Too late for rhymes
a weary voice across the line
vaults like shattering glass
flying off and piercing fast
right across a gutless spine
a crumpled piece of dirty sheet
crammed full of striked out lines
in the basket landing on its feet
where there's no need for rhymes
a bitterpill fearlessly swallowed
a wry smile from a pith now hallowed
tired eyes closed yet drawn to weep
though the sweetest wail be whispered in sleep...
2007-11-07 11:57:03 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I especially like your last stanza, but I'm not sure if "pith now hallowed" is what you really want to say; the rhyme seems a little forced. Perhaps with another cup of coffee you can find a more comprehensible expression. Also, there's a plethora of imagery in this one, so maybe the lack of coffee is a good thing!!
2007-11-07 23:50:58 · answer #1 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is so beautifully wrought. The choice of words, the flow the rhymes are all exquisite. I love poetry that is a bit dark and I had to read this twice straight through because I enjoyed it so much.
2007-11-07 20:44:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Morning? It's 5:28 PM where I am... lol
If you put that to music, it could make the best emo song ever!! Like, some heavy metal á la Nightwish! It's cool!
2007-11-07 20:28:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice. I like how the rhyme scheme changes every stanza. I'm assuming that was intended. :]
2007-11-07 21:44:35 · answer #4 · answered by ♫Kelsey♫ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
Thanks for Asking ! RR
2007-11-07 20:00:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
that's an awesome poem, really deep-feeling. keep writing :)
2007-11-07 20:16:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋