I've been seriously dating this guy for 7 months and we both have strong feelings for each other. The problem is that he'll be moving across the country in a few months to pursue his career and doesnt think its a good idea for us to stay together. So, about a month ago he broke up with me to spare the heartache that will come when it comes time for him to leave. I can't move with him because I'm still young, in college, and have my own career path to take. For now he wants to be in contact with me and probably friends with benefits, since we still have feelings for each other. Morally I'm against it but emotionally I want it. I really do love him and I can't stand just not talking to him anymore. What do you think? Answers appreciated!
2007-11-07 11:13:36 · 13 answers · asked by Aurora 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you think you can handle the adjustment, why not? You're probably going to spend the next few months dealing emotionally with the break-up anyway. You can do it with him, or do it without him. If you do it with him, it'll be bittersweet, but bittersweet experiences aren't necessarily bad. Think about how you'll look back on it at the end of your life--will you be happy or sad that you did it? There's where your answer is.
2007-11-07 11:51:39 · answer #1 · answered by grizzie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I personally believe that long distance relationship do not work and I also do not believe with "friends with benefits". I mean...how does that work? Especially in your case, now that he's moving across the country. What would you call your relationship? A "long distance friends with benefits" relationship. It really doesn't make sense at all. You are attracted to each other yet there's no feelings? I don't get it?! To add insult to injury, he's miles away.
You see, when we talk of friendship, it should be platonic and SHOULD stay as it is. We give something to a friend because we choose to do it out of our own free will and expect nothing in return. But if you're this "friend" who expects something in return, then you are a(forgive the word) user. An opportunist. Taking advantage of your "friendship" to gain something in return. In your case, you would be the "willing victim" of this "friends with benefits" thing which I hope would not be the case. Because if you chose to be one, you would end up to be the biggest loser of all this.
Do yourself a favor. Spare yourself of the heartache and the emotional distress this situation would bring you. I would suggest that you talk to him. Tell him that "if you wanted for us to be friends, then let's be friends...WITHOUT benefits". Tell him also that you love him but you don't want to be the object of his friends with benefit thing. It just wouldn't work out with you. However, it is still up for you to choose and make the final decision. I just hope that I bought in some issues that you might consider and think about before you make a choice.
Stay strong. Think clearly. Wish you the best. Goodluck.
2007-11-07 12:08:41 · answer #2 · answered by Zed23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FWB is a bad idea. It sounds like he made the break for his own reasons- perhaps to move on. By doing so, he gave himself the opportunity to find someone new but, if he doesnt, he might still have the old (you) as FWB. That cheapens your relationship. I say move on and tell him good bye. You can be freinds - sans the benefits part. Its too sticky - you will have a hard time with your feelings and wont be able to have a life of your own. Trust me! Been there. If it was meant to be, you will end up together in the future. Good luck!
2007-11-07 11:52:56 · answer #3 · answered by Ana Bella 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you do, you will regret it, if not now, at some time in the future. If this relationship is good, once you finish school you can always move to be with him or he with you but depending upon what you are going to school for, once you are done with that you will find that you have a whole new life, new friends, and new priorities. In friends with benefits, no matter how careful you are there is always the chance of pregnancy so you have to ask how having a baby would interfere with your future plans and whether that is worth risking. then, if the condom leaks, you have to worry about how you will explain a baby to some other man in your future. For that matter will you be able to be friends with benefits now, break up when he leaves, and be able to have a successful relationship with a new man in the future? Will he be able to do that with a new girl?
In his case, if you did become pregnant, how would he explain paying child support to a new love interest.
the benefits may last only a matter of hours but the after effects could last for years, In my opinion, no matter how small the chance of an accidental pregnancy, it simply is not worth taking the chance.
2007-11-07 11:51:31 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Friends with benefits are just two people that find each other attractive but have no deep feeling for each other. You need to think about you and remember that if you have feeling for him every time you have sex with him is your feelings are going to grow and it will be very difficult to let him go in the future. Just forget about him and concentrate in your career path, I'm sure you'll find some one else soon.
2007-11-07 11:59:23 · answer #5 · answered by thebrick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, I think it's a bad idea. FWB is ok when you DON'T have strong feelings for each other - maybe you are compatible, but you don't see each other as someone you'd want to be with long-term. But with "feelings", you will only be prolonging the heart-ache, and it can be very destructive. I would strongly recommend to break it off and start over with someone else.
2007-11-07 11:21:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do what you think is right, but, I would say that you should just be friends without benefits, because when the time comes that you're done with school, then you might be able to rekindle your relationship with him moreso than if you were to be sex partners.
2007-11-07 13:13:00 · answer #7 · answered by matt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that being young you are setting yourself for a whole world of heart break you still like this guy so when your benificial friends and he starts dating some girl regularly and drops you like a hot stone your going to feel used alone and not good enough. you'll find someone that loves and respects you
2007-11-07 11:20:11 · answer #8 · answered by sarah W 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
friends with benefits is really nice, but if you're not getting what you want from the relationship then you shouldn't short change yourself. It's not fair. and let him know that. Good luck
2007-11-07 11:19:55 · answer #9 · answered by brandyswilkes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Clean break. If you love him, its gonna hurt. The thing is, does he love you enough to stay after being cut off? If not, you've lost nothing, if so, you get to keep him.
2007-11-07 11:20:19 · answer #10 · answered by flowerandkevin 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋