I am not attracted to my wife anymore?

Question

I still love my wife, but I am not attracted to her anymore she has put on a lot of weight but she is trying to loose it but it is not comming off, we have a lot invested in our marriage 2 kids and alot of memories, but I just don't have that attraction that I used to have for her, I wnat nothing more than to feel the way I felt about her when I was attracted to her, I just can't help it I find overweight people unattractive, I try to keep my self in shapre for her eyes and treat her the way I would want to be treated should I stay or go?

Answer 1

Are you really considering leaving her just because she put on some pounds?Just because you are not attracted to her now doesn't mean you never will be again.Don't you love her for any other reasons other than looks?,Didn't you take wedding vows?What if something happened that made you unattractive. wouldn't you hope your wife would still stand by your side regardless?YOU ARE BEING SHALLOW.

Answer 2

Wow, you should stay and try to change your perception. Try reading "Body Wars" by Margo Maine. It should get you started. If she is trying to lose weight, that's all she can do. Make sure she is doing it through exercise so it stays off. Lack of attraction is not a reason to leave. It's Til Death Do You Part, not, until you get uglier. Don't go for greener pastures, it's wrong and shallow. I understand that it's hard, but you may just have to suffer the dry spell like the rest of us celibate people. If you leave her, you're just not right man, and you know it.

I'm sure you have addressed the issue with her. Get her a makeover, a trainer, or to see a doctor. If it's medical, see what they have in the drug department. In the meantime, your tastes CAN be changed with time and effort. See if you can work at seeing her as attractive for her face, personality, vitality, or female parts. She has big boobs, right?

Answer 3

Well, there are plenty of reasons why the weight isn't coming off for her. Is she working out or just not eating? If she's feeling pressure to lose weight by you and isn't eating at all, then she's slowing down her metabolism, which isn't going to help the situation at all.

Treating someone the way you want to be treated doesn't always work because they can't read your mind as to what you want out of them. If you're treating her like you'd want to be treated, who's to say that that's the way she wants to be treated? You'd have to find out what she would like first, right?

But if you're not attracted to her, do you still love her? Because there comes a time in every marriage where you're not attracted to each other after years of being together. I think that's natural and you'd have to both work to get even a sliver of that attraction back into your lives.

I don't blame you for not being attracted to overweight people. But a marriage isn't just about attraction, it's based on so much more! If you're not willing to have sex with her beause you're not attracted, is there any problem with you two having a marriage of convenience where you essentially just share the bills and take care of the kids together?

Answer 4

I don't understand why you would go if you say that she's trying to lose it...she's trying! To me that says that she's wanting to be the woman that you were attracted to. Sometimes it takes some time to see the effects of diet and/or exercise, it depends completely on that person. Why would you up and leave everything now? You seem like you love your wife...so you should stick it out, help her out, and give her the incentive to get back to that smaller woman she was. Now if you're simply using her weight gain as an excuse to go, then go. No sense in her working to be the woman you enjoy looking at if you're still going to be unattracted to her in the long run.

Answer 5

I would hope that you did not marry your wife based soley on what she looks like. That is not love. It's wonderful that you workout and keep yourself inshape, but understand that after having babies it's so freaking hard to lose weight. She is most likely struggling on the inside with how she looks and it's wonderful to know that she is trying to lose the weight. Some woman don't care about their looks and if they gain weight. If your wife is trying to loose it, it shows that she cares. This is a shallow question...your beautiful wife carried your children for nine months and consequently gave up control of her body. You should love her because of who she is and not because of what she may look like at this moment.

Marriage is a commitment that you make for a lifetime. I hope that yall can work this out.

Answer 6

You can ask your wife if there's anything you can do to help her get healthy again.

Tell her you know how hard it is to get motivated and find time to exercise and take care of herself with 2 children.

Then ask her if she'd like you to join her in a family exercise program.

Letting her know you care about her health because you want her to be around for a long time for you and the children will be better than talking about not finding her attractive.

Answer 7

Sounds like an excuse to move on...she gave up her body to have your two kids and you decide that you aren't attracted to her anymore? Marriage is not based on looks, it takes sacrifices. I'm guessing you've been married for about 7 yrs? The usual time time that a marriage either makes it or breaks.

Answer 8

This is a bit like asking if she should leave if you get a beer gut, or go bald. Keep in mind - she had two kids. Every female on the planet (or at least in Yahoo Answers) can tell you that getting weight off after kids is roughly as difficult as growing a third eye on your forehead.
You would do well to continue doing what you mentioned - treat her the way you want to be treated. Stay put and keep loving your wife and the mother of your children!

Answer 9

you are placing too much value on the outside of your wife and not enough on the inside.
People change over the yrs, some gain, some lose, some bald, or get wrinkles or Grey hair- all this doesn't matter if you really truly LOVE someone. Take a damn look in the mirror and see what stares back at you.
Also you took vows for better and for worse!

Answer 10

When you enter into a marriage usually LOVE plays a big part in that. I understand that woman change and so do men. You have to be more understanding and help support her on her weight loss. I hope she is not losing weight for YOU. Her weight loss should be based on her doing it for HERSELF. How would you feel if she lost interest in you because of a flaw you developed over the marriage? You would probably be hurt. Maybe you really don't love her as much as you think you do. Try communicating to her your feelings and don't leave her in the dark because that will hurt everyone in the end. Good luck!