Should I be offended if we were ttc before we split & now that we're back together he doesnt want to?

Question

Before me and my hubby split up we were ttc to no avail for a little over a year.
We split up for about a month and a half, but we have been back together for about a month now.
Last night he told me that he doesnt want me to get pregnant for "my sake" cause I just started college. I'll only be doing 2 years and idk what my plans are (college wise) after I get my degree at this college.
but going to school or not I would still like to get pregnant. before we split up he knew that I was trying to go to college while we were ttc. I just wasnt 100% sure that I was going.
We already have a 4 year old and I am excited to get pregnant again.
Do you think this is just an excuse on his part?
what should I do?
any suggestions....

Answer 1

I wouldn't be offended. He might be afraid to try again because he is afraid you will split up again. Something similar happened to me. Before I married my husband, we had a big fight and talked about breaking up. We ended up making up, and started planning the wedding again, but he called me the day I bought my wedding dress and told me he wanted to postpone the wedding. I was crushed. But when I talked to him about it he said it was just because he was afraid we would break up and he wanted to give things some time. This could be why he suddenly changed his mind. I would talk to him about it and see if you can find out more information about why he doesn't want to. In any case, I wouldn't be offended.

Answer 2

I don't think you should be offended. If you have been back together for only a month I (personally) think should wait 6 months before trying again. If you push for another pregnancy now you will be adding more stress (even happy stress) to the house.

Go to school, love your 4 year old, and keep enjoying your marriage. Ask him if he'll be willing to revisit the idea in 6 months. Then maybe you can plan to try again so that you'd be giving birth during summer break from school in 2009. So that would put you ttc again in summer of next year.

It might work out better for you that way.

Good luck with everything!

Answer 3

i was and still am in this type of situation, last year my husband got into a fight and thought he might face some jail time and said that i wouldnt leave him if i had his child, so we both agreed to have a baby and our first try i got pregnant. well he didnt go to jail, i didnt leave him (not that i planed to anyways) and i now have a 6month baby girl. and when ever we get into an argument he always says that i chose to have a baby. he gets upset that i cant work or go to college, and its all my fault. i see it differently. personally i think men use children as an excuse to keep their wives from leaving or keeping them form going out, but on the other hand use children as an excuse to prevent the girl from being able to work or further her education. sometimes they act like a baby is the best thing ever and other times a baby is a burden. im 21 i still plan to go to college and work, but for now im happy being a domestic engineer. having another baby will not be the end of the world, yes you might have to postpone some plans till later down the road but this shouldnt be an issue to your husband, a pregnancy is 9 months, 9 months that you can still work and go to school. my advise is to talk to him see if he can give you legit reasons of why this time is not a good time to try where as it was just a few months ago when things were more rocky.

Answer 4

I think before you start rushing into another pregnancy you sit down with yourself and see why you broke up in the first place? Is it possible you will break up again? Can you handle 2 kids and college and a marriage?

I think he is trying to make sure that your relationship lasts and that you do finish college. I think waiting at least a year would be a good idea so you see how college is and how your relationship with him is.

Answer 5

I think thats kind of a selfish question. Theres always a chance of you spliting up again so why would he want to bring a child into the world until youre back together for a while longer. Plus he is trying to get you to do something for you. Not to meantion you already have a child, its not like you have a clicking clock or something like most people on this board. Just go to college and see where things go.

Answer 6

A baby needs two parents who are ready for them and the strain that it causes on the marriage. With the recent split and reconciliation and the stress that going to college while raising a 4 year old provides, it sounds like your hubby isn't ready for the added stress to your marriage. I think that you need to be patient and focus on your marriage and the child you have now. It sounds like there are things that need to be healed between you all before you bring another life into the world. Afterall, a child needs both parents to be happy and committed to the family and their arrival.

Answer 7

Perhaps since you split, your first priority should be a long term stable relationship before bringing a child into a mess. The college thing here makes no difference.

Answer 8

He might be afraid that your marriage isn't going to last since you split up once already. Go to marriage counseling befor you decide to have kids.

Answer 9

if yall have only been together again for about a month now.. since seperation maybe he wants to see if dis relationship is goin to work out.. which im sure if ur tryna have a child then its koo yall is but im just tryna guess wats up wit him or what not.
good luck gurl
mean are wack (most men)

Answer 10

It sounds like maybe he's just not ready again. You might have to wait until he's able to handle another baby.