My boyfriend wont purpose :(?

Question

ive been living with my boyfriend now for 2 years we are so in love but i am really ready to be married now and he says he is scared, he said he wants to marry me one day and that he does what to be with my for the rest of his life but i kinda dont know if i should believe him. we are both still young and i am his first girlfriend i sometimes think that he wants to do other things/people in his life and it kills me should i tell him he needs to do this or its over??

we are not rushing into marriage we have been together forever i want to be able to be with him forever start my life with him

and people bitching about spelling get over it why waste your time answering someone if you're not going to give a proper answer get a life and stop wasting mine

ok maybe i should have explained more we have the perfect relationship everyone wants to be us both our parents are still together and very happy for 30+ years we are so happy together we are best friends we rarley ever fight i have asked him why he is scared and all he says is that he doesnt know i want to be married to him so bad thinking about it makes me want to puke but in a good way. its like right now i need it more then air and him being scared or having second thoughts makes me think he may not want to spend forever with me even though he says he does so it makes me scared and want him to marry me even more, i dont want to lose him...i dont know im so confused i dont know what i should do

Answer 1

Marriage is something that can't be rushed. To do so, at best, will result in a lot of resentment that could ruin what could have otherwise been a wonderful relationship. By marrying prematurely, you won't secure anything, and instead, make for a miserable ending.

You say that you are both young and that you are his first girlfriend. It is very possible that he really loves you but needs to know that in his commitment to you, he won't mind the sacrifice of other possibilities. To try and force that option out of his mind by giving him an ultimatum, you won't be doing yourself, nor him, any favors. He will wonder and he will resent it.

If you suspect that what holds him back is his possible desire to explore, you are probably right. You are in a scary position, and unfortunately, there is no pretty and pat answer. This is a decision he has to make on his own. I know this is agony, and there is simply nothing you can do but decide if you want to wait and see what the answer is. It may even include backing off so that he can explore and be sure that when (and if) he decides it IS you, he can make an educated decision he can stand behind, heart and soul. Whether or not you wish to (or can) give him that space is up to you.

You can try sitting down with him and discussing how this is making you feel. You have every right to express your own feelings and perhaps here you should. An ultimatum should not be given, but perhaps the two of you could come to some sort of agreement, be it a certain timeframe ("Do you think you could decide in the next two years?"), a certain amount of space/exploration ("Do you want to take a break and see other people/do other things?"), or just really WHERE exactly you want your lives to go ("Do we REALLY see our lives as going in the same direction? What do you want? What do I want?").

Believe me, especially if you both are young, you have plenty of time to figure things out. Don't rush it.

Answer 2

Ok I'm in the same place as you except me and my boyfriend just hit our 3 year mark. If he's anything like my boyfriend the more you nag about it the longer it will take him. Guys want to surprise you and do it for the right reasons they don't want to propose because the were forced and yes all guys get scared my boyfriend is too (and I do sometimes get in nag mode about it) but it'll happen when they're ready you can't force it or you can do what I did me and my boyfriend are 22 I told my boyfriend that I always planned on being married, having a house, and working on having my first child by 25 he has agreed that that is a reachable goal and so far we have none of it but he's working really hard to get there I can tell so maybe if you set a long term time limit but don't threaten it'll only push him away and make sure he understands that you want to be with him but you can't wait forever!!! Good luck feel free to email me if you want to talk more!

Answer 3

Ask him way he is scared. After all you have been living together for 2 years like a married couple. Maybe he doesn't want all the responsibilities that comes with marriage and you can suggest pre-marital counseling to ease his mind. Don't give him an ultimatum, because he has cold feed already and he will disappear. Just tell him, that you are ready for a commitment and if he needs more time than he should go for it and move out til he knows what he wants. If he wants to play around than he shouldn't be involved with you. I hope it works out for you guys.

Answer 4

if your both young there is still no hurry to do this.. if you marry now you are going to be with this person forever.. and that's a very long time.. i think you should not worry about marriage just yet if you love him and he loves you then you both will know when time is right.. you don't want to give him the ultimatum or you might not be with him anymore. and yes he should do things now and then with his friends and people in his life. you just cant take all his time to be with you.. men dont think that way. you both need friends to do other things with and enjoy what is out there in life.. i dont mean like cheating on each other either.. but if you dont like him hanging with his friends and things like that once in a while then you might be to clingy.. you need to do more without him as well.. its what makes you grow and be better people. good luck

Answer 5

I have been with someone for 3 years and yeah I have the marriage bug but why mess with things if you are in love and the relationship is strong and you are in love with him why leave that is ridiculous!!! it sounds to me like you may be more interested in marriage than you are having someone that loves you...he is with you for a reason think more about that than whether or not he wants to be with someone else if he did he would be...My advice and take it for what its worth he will propose in his own time and when its right not a moment sooner the more you push him the more likly you are too loose him so think which is worse waiting to get married I mean you are still young or loosing him?

Answer 6

It could be true about him being scared depending on his parents relationship status. However, the saying goes why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Chances are as far as statistics goes that you are twice as likely to get divorced if you have lived together first so if I were you I would not try to fix what is not broken.

Answer 7

that's what's impSince you guys are still young, what's the hurry? Just have fun and enjoy each other BUT give him an ultimatum like "If we still feel the same way in the next two years, we need to get married. If you won't marry me then, I'd have to find someone who is willing to."

Marriage is overrated anyway. What's important is you treat each other with love, respect and you get along well.

Answer 8

You do not sound to mature on the issue yourself. You love each other and you want to rush into marriage. Not too smart. I think he has his brain on straight.

Answer 9

Dont give him an ultimateum, nothing good will come of it. Sit down and talk to him about it. If you really love him, then it should be worth the wait.

Answer 10

Why should he marry you?? You already live together. All the benefits without the serious commitment