Every year we travel to mine and my husbands families homes for Christmas and we are sick of it.?

Question

Every year my husband and I travel to my grandparents house for Christmas brunch with my family (about a 1 hour trip south) and then turn around and travel back to my husbands familys house for Christmas dinner (about 2 hours north). We are usually pretty exhausted by the end of the day from travelling and we are so over it! So this year I suggested that everyone meet at our house for presents and then we could all go to a restaurant around our area (in the middle of everyone) and that way everyone gets to relax.
Everyone rejected this idea (because it's too expensive, or they have kids and don't want to go out).
Anyway the point is, that we are sick of soing what everyone else wants and want to have our type of Christmas this year. Is this selfish and does anyone have any other solutions?
Thanks and Happy Holidays!!

Answer 1

I'm with you, it is hard to keep the Xmas spirit when driving, and herding kids, wrangling presents and food all day.
My small family unit, Mom, Dad and I started finding buffets that were open on the holidays. Mom was too sick to cook, and I usually worked the week before, and until 11pm the night before, so my time was limited. A local chain hotel was good enough, it was filling, and it was Xmassy. We opened gifts at home. It worked for us, and it was a little more expensive than preparing the food at home, but worth it to us.
Couple things you could do about your situation, bite the bullet and go see the families, it's Xmas. Second is to do something like you did, host it yourself, go to a restaurant. Or consider doing the dinner yourself, ask for donated dishes to help you out.
Or third, opt out. Explain it is just one year, you and hubby want the holiday alone this year[I take it you do not have kids] and have special plans. You will make it up to everyone next year, by bringing extra food to each, or something.
Gee, really, you would think after they talked to you, they would have come up with the idea for one of them to host the other family and you, to cut out one step of the journey for you. It would not kill them for just one year. And they could help each other out with the food.
Can you see your way clear to host, and do the food? and call everyone back, and ask them?There are so many places now that will cook for you, and you pick it up, our groceries here all do this.
And the final suggestion, everyone take a turn at hosting, at least one round, to take the burden off of somebody each year. You could assign each family a special dish to bring [and be sure and specify that the dish has to have enough servings for everyone, boy, that one causes trouble if you don't make that rule in advance]. Our family did this, and everybody hated to come to Mom's house, it was the smallest, but it was once a year, and as I said, nobody was killed.
Good luck to you, Merry Xmas, hope something above helped.

Answer 2

If you want everyone else to be willing to come to your house, you have to be willing to host/hostess. The rule is you either cook and bake, and celebrate at home, or you travel to the home of a relative who is cooking and baking.

Christmas can't be celebrated in a restaurant, because it's a day-long event, not a couple hours. Suggesting everyone travel AND pay for their own dinner ... that's just unthinkable in my scope of reality.

If you can't cook, you can buy prepared holiday meals from the grocery store. Their food is pretty awful (all except for the turkeys.)

Everyone who celebrates Christmas is exhausted at the end of the day. The folks you've been driving to visit have been exhausted every year by all the cooking, baking, and cleaning. Basically, the only way it sounds like you can continue to participate in family celebrations of Christmas is if everyone is on-board with you trading driving for all the work.

If you don't want to make the trade, spend alternate years with each family. Lots of people do it.

Answer 3

I dont think you are being selfish at all! I had this same problem with Thanksgiving. I decided I was going to have thanksgiving at my house regardless of who did or didn't show up. So far, it is just my family, but I haven't heard from everyone. I think it is selfish of the families who expect you to travel all that way! Do your own thing, if they really miss you this year, then maybe next year they will see things a little more your way. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

Oh, you are touching a sore subject here. My family is international and about 8,000 miles span between them. I always have to get on the plane and travel to the ends of the earth. No one ever visits us. My turning point was when I went to snap off yet another dang Christmas carol on the radio. It wasn't about Rudolf or Frosty, but "Oh Holy Night" by baritone Josh Grobin.

I was getting ready for work, but I got on my knees and asked for help. Peace came upon me, and I could get through my day without too much anger. I had also had minor surgery about that time and was not happy to travel feeling not comfortable. After many hours, we got to our destination on Christmas Eve. I woke up on Christmas day, miraculously pain- free.

You need to re-shuffle your traveling for your own peace of mind. Tell one side that you will be there for Christmas Eve dinner, and the other that you will be there Christmas Day.

Also, if you can afford it, stay in a motel or hotel for those nights. Tell them to make that your Christmas gift. You need a rest, my dear. It is time that people pony up to your needs.

Answer 5

Spend Thanksgiving with one set of relatives and Christmas with the other. Alternate the order every year and everybody (except the one you miss on Christmas day) will be happy.

For the one you do not spend Christmas with, see them the weekend before Christmas and exchange your gifts, if applicable, then.

Answer 6

Split the holidays up a little. Do one family on Christmas Eve, the other on Christ,mas day.
Or, do Thanksgiving at one & Christmas at the other, and switch the next year.

Or even tell them you want the holidays alone this yerar...and you'll see them NEXT holiday season.

Answer 7

Tell them that you guys are ready to start some traditions of your own & that they are more than welcome to join you if they'd like to. You understand that some people have children they don't wish to transport & that it may be too expensive for some people. And in turn you hope they understand how expensive & taxing it is for you guys to be in two places every Xmas. And that you hope they remember & understand what it's like to be a young couple who are anxious to begin some of their own traditions.