My husband's deployed, and nothing works?

Question

I've just gotten through a little more than a month of deployment.

To start out, I hate the war. My husband and I both hate the army. We hate the way of life. We regret that he signed a contract to be in the army. Worst decision we could have made.

But I love him, immensely, I have no interest in leaving him, and he is quitting the armed services for good at the end of the contract. For now, I have 14 months of being on my own. I'm a pre-med student. I have a lot to do. But everything I do, everywhere I go, I hate my life. I hate coming home to no one. I hate waking in the morning. I hate breathing. I rarely smile, and when I do, it's empty and meaningless. I have plenty of activities. I try to talk to friends. I try to be positive. I try and try and try EVERYTHING and I HATE MY LIFE. By the end of this deployment my soul will be drained dry from despair. I never had a family (not even as a kid) before I had my husband, and I realize it's all that counts.

What the hell do I do now?

He IS deployed to Iraq, thank you very much.

He IS deployed to Iraq, thank you very much.

Both my husband and I feel our sacrifices are worthless, by the way, because the war in Iraq is pointless. I grieve for every person who has died for this unjust cause, and for all the personal sacrifices made for a president deaf to his people.

Answer 1

You need to get your self a puppy.
They love you no matter what, there loyal, when you wake up, guess who will be peering into your eyes, puppy love. Go to SPCA. That puppy is waiting for you.
~God bless~

Answer 2

First of all, suck it up and start thinking about your husband instead of yourself. You may never have had a family before, but now you do, and it isn't all about you, anymore. Instead of holding your own private pity party, you should think about how hard this is on your husband, without all your wailing and moaning. The man is filling his commitment to the nation; why don't you fill your commitment to him? Start looking at your daily routine as a preparation for your life together when he gets back home. Pay attention to your classes; be the best student that you can be. I can assure you, your husband is being the best soldier he can be because his life and the lives of his comrades depend upon it. Use the time alone to do some self improvement...loofah every square inch of your body with your bath; sleek down; get a facial....knock his socks off when he gets home. Set a goal. Get a purpose. Save "X" amount of dollars so you two can have a little getaway when he gets home. Get a pet; find something to take care of.
This isn't meant to be harsh. I speak from long experience as a Navy wife. The last thing a man needs is to think that their woman is discontent...now, more than when I was there, because now they are truly in harm's way and do not need to be distracted by a dissatisfied wife. Good luck to you and your husband. May he come home safe and sound.

Answer 3

Aia, there is light at the end of the tunnel. You have your focus on the wrong things that are consuming the kind and loving person you are underneath all the hatred you have. I don't think you will make it by the end of his deployment, you will have nothing left. Take a moment and set some goals for what you want to have done by the time he comes back to you. A simple goal would be like losing unwanted weight, or making yourself a better person. Working on your character and personality, those are life changing experiences to go through. Waking up in the morning knowing that this day is one less day for my hubby to come back. Take that negative energy you got and turn it around. Your husband is worth the change. Stop hating your life and love that God gave you another chance to be with him.

Sometimes we get out of sink with what we need to do and we need people like me to refocus you in what you need to do. Bottom line here is that you want your husband to come back to someone better than when he left.

I am very proud of what your husband is doing for our country and what you will do when he gets back to you. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I agree with the war being pointless. All you need to do is find something to make you happy each day. Getting a puppy is not a bad idea or kitten. But you have to keep them when your hubby gets back. Just try to focus on the good stuff in your life. Happiness comes from within. If you only focus on negativity then you will see more of that. Focus on things that make you happy, and you will be suprised how much your emotions change for that day and even your whole life.

Answer 5

the positive thing is that at least you know for sure that he is coming home to be with you. My fiance is over there right now, and there is a lot of uncertainty in our relationship. It will have been 15 months out of my life waiting for him by the time he returns in April. I was going to leave him after I found out that he was trying to pick up other girls online. But he said he would die without me and his mom said he's just lonely and immature so I decided that I will be here for him when he returns. Just remember, you know his heart is yours and yours is his, that should help you feel on top of the world. I feel the same way you do, I am so depressed that if it weren't for my daughter, I would not want to get out of bed. But I only got 6 months more to go and then I'll know where my life will be going next. Hang in there and support him and the cause, we are lucky to be able to at least go to the store and buy a bottle of wine whenever we feel like it cause we live in a free country!

Answer 6

Deployments are the hardest things in the world to get through. My husband is in the Air Force. When he goes anywhere its tough to get through. The first month is always the worse, but once you make it through that it actually gets easier. Well as easy as it can. I love military life style and am sorry to hear you are so miserable. How long have you been in? Maybe after some adjusting to it you'll have a different opinion on it? Then again maybe not, but you just need to hold on and use the support groups out there for you. There is others going through the same thing right now reach out to them that's what the groups and support agencies are there for.

It will be easier then you think I mean pre-med you have to be busy and staying busy will make the time go by faster. I know its hard to stay positive our first base was in Italy we were 21 and first time away from family it was the hardest year ever I was miserable myself, but after a year or so I adjusted and it got better.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Join a support group for Army wives or military wives.
Remember that no matter what you are going through, you are not alone. Others feel the same way and are struggling with the same problem.
Perhaps you can join a newsgroup on that subject, and be in contact and even chat online with other women of the same stripe.
You want a family life. Brighten your days by planning that family...when your hubby gets home. You need to make your own family.
Take a closer walk with Jesus Christ.

Answer 8

Your sadness is quite apparent, but let me quote from your statement "By the end of this deployment my soul will be drained dry from despair." At the end of your husband's deployment, won't there be a burst of energy, and joy? Is he is the most positive thing that has ever happened in your life, not to mention that he is coming home alive, doesn't this bring excitement knowing this day is coming?

Answer 9

Try being me..i'm married to the military as well...I'm 20 years old..and my husband is in the Navy..he volunteered to go IA over in Iraq for 15 months..so I know what you are going through..it sucks even more for me..because right now i'm living with cancer..and him not being home makes the stress of life even harder..I know it's hard..and at times we just want to quit and ask ourselves..why do i we put ourselves through this torture day in and day out..the answer is because we love the person and we have to sometimes sacrafice things..I know all about the hide a smile..and pretend to the rest of the world that we are happy..when deep down we are miserable and just want to give up completely.. we have to keep ourselves busy to keep our minds off them..but just just think of how much your husband loves you..and how it will all be worth it in the end..that which does not kill us..only makes you stronger..not many women can put them selves in our shoes..because most of them aren't as strong..and can't handle the deployments..just remember that when you got married..not only did you sign a contract of till death do you part..you signed your life away to the army..so you knew what you were getting into from the very beginning..everything happens for a reason though..if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to IM [e-mail]...i could defenitely use someone to talk to as well..good luck with everything though..i wish you the best

Answer 10

I suggest that you take advantage of the military services available to you. You should call the nearest military medical facility and go talk to someone. You can even call the Army Family Center. They have people that you can talk to. You really need to get help. Deployments are hard (I've been deployed three times) but you are taking it very hard. Hope everything works out.

Answer 11

I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time with the army and his deployment. i am on the other side i guess. i am very understanding and supportive of my man, his service, his deployments, many many of them in 19 1/2 yrs of service. military life is not for everyone. it is very different and difficult. mine just left a month ago for Iraq again as well and i am home for i dont know how long without him (his MOS sends him on missions, we dont get a time frame, its when the mission is complete, 8-24 months most times) it is hard to be positive, i know. i cry at night and get up the next day and tell myself im gonna do this one more day, i never tell myself its easy. when he gets, you wont be drained, the feeling that when you see him again will be like none you have ever felt before. hang in there, again, im sorry this is so difficult for you! my prayers will be with you, good luck and God bless!
if you would like, you can always reach me @ [e-mail] on yahoo messenger