What aspects of masculinity should we be fostering and encouraging in boys and young men?

Answer 1

Kindness, respect for others, a good work ethic, a devotion to family, and the understanding that his word should be his bond. He should walk away from fights whenever possible, but should stand up for himself, too. He should protect those that are weaker than him, and never pick on those that can't defend themselves.

I've actually given this subject a lot of thought, since I have two little boys of my own. Luckily my husband is a great role model for them.

Answer 2

The following from Rudyard Kipling says it better than I can:

"IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!"

In general, encourage any talents the boy has. More importantly, give him some room and let him be whatever person he is naturally inclined to be, whether soldier, interior decorator, lawyer (ok maybe not lawyer). Praise their good efforts and instil in them the self-belief to never believe anyone who tells them they can’t do with their life what they feel they should. This includes negative messages from ideological feminists who say that men are untrustworthy, violent, hateful of women etc. A boy needs to know that some people have a negative view of men, but that this is not true and simply a burden of the times we live in. They need to know that a man has much he can be proud of. Note: negative messages destroy a boy’s self-image and can lead to all sorts of pointless and destructive behaviour. If you keep telling a child that he’s no good, don’t be surprised if he eventually acts like he’s no good. If a child does wrong, criticise the behaviour but emphasise that the child itself is inherently good. They also need to know that they have responsibility to do the right thing, but if they or others fall short they are accountable, but can redeem themselves. Learning to see things from the other’s perspective is a hard lesson to learn – even for adults – but we should always encourage it.

Boys and girls should be taught to take pride in themselves, to respect and value differences in each other. They need to see how people being different makes the world more interesting filled with artists, chefs, athletes, protectors, artisans, health professionals, linguists etc etc. I can’t think of anything more important or difficult than raising children.

Answer 3

Here is a quote from a book called "Fire in the Belly, (On Being a Man" by author Sam Keen:)

"Our age cries out for men filled with prophetic rage, men daring and political enough to husband the fragile and succulent earth and protect the weak and disenfranchised. In the mythology of Buddhism the ideal man, the bodhisattva, takes a vow to save, or heal, all sentiment beings. It requires a bit of madness and a lot of compassion to aspire to such a goal. But as long as we are talking about ideals, shouldn't our reach exceed our grasp"?

I think these are good ideals for all of us men to aspire to young and old.

BTW- Great question.

Answer 4

Wow, some answers I liked...Gnu, Sigy, etc.

To be honest and true to themselves and others, follow their own path in life, seek to center, balance and identify themselves as individuals and men (not as a stereotype), to not allow for what some or many women do to influence their views of others, to find their own voice and have the assertiveness to not mold themselves around anything that is not essentially them, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Answer 5

I think that we should nurture boys to do whatever they wish, and encourage them to be interested in many different things -- including things traditionally thought "girly". My thinking is that if it occurs to a little boy to do it, then it must not be a purely female interest anyhow.

I used to work at a daycare. Every once in a while, a small group of brothers would come in to our place. They were aged about 6, 4, and 1 and a half. They'd play with trucks and blocks for a little bit, get bored, and then head to the dress-up section that we had set up in the back. There they would proceed to put on dress after dress (usually not bothering to take the first dress off before they slapped another one on) and stuff their sneaker-clad feet into women's sized high heels. As they did this, they giggled incessantly and threw feather boas over each other as if playing ring toss. Their little brother was too small to get in on the fun himself -- he was still crawling -- but he did laugh whenever they did this, and maybe jammed his pudgy fist into one of the shoes to imitate them a little in his own way. I, quite frankly, thought it was the cutest thing in the world, and found it refreshing that they frequently transitioned so easily between this activity and more "boyish" things.

They also liked drawing castles and monsters, reading comic books, playing video games, tag, and looking after their smallest brother. He had a tendency to wander off a lot, and they were concerned that he'd get hurt if they let him leave their sight for too long.

I'd call them very well-rounded boys, with interests and emotions that ran the gamut between tough and rowdy to gentle and receptive. I think that these are the types of kids that we should be raising. Those who don't feel the need to compare themselves to ridiculous social stereotypes, who are genuinely happy with who they are, and are considerate of others.

Answer 6

Juniper and Sigy have great answers.

Integrity, courage, honor, self-restraint, responsibility, principle, standing up to injustice...

But do not forget, because these things are often denigrated as immature or weird, those traits of little boys we must never forsake to be whole people: playfulness, curiosity, and a sense of wonder!

The Doctor on Doctor Who is a "real man", even if he's fictional and not human at all!

Answer 7

I think an important aspect of this question is that boys are boys and should be allowed to be so. I think there should be a strong influence to point them toward being strong males while valueing feminine charachterisitics in women and girls . There is a fabulous book called the Dangerous book for boys that talk about things like tying knots and pocket knives and hiking and things like that

Answer 8

Respect for everyone, especially the elderly, children and women. Chivalry. Responsibility.

Answer 9

I agree with Vanessa and Vikingsron. I would add that boys and young men should be tought to care for themselves: do their own laundry, cook for themselves, clean the house, etc, because they eventually will be living on their own and they will need these skills.
Oh, and please remove the baseball caps at the restaurant tables!

Answer 10

I think that is completely up to the parents. I'm a bit of a liberal, so I wouldn't condemn anything like playing with dolls, or crying. and I would encourage playing sports for boys and girls of any age. I think we should be fostering the gentlemen aspect of masculinity, only because raising well-mannered children is crucial.