Because my ex was giving me so much trouble during the divorce suit, I caved and allowed for joint legal custody. Now, I seriously regret it because he has violated the parenting agreement on so many levels, hardly ever sees his daughter, and harasses me constantly, esp. in front of her! It really bothers me that he started a fight that he got physical with me in front of her, so now she always says "Mama mad. Dada bad. Dada hurt mama arm." And that happened weeks ago and she still brings it up! We were teaching her about police and how they take away the bad people. My mom asked "Who's bad?" to see what she would say (expecting people who hurt or are mean as responses) but she automatically says "Dada. Dada bad." He is always swearing and blows it off like she's not going to pick things up, but she's 2 1/2! I am at my wits end. My lawyer never gets back to me, either. What can I do? What SHOULD I do?
2007-11-07 09:35:26 · 10 answers · asked by nancydeanna 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thing is . . . I am usually against full custody, especially when it comes to children. They need both parents . . . and that is my stand on this. . . . which is why I am for Shared Custody.
But, if what you state is true . . . then you have grounds on reducing his joint status.
Domestic Violence is a serious crime against all victims and their children. If he did start an actual fight, where he hurt you . . . you should be able to retain a restraining order against him.
Document everything . . . when he instigated or you, document it. The harassment, what was it about. You don't need to tell me (I am not a lawyer), but contact a family or domestic violence attorney. I wouldn't go with full custody, unless it is absolutely necessary . . . but maybe reduce the joint custody by percentages. Add supervised visitation . . .
Thing is, even though he is an a*hole, don't cut him completely off from his child. She needs him too . . . I know it is a difficult time . . . but things could be worked out.
Thing is, I don't know what were the reasons for your divorce, was it because of his violent nature or other reason. Since you have custodial custody of your child, you also get child support. He may be upset and irate about that, along with possible alimony. So he harasses you and don't pick up his daughter when he should . . . . thinking he is punishing you with the later, when in fact he is hurting his daughter . . . and she knows it.
I could tell you want your daughter to still have a loving relationship with her father . . . "I am at my wits end." But you are slightly afraid of his attitude and what affect it may have on both your daughters.
Maybe some counseling may help . . . but I don't know. But you need to talk with someone with legal experience. I could give you my opinion . . . which is to talk with your ex-, but from what I could tell . . . he don't want to talk, but argue and fight. So get someone from Family/Domestic Violence to open a dialog for you. It may cause a little more hassel . . . but it may help.
2007-11-15 07:59:41 · answer #1 · answered by Tag Your It 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must document everything and every incident. This is so important. keep a log of everything that is said and exchanged between you so that you have evidence. You must also make police reports and have witnesses. Then you petition the court for full custody and bring in the evidence and plead your case to the judge. You don't necessarily need a lawyer to do this either. You can file all of the paperwork yourself and then represent yourself, but if you don't document things, then it is basically your word against his. Proof is what matters. NO proof equals no case. Good luck. I am speaking from experience, and I got complete custody of my kids too. You have to make a reason why he shouldn't share in joint custody
2007-11-07 09:41:14 · answer #2 · answered by ?? yaddajean ?? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course he still pays support. Support is calculated based on the percentages of time the child is 'physically' cared for by each parent, after taking into account their relative incomes. If the child were to be *physically* in your custody 100% of the time, he'd pay full support. That support would be reduced proportionally to the amount of time he has the child. Richard
2016-05-28 08:05:54 · answer #3 · answered by mayra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even with joint custody, one parent is declared 'residential custodian'. Did the court declare you this? If so, you can determine his visitation rights. With his mouth, even a public defender can get every other weekend, supervised visitation...and a 100ft restraining order on the side for you. I have custody of my oldest son, email me... me and you emailled a few times back in the day. ;)
2007-11-08 11:49:19 · answer #4 · answered by SecundzNotis 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can still get full custody if you can prove that he is not a good parent. Keep a journal and write down everything that happens. What time he picked her up, what time he brought her home and everything else.Keep the journal and he will hang himself eventually and you will have it all documented.
2007-11-07 09:44:14 · answer #5 · answered by Alex 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get a lawyer. Sounds like you have a case.
2007-11-07 09:38:06 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to find a different lawyer. you need to keep a diary of the things going on. easier to remember things. it may be hard but you have to prove that he is bad. it took me a year and a diary to prove that my kids mother should not have placement.
2007-11-07 09:42:56 · answer #7 · answered by tinytim alone 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
that's a tough one. it looks like things have worked out for you, though. you have a happy family now, just got to pick up the pieces.
2007-11-07 09:38:28 · answer #8 · answered by Eleanor Roosevelt 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this is why god made lawyers. you need one now.
2007-11-07 09:38:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
BASICALLY.. YOU HAVE TO TAKE UR EX TO COURT..AND IF HE AGREES WITH IT... HE WILL HAVE TO SIGN SAYING HE IS GIVING UP HIS RIGHTS
2007-11-07 09:38:45 · answer #10 · answered by sweettexasgurl07 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋