Is it too much to move because of his ex girlfriend/babys mama?

Question

My husband had 2 kids with his ex gf before we met .They never married but he cheated on me once w/ her when we first got 2gether. glad to say it never happened again and we got through it. Every time we make a big move, like getting our own house, had our son, and now we just got married, some my inlaws makes it all about her like we have to base our decisions on her. the whole thing just makes me insecure sometimes even though my husband stands up and says he doesnt love her or care about her feelings for him anymore. We live in a very small town where everyone knows everyones business. my in laws makes our business her business. Its just a little too close for comfort. his mother still has her picture on the wall though she loves me to death. The ex is invited over to my mother in laws (where we live for the moment) ALL the time by his mother (she doesnt do it on purpose) not just holidays so she feels "included". I almost feel as if he has 2 wives w/ out the sex.

on her part. I love the kids but she does not have to be apart of everything just because they are. I dont want to hurt my mother in laws feelings so i dont get mad at her because she doesnt do it out of spite. Its the other in laws that make her apart of our personal lives. I have not asked him yet but would it be too much to ask my husband to move not just out of his moms, but to another city or town to get away from his ex?

Answer 1

Well, that's the drama you get to live with for marrying a guy who already had kids with someone else! Deal with it. Those kids SHOULD be around their mother and their father. And that woman IS the mother to your in-laws' grandchildren. Maybe people should be a little more choosey about who they impregnate/get impregnated by and, here's a concept, make sure that when they have kids it's with someone they plan to be with forever. Duh.

P.S. Lovely, and now we have advice that you should make sure YOUR son is from a broken home, too. And people wonder what is wrong with society.

P.S.S. Listen, lady, don't you DARE move those kids away from one of their parents. What the hell is wrong with you? Your husband should stay where he is and be a DAD and you should stop being so selfish.

Answer 2

This is a very difficult situation, business there are other children involved. Getting away from the situation doesn't necessarily mean getting rid of the the problem. You will be considered the one who uprooted him from his kids. My advice to you is to sit down whole heartedly and explain this to your husband on how uncomfortable this makes you feel. Maybe you guys could move to another place in the same city without having to move away so far. The reason why I am a little hesitant about moving out of town is because the family has gone to extra lengths to involve his two other kids. I mean you have to think about the other kids too in the fact that he is their father. What if the shoe was on the other foot and your child had a bond with the father and he just up and left to another town? I am not blaming you for your feelings you have every right to feel this way but I don't think your being logical in dealing with the situation. You took on a responsibility when you married him. I know divorced couples who have children that have remarried that see each other at family gatherings and they put up with it for the sake of the kids. Far as your business traveling back to her that is no ones place to be telling her that. If push come to shove then you and hubby may need to talk to the mother of the other kids to lay down the law and what is going to be expected. His loyalities only lie with the kids and not with her. And my advice to you is to work on your insecurities as well. Even though you are the wife I feel you have a deep desire to to be in the place of this ex-girlfriend as far as the family is concerned. A place you may never fill and you have to come to grips with that, I know cuz I been there. I came behind what the in-laws called a terrific girl that my husband lost. They constantly threw things up in my face about this other girl. I decided that I would not let their accusations shake me and I eventually made my own way with them and in time. And that is exactly what it is going to take here is some time. So good luck and I hope things work out.

Answer 3

Wow! If it makes you uncomfortable, then your husband needs to tell his mother exactly that. Out of respect for you, and your family, your mother-in-law should not have his ex-girlfriend's picture hanging on the wall. That is so inconsiderate. The only concern should be those 2 kids, and that is the extent of the involvement, if that is what makes you comfortable.

On that note, your mother-in-law may not care that it bothers you. If she doesn't, then perhaps you need to stay away. Your husband can check on whether or not the Ex has been invited over, before you go visit. I would highly suggest you find a new place to live. This is something that you are going to continue to resent, and it is only going to continue building.

It has to be your husband that draws the line.

Answer 4

In a small town ourselves so know what you mean :0(

He does have two kids with her, so she will be forever in your life. Though this is somewhat over board in my opinion.
Why does everyone feel sorry for her? Does she not have any family? Small towns are rather different. People do not realize this until they live in one. Our town is not even 800 people!

Is there any way of moving from your small town? It does not sound as if you are from that town? Still a outsider? Some of these people around here feel if you have not been born here and your parents and there parents one is a outsider all there time living here.

Talk to your husband about moving, maybe back to your hometown? Otherwise sorry to say but you do not want enemies in a small town.......they can make life a living hell.

Answer 5

I think you need to talk to him about how you feel and if he loves you and want's it to work he will do what it takes. It is not like you are asking him to leave his kids. You can still live close by where he can see them but you don't have to see her all the time. And as far as people saying he had kids before you should have stayed away. My husband has a daughter from a previouse relationship and I love her to death like she was mine. Also his ex was always showing up everywhere and when we had our time with his daughter she was always there. So we moved out of State because I told him I could not take it anymore. Yes I did not want to leave his daughter and he did not either but it was not like we did not keep in touch and plus the mom always found a way to not let us see her. But my point is we agreed on something together to make it work. And you can't help who you love and you don't know if you are going to be with that person forever. So you can't not have a kid with someone because the chance it might not work. And you should not stay with someone because of a child that is dumb. As long as you are in the childs life it don't matter if you are with the other parents. (that was meant for people bashing on you for being with him having other children.) If your not happy then you need to talk to him. It will only make it worse not doing anything about it. Good Luck. And I know EXACTLY how you feel.

Answer 6

WTF? Either I'm a total b.e.a.t.c.h. or you're an extremely good person. I would have taken down the F... picture of the ex from the wall, myself. No, not really, because it's your mother-in-laws's house, not yours..but I find it totally disrespectful of your mother-n-law -and your husband, who allows it- to have the ex over at her house when YOU live there. I understand the grandmother wanting to have her grandchildren there with her, but the ex? No, I don't think so... It all just sounds totally wrong. Why are you still living with her? Tell your husband to find a place where you can live on your own right away.

Answer 7

No its not too much to ask him to move. I would speak with his mother and address the issue to her. Understandably, she probably doesn't want to lose her rights to her grandchildren by not accepting their mother. However, you are the wife and she now has a grandson. Out of respect for you and her son, she should not have a relationship like she does with her. If she doesn't understand that, then you make her understand. His ex is a CLINGER.....and she's clinging on to his mother for dear life. I understand she has 2 kids by him, but she needs to have a life of her own. Why is it that she has to be around in order for the kids to see them? That's one thing you should do. You should have your husband talk to his mother. If he doesn't then you do it. One thing you don't know is that if you don't resolve this issue, it will eventually be a lot bigger than it had to be.

Don't be insecure....like you said he had 2 kids and never got married.

Answer 8

Yes it is way too much asking him to move away from his kids. You are living with his mother? I think you will find that if you were to just get out of there and move into your own place with him then things would be alot better. If you can afford to move to another town then you can afford to move to another house. You need your own space.

Answer 9

I don't think it would be wrong to ask him to move but you still have to consider the other children and make sure you guys work out visiting arrangements and a neutral pick up and drop of point these are decisions we have to face when we get into a relationship with people who already have families.....you have to do what will keep peace in your home

Answer 10

Don't move. This guy hasn't grown up yet. Wait until you have your second kid and he leaves you, then, you can move wherever you want to. Out of state, Canada, anywhere. You are the second gf to him, not his wife. He is still looking for a wife. Good Luck. The writing is on the wall. The hint is he still lives with mommy and with his gf.