I had an abortion a yr. ago and now i think of it every day regreting it and im only 21?

Question

Now i want a baby w/ my boyfriend of 2 yrs hes 27! Any solutions on how to get over it or put this behind me?

Answer 1

Not trying to be nasty so please, please do not take this the wrong way. I think it would be best to ask this in another section because you will probably find that many people on here will not offer advice but just 'attack' you for doing the "wrong" thing.
My other advice would be to remember the fact that at the time it seemed like the right decision. For whatever reason, you were not ready to bring that child into the world and you would not have been able to emotionally or financially give that child the best. If you are truly stuck on this than I think you need to seek professional counselling.
As for having another child now... that's something you need to discuss with your partner. Just know that if you do, you will be ready now and much better equipped to provide the best world for your child.

Answer 2

It may not ever be something you put behind you. The most valuable thing you can do is learn from the experience and know that you made a very difficult decision. I would seriously consider having a baby right now. It sounds like you want a baby to make up for the abortion you had. You need to heal first. Babies are a lot of hard work and they don't go away when you're tired, frustrated or want to go out and party. At 21 you should be focused on making a life for yourself and discovering who you are as an individual before you have someone depending on you for everything. Are you ready to financially responsible for a child? Kids are not cheap and love doen't pay for diapers, formula, clothes etc. I would try to get some sort of counseling, whether its from school or privately thru your insurance. Check with the clinic you had your abortion at, some offer free counseling to help with the grief. That is what you are experiencing right now.
I speak from experience. I had an abortion when I was 22. Never knew the name of the guy who got me pregnant and never told him. It took a while to accept what I had done but I know I did the right thing. I went to counseling and got help sorting out my feelings. Now I'm a mom to two beautiful boys, but I will always remember what I did and that I could have had another child. The best thing you can do is seek counseling and wait until you are physically and emotionally ready to make a life changing choice to have a baby.

Answer 3

Having a baby now is not going to take away the pain, although it might be a distraction. A few thoughts: heal and deal with this first. Talk with other women who have been through it, pray, do what you need to do to work through it. Forgive yourself.

Then take a look at your life. It is in everyone's best interests for you to be in a committed relationship if at all possible before you start a family. Is there a reason why you have been with your boyfriend for two years and you haven't decided to get married? If you can't make that commitment then it's not a good idea to make the ultimate commitment of being a parent. Try to figure out why the idea of having a baby will make you feel better, and what else you want or need in your life that can fill that void.

How is it going to be a good idea to have a baby with this man when last year it wasn't?

Answer 4

Abortion isn't something you can get over. I had one when I was 17 and I will never forget it. I think about that child every day and wonder what would have been. I know you're sad, and you probably feel empty. Maybe having a baby seems like it would fill that void. It didn't for me. I now have a 2 week old son who I love with all my heart. He doesn't replace the child that I aborted though. I will always feel sad, because that was a part of me that is now gone. Maybe you should seek counciling. It really helps to just talk about it, especially since it's been a year you might be reliving those memories. Have a good long cry, it's the only thing that helps me. Good luck to you and God bless.

Answer 5

I've been dealing with the guilt for 33 years myself. I've gotten married, had kids and now have a grandchild. But I still think about it from time to time. I sometimes think the guilt is my punishment so I just have to deal with it. The only thing I can say is that we all have the power to determine what we are thinking and when. So when it starts flooding into your mind, shut it out with other thoughts. What's done is done and you can't change it now. But here is a piece of advice you didn't ask for. Don't give your boyfriend a child without marriage. You are setting yourself up for heart break and a hard life. If you two love each other enough to create another human being then make the commitment now to stay together. It is unfair to everyone involved without commitment. I wish you all the best. And remember, everything happens for a reason. You learned a life lesson with your decision. Someday you may be able to help someone else that finds themselves in the same predicament.

Answer 6

Before anyone on here attacks you for your previous choice, let me say that I am sorry for your loss, even though you thought it was the best choice at the time. This is the number one reason why you need to be sure that it is the proper choice for you.
As far as looking to the future, you need to ask yourself, "do I want a baby because I feel so badly about the one that I aborted, or because the time is right in our lives for a child?" in addition to "what has changed in my life that makes me ready for a baby that I wasn't ready for last year?" and also "where do I see my boyfriend and I's relationship over the next 18 year?".
I won't tell you to get married, that is a choice only you can make, and I won't tell you to have a baby or not have a baby that also if for you to decide, just make sure you understand what you really want and not the feeling of regret you have inside.

Good luck!

Answer 7

Put it behind you before even thinking about having another baby.


Now, if he was your boyfriend for 2 years, and this was last year - was he the dad - does he have a say in this, or the last one?

Also any big decisions will always come with regrets and what ifs. Instead of regretting it, move on to learning from it.

Answer 8

You made a Very personal decision that is hard for anyone to deal with. What you need to do is talk to a Therapist that will help you deal with this. I am surprised the office that you had your procedure done at did not refer you to someone.

I can tell you that is is not only abortions that are thought of. I have had 2 miscrraiges in my life time and I still think of them.

Answer 9

even though im 16, if i were you id contact a phone line which deals with this because im 100 percent sure your not alone in thinking this
There will probably be many websites aswell, try google

Dont regret it, its a choice you made and you cant go back so why regret just keep on living your life, at the time it was the right decision. please dont regret it

Answer 10

Believe it or not the few people I know who have had abortions never have honestly gotten over it. My aunt who is 40 was talking about one she did years ago and still regrets it. You will have to put your mind to rest about it somehow and move on.