My wife had sex with another guy near the same time our daughter was concieved, she says she was taken advantage of, and I just found out this plus another time in Janurary they had sex. We have been married for just over a year and now our (alleged) daughter will be two soon. I have ordered a paternity test which is still pending, but she has a lot of past issues eg. sexual abuse by uncle and alcoholic father. Is it worth sticking around for? I had to snoop through her e-mails to find all of this info out, so it's not like she confessed to me. Plus when I confronted her, she lied about it at first then told me half the truth and I had to hear from the other guys wife they had sex again in January, which makes more lies. She has a big problem with dealing with her past/emotions/problems and I think it may be better to just cut my losses and move on. What do you think? She cannot run her business sucessfully and is kind of a slob, which is bad coming from a guy! Please help!
2007-11-07 14:43:02 · 20 answers · asked by Joe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry to say this because we all make mistakes, but this is more than mistakes. It is a pattern which seems to have deep root causes. She needs more help than a loving spouse can give and it does not sound like she is ready for marriage - she needs to deal with some of these issues. If you leave, I suggest you explain (calmly) why. If you still love her, you can see how things are once she has gone to counseling, but for now I simply do not see her as someone who can handle a relationship.
2007-11-07 14:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by xxxxxxxxx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't necessarily think divorce is the only option. However, she would have to be willing to make some serious changes and get some professional help. Her past sexual abuse could easily be affecting her abilities to have a close relationship because that involves trust, and trusting someone could ultimately mean her getting hurt. She may not be intentionally hurting you, but she has to be willing to get help to overcome her past issues. If she is unwilling to get help, then she most likely won't make the needed changes. Also, what if the child isn't yours? Will you still be willing to work it out with her? By the way, you could still have rights as a presumed father in the event of divorce and the if child not yours. You deserve to be treated with respect and be in a relationship where someone is committed the way you are to making it work. Good luck... and I hope the baby is yours! :-)
2007-11-07 14:55:49 · answer #2 · answered by ladybug 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to keep dealing with her cheating, stay. She's not gonna quit. Her cheating habits will grow. Marriage can survive infidelity, but only if the affair is\was brief, like a one nighter, or a short term fling. It sounds like she might need lots of attention, and will seek it no matter how much you satisfy her in the bedroom. I'd get out. I truly believe in the vows of marriage, but cheating is the worst thing you can do to a marriage. If you are doing everything you can to make a marriage work, plus some, then I consider a cheater as being very, very selfish. She is taking your trust and trashing it. Even if she swears never to do it again, will you completely trust her? Will you completely forget? Do you deserve that?
2007-11-07 20:13:19 · answer #3 · answered by spike 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I almost have the same experience. 1 month ago, I found she had a profile on largesingle.com. Asit's a free site, she got many winks or emails from here. I asked her to delete all her profiles on the internet. She promised. But later, I found her photo on that stupid site. I guess all women are eager for such thing. All I want to do know is collolect the evidence, and then give her the last warning. If she has the 3rd time, the only way solving the problem is divorce.
2007-11-07 17:07:11 · answer #4 · answered by lynn s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you feel is right in your heart. Your wife has a lot of issues she needs to deal with before your marriage can even work. But don't stay with her out of pity. You also need to think of yourself and what will be good for you and your daughter (once the paternity test comes back). If you think she can change and you can wait for her, then stay, otherwise, if you can't forgive her for cheating, then all you can do is move on.
2007-11-07 14:52:23 · answer #5 · answered by mlvue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You wife is seriously delusional...she was taken advantage of by the guy she had sex with? That is a lame excuse if I ever heard one....and she had sex with him again...I suppose he took advantage of her again right? She really should see a therapist so she can deal with her feelings regarding sexual abuse from an uncle and her alcoholic father.....her past issues are no excuse for lying to you....I think you should talk to her and get her to talk to someone....and to see if she is willing to deal with her past so she can live in the present.....Only you know what is best to do for you....
2007-11-07 14:50:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She definitely needs therapy. A lot of times when a woman is really promiscuous she has self esteem problems. I don't condone extra-marital affairs, but it does sound like she needs help at this time more than anything. If you can't bear the thought of staying with her, it's understandable. But try to encourage her to see a therapist anyway, for the sake of your child.
PS: Do you love the child now? If she turns out not to be your legitimate daughter, will you continue to love her, or will you harden your heart to her? To her, you are daddy. It wouldn't be her fault that you might not be her biological father. Please think about that before you turn your back on her.
2007-11-07 14:54:12 · answer #7 · answered by Shubunkin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally with all of those issues I think you should move on, but before you do that ask yourself why you married her in the first place? Only you can answer that, and if the answer outweighs the other issues then maybe you should try and work things out through custody etc. if not then ride out fast!
2007-11-07 14:50:28 · answer #8 · answered by bossalinni_00 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sure are you she only cheated twice ?
While its unfortunate she has past issues
this inappropriate behavior may well continue
for a long time. You deserve a good life. So
do you think she will ever recover from her past
issues & become a stable, responsible spouse ?
If yes, give your mariage a chance. If not, dump her.
2007-11-07 15:00:18 · answer #9 · answered by Ski Freedom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheating is cheating!! no matter what the circumtances are... nothing can justify infedelity...obviously she knows she can get away with it... maybe one time you can be understa'nding because of her past... but what about the second time?? It doesn't seem like she's sad when she cheats on you!!! Maybe you are a GOOD catch for HER,but doesn't mean she's a good catch for YOU!! You deserved better than this and it's time for you to move on before you get seriously hurt.
2007-11-07 14:53:12 · answer #10 · answered by M S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋