Extraordinarily weird marriage arrangement, what do you folks think? HELP ME?

Question

My son announced he plans to get married to his girlfriend he has been dating for 4 months. He just turned 20. Young, but is NOT the strange part. Son left home about 14 months ago to attend college out of state, he had mentioned dating this "nice girl." We heard all about her in phone calls and emails home, but never actually saw her. This week he returns home for a visit with the girl and I immediately noticed something quite familiar about her. She very much resembled my long lost High school sweetheart. Yes, I picked up on this right away, I thought there is no way. Well "no way" turned out to be yes it is true. He is planing to marry the daughter of a girl I dated for 4 years during high school! This was my soul mate of sorts that got away for various reasons some 21 years ago.She was my first love and yes a person I have in a way always missed and longed for.

This is the freakiest situation I've ever been involved in. No contact with my ex girlfriend yet, my son and his girlfriend do not know yet. How in God's name should I handle this? HELP! It's just too wierd

Answer 1

Our daughter married the nephew of my hs sweetheart. It was sooo fun to see her again. It has never been an issue at family gatherings. Look at it this way... you know the family, what stock she comes from, the values she grew up with. Do you feel that your hs sweet would have made a good mother? This happens a lot in small towns. Our daughter grew up in Chicago, moved to St Louis, and met this great guy from my little home town in Iowa. Weird, maybe, but fun. And, she brought home a lot of yo-yos before him. He is great for her.

Answer 2

Although it sounds like a nice plot line for a soap opera, it's actually quite irrelevant that the girl he wants to marry is the daughter of an old high school sweetie of yours. That is a coincidence and nothing more.

The fact that you are still carrying a torch for someone 21 years later is not your son's drama, only yours. Try to keep your past and feelings of unrequited love for this girl's mother to yourself. It's not about you.

You could casually mention that you dated her mother a hundred years ago and see what happens. If neither of you are married, perhaps you can have a 2nd chance with "the one that got away."

Answer 3

Wow. Thats the stuff movies are made of.
I take it your married so your wife is your true soul mate not one from years ago. Those are just trapped memories of good times .When you see the ex you may be suprised. Half the time when you catch up with people from the past you realize they are not the childhood memory anymore and are quite different than as we remembered.
Just be honest... don't make a big deal about it and respect your wifes feeling above everyone elses. This may be an awkward time for her more than anyone else.

Answer 4

There is nothing to handle unless she is your daughter. You can be very happy about it - you will all laugh etc. But YOU should stay out of it -it's their life. Since they will live away from you the only contact you should have is family gatherings. Keep your emotions in check - the old flame may have burned out (hers) long ago. It could ruin lots of relationships if you start acting like a high school boy again and try to start a relationship with her mother.

Answer 5

SAY NOTHING. That is the best thing.

Then, IF they do get married, (which is as yet a not sure thing) then you can find out/let on that you knew her mother in the past. SAY NOTHING about the relationship that you had with the mother of the girl. It will only be detrimental to the situation.

If this lady has any class, she will do the same and MUM is the word. Let sleeping dog's lie.

Answer 6

All you can do is be happy for them. Maybe your son has the same taste like you growing up. Just be happy for them. Advise him also if you really love her then marriage can wait if you think they're too young. What ever happened to you & the ex girlfriend you had was in the past. You both moved on & have families of your own. Just consider her as family now. It happens.

Answer 7

WOW, I lived with a lady for nearly a year,(and we had a great time sexually), but she had this 14 year bratty daughter, and she was a real b^&^h, we broke up, I just would take that lil girls cramp!! 10 years later, my son shows up with a date, who looks like a $2.OO HOOKER, AND YOU GUESSED IT IT WAS HER (DRESSED JUST LIKE HER MOM TOO)!! We knew each other rite away, I though she was going to do my son on the front porch (just like mom), He & I talked, he said,"she's just a toy", just like her mom was to you!! We must live in a small world after all!! He dumped her too. but had a good time!!!

Answer 8

I would get out my year book and sit down with my son ad tell him, you know what we both have the same taste in Women. you see her (pint out the girlfriend's mother) and tell him that is your further mother-in-law. I dated her in school and she was the one that got away but don;t let yours get away.
Do not be scat to tell him the truth about it. It would make for an weired wedding.

Answer 9

Wow. That is weird. What a coincedence. I guess I would tell your son. It was in the past, so he should be ok with it. But I would tell him before the girl's mom figures it out and tells her daughter. He will feel better hearing it from you. Good luck!

Answer 10

Well, it's time for you (Mr. Dad) to grow up. It's a small world and things like this happen. You shouldn't be "longing" for any other woman if you're married.