Guy looking for advice on crazy woman behavior..?

Question

I am married and my wife and I are having problems. The current issue tends to be that she feels "smothered" but I hardlly ever talk to her because she is avoiding me or does things to keep her busy. So now that she has pretty much told me to BACK UP I am moving on and finding other things to do and basically being as *** because my feelings are hurt but she is loving it and has even hinted that men should "play hard to get like you don't love a woman or that you don't care and then you would be more interesting" WTF!? If I continue to be a distant, irritable guy and it turns her on.. How is this supposed to work. I am quiet with my emotional wall up and she is looking at me lovingly. When I respond with warm conversation she acts like a so-and-so. I get mad again and put some distance between her and I and she can't wait until I return home.. to ignore her basically but when I enjoy the moment with her it turns her off.. WTF #2?

We are on the borderline of divorce because of some of her issues with honesty etc. but this is bizzare and I don't like it. Maybe she feels that she has to earn love or conversely she likes a challenge to manipulate me out of a bad mood and when I am out of that bad mood she is turned off because now I will want to "talk her to death and be all around her and stuff crowding her space". I am not a "space crowder" I am the "how was your day" kinda guy and we might talk for an hour or so and then go to what we were doing. She seems to like contact with me in 2 minute doses unless she is talking. The stuff she talks about often bores me but I am polite but she is just rude with her lack of interest. Any female insight?

She is kinda acting like a 14 year old girl. The same games I played in high school to get girls attention. Talk briefly and then leave. Ignore her until she talked to me first but leave before the conversation got boring. Wait until she wants to talk to me and make her wait and maybe even flake on her to increase her interest etc.. All of this is stuff I did as a kid. I am 30, I want a mature woman who can just be upfront and tell me whats on her mind. I hate all of these games. What if I made her play a guessing game of if I really love her or not or if I am coming home tonight or not.. That's not cool and her games are tiresome but if I confronted her with it she would say i was crazy and no matter how much proof or patterns I show her she will have a seperate excuse for all of them and maybe apologize a year later for denying what i said was true but she will argue me to the end of our marriage that she is right. BTW, I am not controlling. Just want things to be harmonious.

She is about 25 now soon to be 26. Her father was stern, distant and disconnected. She has never had a connected, positive, engaged male in her life that was right there with her. She seemed to avoid relationships on campus while she was in college and then she started a string of long distance relationships, some that overlapped each other and some that overlapped our marriage. Of course in these relationships the digital roses sent are always in bloom, these guys always know the right things to say even if it is not sincere and I think she felt comfortable with the distance. She thinks "I" have a problem with wanting to be with her but she is my wife. I see her for 2 waking hours a day and for that 1 hr and 48 minutes she seems to be busying herself on the computer, zoning out watching TV or walking around the house avoiding eye contact. For about 12 minutes she listens with a glazed over look is in her eye. We have gone out and it seems to be all about HER. Not a 2-way street.

Answer 1

If I were you Id leave you got married to be happy and you are obviously not.... who´s to blame doesn't matter anymore.

Answer 2

Honestly, this sounds like something I went through in high school. I hated guys that showed too much interest and were clingy. That said, that mentally ended for ME when I was about 25. Then I started appreciating interest. I agree with Chris to an extent, it sounds like she may have had some issues in childhood that cause her to feel more comfortable with a more stern, distant, neglecting guy. Have you always been the way you are with her...before you got married did you act the same as far as nice and interested?? I don't quite understand why she has changed her attitude. It could be that she is getting restless and "too comfortable" but you being mean should not be the answer...it's not working out for you. You can suggest counseling, that would be a start. If she denies you that there's not much more you can do. Good luck.

Answer 3

You figured out the most difficult part--women are difficult! Just when you think you've figured us out, we give you another challenge. Could be that she's just tired of living the same old day-to-day life. Even though most women would appreciate a husband who wants to know what's going on with your day, that doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do with your wife. We're all different. and when we tell you what we want, sometimes 10 minutes later we want and need something totally different. We get hurt if you can't tell exactly what we need when we need it. We're much more complicated than men.

I would just play her little game if I were you. Just let her come to you. Then she might complain, "How come you don't love me anymore?" There's no one right answer to this.

Answer 4

It sounds to me like she likes aan *** for a husband instead of a truly nice gentle guy. Someone just feel they need a source of danger or intrigue just to stay in a marriage. I think you have to get into some profeesional counselling and have the counselloer ask her why she needs you to be this way. She married you for you the last thing she should be doing is trying to change you after your married. I think really if she wnated someone like this she should have kept looking tell
her this is not the kind of guy you are and if she wants that kind of guy there is no other response then getting a divorce.

Why continue this escapade if all it is doing is making you confused and well pissed off and lonely.

God Bless and Best Wishes.

Answer 5

Are you serious? Have you read your question? You arent as independent as you think you are then. You are needy. If you cant see what this man is.. that he doesnt even love you... then not only are you needy you are self destructive and should seek help immediately. Do you love yourself any at all? Respect yourself. You think you are rising but you are still clinging to a ghetto mentallity where the cops bnecome your most frequent visitors. Do you not deserve a man who loves and respects you? Do you? Then work on it. Shed the baggage. Its not love you are feeling. You are in love with love not him.

Answer 6

Either talk to her or write her a letter if she is hard to talk express your feelings and if you want things to work out suggest her soutions to this problems if not i will suggest you to move on there is no need to live under the same roof with even talking to each other.. A marriage is a thing of 2 to solve problems when they are good or bad..

Answer 7

No, you don't play hard to get or get mad or withdraw nor be a martyr.

You love her, court her, admire her, and charm her!!! Call her darling, sweetheart, babydoll, princess, and introduce her everywhere as Miss Universe or My Beloved Bride. Rub her neck for her or her feet - bring some joy home with you. She may be suspicious at first, but keep it up If you cannot win her over, insist on counseling.

Joy to you!!!

If

Answer 8

Women can be very frustrating some times. I generally don't put up with it, and if it is something that continues, I just move on. Life is way too short to live with a *****. You must make your own decisions, hope it works out for you.

Answer 9

Sounds like she needs some serious counseling.May be something in her youth has taught that someone to close is scary.If this is her idea of kinky then tell her she needs a different playing stratergy, before you have to look for a new game.Talkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Answer 10

Prayer there is to much chaos there for a husband & wife speak with your clergy..Read your vows again and analyze if it was just true for that moment or did you both mean it..God bless you have my prayers... God nevers gives to much to bare..