should i give my son my boyfriend's last name?

Question

well, i am going to have a baby in 2/08, and i dont know if i should give my son my boyfriend's last name.

i know we will get married, but i am NOT taking my boyfriend's last name, so i dont know if it will be easier to give our son my boyfriend's last name or my last name--what do you think?

i am not taking his last name because i do not believe in that tradition; i do not believe that my husband owns me just because we're married.

anywho, ,my boyfriend already knows i'm not taking his last name, and he said it is my choice whether or not our son takes his last name. i dont really know what to do. i'm trying to put my shoes in my son's place, and come up with an answer, but i cant seem to think of one.

also, we're thinking of the name trent for our son, and i'm wondering if i should pick the last name based on what sounds better with trent.

what i decided to do: me and my boyfriend have already discussed, prior to my pregnancy, only have one child, thus i am going to give our son his last name so his legacy can live on; i have a 1 brother, so my last name will live on too. also, my b/f's last name sounds better with trent. i dont want hypenate because it's just too many names and when our son gets married i want him to have to chose a last name and such...too many last names. also, traditionally women were given men's last name because:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names#Use_husband.27s_family_name (read: use of husband's last name) i do not agree with this tradition, thus i will not take my future husband's last name and he understands and is supportive.
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Answer 1

I gave my son my boyfriend last name and have had no regrets. It's all personal choice. My family was mad that I didn't have the same last name as my son but It has never bothered me at all.

Answer 2

There is an old-fashioned custom that was common in the nineteenth century of giving a son a hyphenated last name comprised of the mother's last name and then the father's last name, especially if the child was from a socially important family.

This is now coming back into use, to acknowledge BOTH families as having equal stake in the children. (Of course, that may not result in a short enough name. Two really long last names together would be awkward.)

Example: Trent William Ellison-Jones.

Another old custom coming back into style is use of the mother's maiden name as the child's middle name. However, the maiden name should sound reasonably good with the first and last names, rather like a middle name.

Example: Trent Baker Jackson (so, no hyphen needed and his middle name is your maiden name).

Good luck with your choices and congratulations on the upcoming birth!

Answer 3

Well, first off--I want to address the idea that taking a husband's last name means he "owns" you.

I don't think any woman (or rather very few women) subscribe to that notion. None of my friend have kept their maiden and none of them feel as though they are fulfilling a sexist tradition. I consider myself a very independent and capable woman and so I have to say I take exception to the notion that women who have taken their husband's names have "sold out".

Simply because the history of something is rooted in a belief that you don't like doesn't mean that you can't incorporate it into your own life for a DIFFFERENT reason.

For example, I don't think that we should "celebrate" the massacre of hundreds of thousands of indians and the wrongful conquest of land on the basis of race and religion...but I still cook a turkey every fourth thursday in November--why?? Because I want to gather around the table with my friends and family and "give thanks" for our many many blessings. I will teach my children that we will pay respects to those that suffered during the building of this nation on that day...and I will also use it as an opportunity to let them know that they should always seek to educate themselves and learn everything they can about something before they formulate an opinion.

But back to your question...under the theory that name follows ownership, you are wondering who should have TITLE to your child...doesn't that feel a little uncomfortable...?

I am not trying to be offensive--really, I'm not...so, here's the answer you will probably prefer...hyphenate his last name...your last name first, then his last name. Chances are, he will end up picking one over the other for the sake of simplicity...and certainly when he gets married he will pick one over the other...

But, in my book, I think it is important for children to feel like their family is one, solid unit. Why should you have a different last name than your son? Is he any more his father's child than yours? Or vice verse...

An alternative is you can create a last name together. Buck the system altogether...Splice your last names together or combine them and create a new last name for your family. I have a friend who did that and it works well. Example: Green and Smith become Greensmith or Jones and Moore become Jonesmoore, Jackson and Alexander becomes Aleckson or Xanderson (-ander from the alexander, and -son from the Jackson--throw an "x" on for some flair) something....

Congrats on the baby and best wishes in the future.

Answer 4

I raised My Son ( now 24) as a single parent. I gave him my last name. If I had married his father, I would have changed the name or hyphened the name like Pete Smith-Jones for example. We never married and parted ways shortly after the baby was born. He grew up with my last name and still has it to this day. It has never been a question of who his father was, but My son is proud to be a ____ (My last name) and that's all that ever mattered.
You're welcome to give him his last name, but if you should break up or never marry, your child will go through life with a name different than yours and alot of kids are cruel when they find something to pick on another child about, a different name could be one of those things.
Good Luck

Answer 5

From having a few friends, sister and a sister-in-law who are all married with kids, and didn't take the last name of their partner - they have all said they regret it!!! You are always questioned, at day-care, at school, at the doctors. My friend said it really hurts when people say "and who are you?" and you say that you're their mother. Also, I think that taking your husbands name isn't about ownership, it's about letting everyone else know that you are all a family. Maybe ask him if he wants to take your surname??? It's happening more often these days! Otherwise, maybe a hyphen? or get your children to take your name if you're gonna be the one at home with them, taking them to the doctor, school, daycare etc....

Answer 6

Give him both. Not necessarily hyphenated but if your last name doesn't lend well as a middle name then just give him two last names. One day your son may ask why he wasn't good enough to have his dads last name - or not. Either way he may want to have a piece of both of you in more ways than just DNA.

Answer 7

Typically, it's traditional that the child bears the surname of the father. But, we are in a society that's a little more "hip" or accentric, non-traditional. I would do what your gut feeling tells you to do. I would advise that you respond to your gut and don't base it on whether you're married to this guy.

Answer 8

I think that if you are planning to marry or even to live together as a family, all children should have the fathers name. you do what you want with your name. if you are going to be a single mom, the kid should have your name

Answer 9

I think a child should have the fathers name,and if you do get married what is wrong with giving him his name,,,or simply make it 2 surnames yours n then his xxx

Answer 10

If your not married he should have your last name.