Charlie, “Can you REALLY rock my world like it's never been rocked before?? I‘m from Missouri, SHOW ME!!”
2007-11-07 23:52:16
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answer #1
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answered by soupkitty 7
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(4) I thought you understood that men are the dumbest creatures on earth. (2) Men have been known to stick their fingers in wall sockets just to see if it will make their hair stand on end (6 Ah! Now I finally understand!). You can ask a man "(7) Can you REALLY rock my world like it's never been rocked before?? His first thought will have nothing to do with love. It will be more like "with enough horsepower and a new flywheel, I probably can." When your mad at him, you could say (3) "I CAN turn you into a TOAD if you are not careful." I guarantee you 9 out of 10 men will say "Cool." When your looking at his picture thinking (1) I'm mad for you darling....absolutely!!!, just remember how dense men can be. If it doesn't have to do with cars, motors, or explosives, it's hard to keep their interest. To really get their interest you are going to have to do things that will make you irresistable. It's not enough just to rely on the power of love.
I know, I know, you looking in the mirror thinking to yourself (5) "IMPOSSIBLE!!! How could he resist...THIS!!!!. But let me tell you sister, you'd better chrome plate those babies and add spinners if you really want him to take notice.
2007-11-08 05:16:39
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answer #2
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answered by ghouly05 7
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Impossible! How can he resist THIS? And she taunted him with the ball with which Hank Aaron hit his record-breaking homer. "Ah," he said "Now I finally understand how well you understand me. Men have been known to sell off their bubblegum cards to get the price of an engagement ring."
"Can you really rock my world like its never been rocked before?"
"Well, no. But I could have done if I'd gotten hold of a Satchel Paige; they're worth a fortune."
"I can turn you into a toad if you're not careful!"
"A toad? Jeez, I could really get a jump off of first base! I am mad for you, Darling, absolutely!"
2007-11-07 19:38:26
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answer #3
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answered by picador 7
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1) When I finally fell in love I fell hard. It was strange cause I had always thought I was not a romantic person. I had always thought I was a calm, pragmatic and methodical person. But with Jim I saw my folly as I realized that I was a romantic fool who had been masquerading all the while.
We were at a private and cosy candle light dinner where he had just proposed on one knee. And I had accepted. It was so touching and romantic.
" I am MAD for you darling...absolutely!!" I said staring into his eyes.
"Honey, I am gonna rock your world like never before." He said with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Can you REALLY rock my world like it's never been rocked before??' I asked mischieviously as I imagined a crazily rocking bed while on our honeymoon. "Men have been known to promise more than they can deliver."
"I have the magic wand dearie," he said with a laugh. "I CAN turn you into a TOAD if you are not careful!!"
"Ah!! Now I finally understand!" I agreed as I caught a glimpse of his mystery magic wand in his bulging trousers.
2) We had been working in the same office for about six months. And she had been giving me the eye for just as long. But I paid her no heed knowing that I was married. I began suspecting she was a witch when I suddenly found myself at her dining table one Saturday evening. One second I was at my home preparing to run a bath and the next I was sitted in her house sipping a glass of what must have been drugged wine, because I didn't know half of what I was saying. I was like two people. One under some influence and another just watching helplessly like an out of body experience.
"Can you REALLY rock my world like it's never been rocked before??" she asked as she caressed my legs with her toes under the table.
"I am MAD for you darling...absolutely!! I would rock your world like a Tsunami." I heard myself say.
"Men have been known to tell fables when they want something really bad.........." she purred stroking my thighs.
"I thought you understood that men are prisoners of their passions. But I do not promise what I cannot deliver." I responded feeling greatly aroused and not even recognising my own voice. But I summoned my wits about me and tried to break the trance, spell or whatever it was.
"I really must go now," I said getting to my feet.
"IMPOSSIBLE!!! How can he resist ...THIS!!!!" I heard her mutter in annoyance as she stared at her exposed cleavage and the her pink sexy lingerie.
"SIT DOWN!" she ordered me and I sat immediately like a zombie. But I tried again and got back to my feet.
"I really must leave!" I insisted
"I CAN turn you into a TOAD if you are not careful!! Sit down I said." she roared at me. "Ah!! Now I finally understand! The portion must be wearing out. Never to worry I will just top up your drink, my darling!" But I was a step faster. I smashed the wine glass on her head and ran for my dear life. I believed she jumped on her broomstick because I saw a flying object in the sky seemingly chasing after me.
2007-11-07 19:11:32
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answer #4
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answered by violeo 5
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Dodge City, Kansas
Circa 1873
As Miss Kitty was leaving Delmonicos for the Long Branch, Marshal Matt Dillon was just riding back into town, having been on a fruitless chase of another desperado. Exhausted and frustrated, he slowly dismounted.
Kitty, to herself......"(1) I am MAD for you darling...absolutely!!
Outloud......." 'Lo, cowboy. Welcome back. Come on over when you get cleaned up....There'll be a beer waiting for you."
Matt:"Thanks Kitty. Sounds good."
Kitty hurried back to the saloon! Climbing the stairs two at a time, she ran to her room to apply a little more rouge and lipstick....."(2) Men have been known to do whatever I ask of them, when I wear the right dress," she exclaimed, changing into a flaming red number hot off the racks of St. Louis.
She knew only too well that Matt had hooked up with Sunshine MacGillicutty. Still..... A woman in love throws facts out the window.
Kitty waited in the saloon for 30 minutes....Still no Matt. Finally she decided to go to his office. As she opened the door, she could hear him snoring. Smiling, she quietly sat in a chair across from him, gazing at the man she had loved for the better part of 20 years. She looked up as the door opened.
Kitty:"Sshhhhh, Festus. He just got back. He's exhausted." She turned her attention back to Matt.
Festus knew that she loved Matt.
Festus, whispering: "Miss Kitty......I know you still have a hankering for Matthew, but he and Miss Sunshine are ...uh...Well........Don't ya see?! He's with HER now. It's over between you two. Kaput. Over. It's been did."
Kitty glared at him:" (3) I CAN turn you into a TOAD if you are not careful!!"
Startled, Festus jumped back....."But Miss Kitty......He LOVES Sunshine."
Kitty stood up and walked over to Festus, nose to nose.
Kitty:"(4) I thought you understood that men are slow to remember their vows when they have an opportunity to dilly dally."
Festus:"Not ol' Matthew, Miss Kitty. Why.....He's ....."
Kitty interrupted him as she took off her shawl, revealing her low-cut- tarty-red- dress.
Kitty:"(5) IMPOSSIBLE!!! How can he resist ...THIS!!!! "
Festus tried not to stare as he shuffled his feet back and forth and stopped squinting his right eye in order to squint his left eye!
Festus:" Hmmmmmm.....Ya gotta point there, Miss Kitty." He took a quick peek ............... (6) Ah!! Now I finally understand!"
Just then Matt started waking up. Kitty pushed Festus out of her way as she found a mint at the bottom of her purse and popped it in her mouth.
As he started speaking, Kitty realized he was talking in his sleep.
Matt:" Baby.....Oh, baby......"
Kitty:"Yes, Matt. Oh, yes?!"
Matt:" (7) Can you REALLY rock my world like it's never been rocked before??"
Kitty jumped up, grabbed Festus and threw him out of the office. As he stood outside, he heard the bolt on the door lock into place.
Kitty practically flew back to Matt's side. She kicked off her shoes and was just taking off her 5th pettycoat when Matt started talking again.
Matt:" I've missed you, darlin.'"
Kitty tore the front of her dress open in her feverish attempt to disrobe.
Kitty:"Yes, Matt, yes!! I've missed you, too!!"
As she slipped into bed next to him, Matt threw open wide his arms,shouting (Still in his sleep) "SUNNYMAC. NOW!! NOW !! "
Kitty was thrown from the bed !!! She quietly left, wiping a tear from her eye and rubbing her sore shoulder.
2007-11-08 14:09:48
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answer #5
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answered by I am Sunshine 6
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