I found out last year 3 days before Christmas that my husband cheated on me 7 months earlier. He begged forgiveness and promised he'd never do it again. I have never forgiven him but I'm trying to live with it. Now, after him going to his weekly pool game at a bar, he came home late, drunk and crying. He said he was crying because he's worried over his son's marriage. I called the bar and nonchalantely asked "who was the lady _____ was talking to and the bartender said "I don't know her name". So that definitely clarified that he was talking to a lady even though he denied it. After the affair before, I don't even think it's right for any man to be at a bar, drinking, and talking to other women, especially when the wife is at home thinking that he's not doing anything wrong. I did a little "homework" and found out that he lied to me about a couple of little things. I feel so broken hearted I can't stand it. I'm tired of worrying about what he's doing. Any opinions?
2007-11-07 13:01:57 · 21 answers · asked by doglover 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have been in your shoes. My first mistake was to let her stay in our house. My second mistake was trying too hard for her and not standing up strong for myself. My third mistake was not taking care of my self. I changed how I was reacting to her infidelities. I told her I no longer cared what or who she did. I started taking very good care of myself and was already making plans to move. I let it all go, for me. She then wanted to try and recover the marriage. Sometimes trying too hard and holding out hope only hurts more. You have to climb the ladder with him or without. Make him realize that your willing to live without him. He has to stop drinking, or there will be no end to his unstable behavior. BTW I have yet to forgive my wife completely for all she put me thru. You have nothing with no trust.
2007-11-07 15:06:25 · answer #1 · answered by Freddy123 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bring Fido in the house, and send hubby out to the dog house! If you need someone to agree with you about whether to take the hard road and get a divorce, you got an advocate here! I don't know why, but there are tons and tons of cheating jerks today and so far all men. Some even had the audacity to blame the affair on the wife! I'm starting to feel bad just being a guy!
2007-11-07 13:22:35 · answer #2 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many times your spouse won't tell if he is cheating. You should be able to pick up those negative vibes when certain day too day situations don't add up in your favour. It's all the small things your man does that makes the difference. Usually you can figure out if he is there for you in important times. Caring about what you feel, respecting your decisions when you make them. When he considers what makes you happy, he's there for you. If he is all these things, then I'd say he is not cheating. There should me no question in your mind about cheating. Usually your gut feeling tells the truth about what he is doing. Sorry to hear you live this way wondering what he is up too. Cocoa
2016-04-03 01:06:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say, but your marriage is really in trouble. You really need to get away from this man. Getting drunk, talking to other women at a bar and a weekly pool game after he cheated on you is really a sign that he is still a cheater. Adultry is adultry and he is doing the same things that lead to that. Take care of yourself before he ruins your life and some women comes knocking on your door telling you that your husband is the father of her child.
2007-11-07 13:10:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask yourself. You want to save the marriage.. go to counseling, with your husband. It is another way of communication. Where did you meet him? Personally a spouse that drinks is not worth staying with. Sure your hurt.. but it will pass. It is not you, he has some issues. If you have never forgiven him, there is your problem and you will be unable to move forward. If he is not trustworthy, get out of the marriage now. Hopefully there are no children in this yet.
2007-11-07 14:41:15 · answer #5 · answered by leapfrog44 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were in your shoes I would be out of there. I would not forgive infidelity. You have once but he continues to lie and do things behind your back. Can you live the rest of your life like this? Can you worry every time that he leaves about where he will go and who he will see? That is what you need to answer. Honey, you deserve so much better than you are getting. He obviously did not learn from his first mistake.
2007-11-07 13:36:48 · answer #6 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he was just charting with someone there he know and nothing serious is going on ? I think considering he has cheated before ask him if he can cancel his weekly pool/bar outings and spend some time with you instead. If he insists on going ask him to do something else where there is no booze and women.
2007-11-07 13:09:58 · answer #7 · answered by ensoman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is the most important part of a relationship. He broke this with you when he cheated on you. I personally would have left then, because I would never be able to trust him again. You decided to forgive him, so you have to move on and trust him if you want to make it work. If you can't do that, then the marriage isn't going to work.
2007-11-07 13:08:53 · answer #8 · answered by bluemonarch17 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can be honest with yourself and forgive, then that's what you should do and seek counseling for the both of you. If you can't then it's going to only get worse and he'll validate by saying that you've never forgiven him and treat him bad. Personally it seems like he is a "chronic" cheater, no cure for that.
2007-11-07 13:11:52 · answer #9 · answered by bossalinni_00 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET YOURSELF OUT NOW
your just making yourself suffer
really your hurting yourself and your not happy
why stay with him if you always have to worry
it is not worth it all
although you might "think" you still love him
really you don't
it will be better for the both of you
find a guy that cares for you and treat you right
that is what you really diserve
2007-11-07 13:07:53 · answer #10 · answered by kemonkeygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋