Am I that dumb?

Question

My husband told me the other day that he didn't know if he wanted to be married anymore. He had been married before me and we have been married for almost 10years. He needed some space. Although it hurt I agreed for the separation. Later to find out that he may though he denied it ran off with another woman. He had our bank card in which he was purchasing gas in about 4 diff states. So i had shut it off which sparked a text message from him to thank me for not doing what I had agreed. I said I would have if i didn't find out you were with someone else he said he isn't he is alone. All my friends and family are wanting me to run to the divorce lawyer and file. I don't know if I want to I want to know for sure before I make rash decisions it has only been 4 days. Am I a fool for waiting or is it so bad to want to hear his side of the story before getting a lawyer? I am worried about him though I haven't been able to contact him since monday and he don't have any money?

Answer 1

Talk to a lawyer BEFORE you do ANYTHING. Do it quickly, before he gets one. You deserve better, and I know you will find it. But talk to a lawyer quick! Good luck :D

Answer 2

Having a married life, an undivided attention is imperative. In your case, however, it seems your husband is not doing his own share.

Money is not the only thing that binds you together. There should be love and trust in between. Relationship, in general, is a two-way street. It really takes two to tango as they say. One has to do his share in order for the other to reciprocate. How one is acting and reacting could be associated with the way how the other is treating and acting towards his partner. What I am saying is, you should do some self-checking.

Does it ever come in to your mind that the reason for him asking for some space could be the way you are treating your man? Are you not happy with the way things are going with us? Is there something I should do? Talk to your man and ask him these questions. In this way, you could have an idea of what is killing your relationship and take action of it before it totally kills your marriage.

However, if you still feel that despite the your best efforts to save your marriage he cannot be happy with you anymore for some reason, if worse comes to worst, let the man go. Thus, if you love someone set them free.

You're on the right track, hear his side of his story first before making any harsh decision. I just hope that things would work out right for you both. Wish you the best. Goodluck.

Answer 3

He may have a track record of not staying committed in a relationship. Even though you are hoping that he comes back that may not be the case. You may have to come to grips with the situation at hand, that your husband wants out. A wise woman once told me that in the majority of marriages sometimes a woman gives the most and takes the most in the relationship. And in my experiences and the people around me , I find it to be true in most cases. When is it going to be our turn to take? Here you are waiting and wondering with your heart out on the line while this man is parading from state to state. You don't just walk out on your marriage. You sit down and you discuss things. My advice to you is to give him an ultimatum the next time you talk to him, tell him do he want to be married or not, because if he doesn't then your getting a lawyer. And you will have grounds on dessertion to file for divorce.

Answer 4

I think your friends and family are dumb for telling you to rush it. People need space sometimes. The divorce rate is so high today because people don't use it as a last resort anymore. What is the point in taking VOWS if you are going to run to the divorce lawyer at the first sign of trouble. You're doing the right thing. Wait for him to come around. If he keeps playing you, then start thinking about ending it. Don't do something you'll regret later. Sometimes the pain of waiting is worth it in the end, even if it doesn't end how you want it to. At least you know you did everything you could to make things right.

Answer 5

Unless you are 100% sure that he is cheating on you right now I would wait. I have been threw A LOT with my husband and we are seperated right now. Many people think I need to forget about him and I can do better. And yes he has done a lot of bad. But people do change and I think he is trying. But I won't know for sure till he gets back from Iraq....however my point is I belive that if there is a chance a marriage can be saved it is worth trying. You stood before god and vowed for better or worse and this right now is your worse. You do whatever you can to make it work and sometimes it just does not and if that is the case then yes you do get seperated. But if you are both willing to try then do what it takes. But some men can also be sneeky (like my ex) and make you think they want it to work and then file for divorce behind your back only to get everything started and then decide they don't want one. So you need to be sure you want a divorce and he does also. Because they aint cheap and depending on if there are kids and everything you have to think about what is best for everyone. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I can understand that he may need some space...but 4 states worth of space? That is a little weird...but that doesn't mean that he is cheating...I think you owe it to the both of you to talk with him before heading to the divorce lawyer.....You are not dumb by the way......I might have had the the card shut off as well....so he wouldn't run up the credit card or drain the checking account...yes you agreed to give him his space....but I think he is going just a bit overboard....

Who told you that he may have ran off with another woman? Do you have proof?

Answer 7

Do you know for sure that he ran off with another woman? Is this something that happened out of the blue or have the 2 of you been fighting for a while? You don't really have a choice but to give him space. Maybe he just needed to get away for awhile. If you want to make it work, give him his space and talk to him before getting a lawyer. If you are ready to call it quits and you know for sure he left for another woman, get a lawyer.

Answer 8

I think you need to relax and tell your husband to get his butt home. You took vows. Just because he has ants in his pants, (and in my personal opinion - may be playing the field), you both need to do what you can to make your marriage work. See a counselor and work at it. Don't just give up. Why would you want to??? Life is not easy, and neither are relationships.

One word of advice on the "our bank card". He may get ticked enough to withdraw all of the money out of the account. I would recommend covering your butt, and transferring at least the majority of it into an account in your name only. Since you took the first step to deny him money, he may take the second step and wipe you clean.

My best to you.

Answer 9

It makes NO sense for him to Leave the friggin' state for some space?! That just doesn't sound right !! And if ya'll have been married for 10yrs. "why" just suddenly "wonder" if he Wants to married anymore. Sounds lame !! I would invest in a Private investigator BEFORE running to any Divorce lawyer !! Good Luck !!!

Answer 10

This is an odd situation, but one that he placed himself in, not you. I believe in getting some space, but for 4 days? I think something is up. But, ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right and it sounds as if, for you, it is getting answers. Do you think he would tell the truth even if he is with someone else? If yes, then it might be worth the wait, if no, then I would follow your families advices.

Answer 11

you did the right thing - whether he is with someone or not. Cut off all funds (be careful of stock accounts etc. that and listed "or" because he can get to those also). He has had his fling and now needs to decide what he wants in life. You can decide if you want him or not. If yes, then work on the marriage with a councilor.