*these profound feelings deep within my pounding heart. This infatuation that pollutes my twisted veins. The lies, the animosity, the destructiveness, the sarcasm, the sadness…all of it mingles together and forms the poison through my blood rushing veins. It is what strangles my breath and suffocates me from every inch of air. I try so hard to take a deep breath. This is no good for me. It is slowly killing me. I can only take so much before my heart decides to give up, before the poison reaches my forsaken heart. I’m going on a “fast“ to purify the impurities. To get rid of all the toxins. No boys for awhile now. Lets see how long I can last.
like it or hate it?
2007-11-07 08:55:23 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I liked a great deal of it, because it definitely has emotional impact. But in some cases, your metaphors ran aground. I think you should look at them again to see if you can make the visions they evoke more gripping. For instance, "blood rushing veins" seems to imply that the veins have movement, when in fact, you're referring to the blood. And you wouldn't purify impurities, you'd likely purge them. But this is a great body of work...tweak it a bit and it will be phenomenal!
2007-11-07 09:03:10 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very cool and deep. I noticed some grammer errors and bad choice of words in a couple places, but other than that, it is awesome!
2007-11-07 08:59:35 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its, aight=)
2007-11-07 09:01:11 · answer #3 · answered by Contorted Brains 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't love it.
2007-11-07 08:59:00 · answer #4 · answered by ?? yaddajean ?? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋